New Teslas don’t come with a new car smell they come with an Elon Musk
If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, does drinking fanta make you fantastic?
What do you call a Russian tree? Dimitree
Communist jokes aren’t funny unless everyone gets them.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent. There’s a movie about constipation. It hasn’t come out yet.
Do you know how to make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
Why was the ocean so blue? Because the island never waved back.
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there.”
Why were the Middle Ages called the Dark Ages? Because there were too many knights.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” Watson replied, “I see millions of stars.” “What does that tell you?” Watson pondered for a minute. “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.” “Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.” “Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.” “Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.” “Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.” “What does it tell you, Holmes?” Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: “Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!”
Dont trust atoms they make up everything.
You know why I don’t buy Velcro items anymore? They are a total rip off.
I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.
I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. – I’m not really a mourning person.
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