My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles’ elbow.
Some people think prison is one word…but to robbers it’s a whole sentence
Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.
What do you call it when a midget waves at you? A microwave
What’s the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are. ” He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”
An atom loses an electron… It says, “Man, I really gotta keep an ion them.”
Why doesn’t the Sun go to college? – Because it has a million degrees.
little johnny was siting in class one day and the teacher was talking about life and ask him " little johnny how do you want your wife to be like" and he answered " like the moon" and the teacher said " that’s such a beautiful answer because it calm and peaceful " and little htm title=' appears at night and disappears in the morning'>johnny said " no because it appears at night and disappears in the morning"
My friend gave me sugar for my birthday, she thought it was cheap I thought it was pretty sweet
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.” “Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”
Why did the library book go to the doctor? – It needed to be checked out.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
New Teslas don’t come with a new car smell they come with an Elon Musk
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