I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
little johnny was siting in class one day and the teacher was talking about life and ask him " little johnny how do you want your wife to be like" and he answered " like the moon" and the teacher said " that’s such a beautiful answer because it calm and peaceful " and little htm title=' appears at night and disappears in the morning'>johnny said " no because it appears at night and disappears in the morning"
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent. There’s a movie about constipation. It hasn’t come out yet.
What do you call a Russian tree? Dimitree
I’ve just been fired from the clock making factory after all those extra hours I put in.
The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar… It was tense.
Some people think prison is one word…but to robbers it’s a whole sentence
Why doesn’t the Sun go to college? – Because it has a million degrees.
Where did the cat go when it lost it’s tail? – To the retail store!
An atom loses an electron… It says, “Man, I really gotta keep an ion them.”
I named my dog 5-Miles so now I tell people I walk 5-Miles everyday
Q: What did the drunk emo say to the bartender? A: Nothing! He was hung over. My sister thinks shes so smart, shes said onions are the only food that makes you cry So I threw a coconut at her
Do you know how to make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world
If trees could kill you, they wood.
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