Some people think prison is one word…but to robbers it’s a whole sentence
Hear about the restaurant called karma? There is no menu: You get what you deserve
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.” “Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? – One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
What do you call a Russian tree? Dimitree
Why did the library book go to the doctor? – It needed to be checked out.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” Watson replied, “I see millions of stars.” “What does that tell you?” Watson pondered for a minute. “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.” “Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.” “Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.” “Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.” “Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.” “What does it tell you, Holmes?” Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: “Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!”
Communist jokes aren’t funny unless everyone gets them.
Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, “What kind of music do you like?” – The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
I have a fear of speed bumps But i am slowly getting over it
If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
Why did the gym close down? – It just didn’t work out.
Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
How does Moses prepare his tea? – Hebrews it.
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