I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? – It was a grave mistake.
What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? – A waist of time.
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
What do you call a Russian tree? Dimitree
I’ve just been fired from the clock making factory after all those extra hours I put in.
Will glass coffins be a success? – Remains to be seen.
Why doesn’t the Sun go to college? – Because it has a million degrees.
I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. so I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle. But it steel wooden lead me whistle.
Why did the gym close down? – It just didn’t work out.
What’s the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs.
Communist jokes aren’t funny unless everyone gets them.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there.”
My boyfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. what a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
Hear about the restaurant called karma? There is no menu: You get what you deserve
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