My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year? ” I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
Do you know how to make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
You know why I don’t buy Velcro items anymore? They are a total rip off.
Some people think prison is one word…but to robbers it’s a whole sentence
I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
Hear about the restaurant called karma? There is no menu: You get what you deserve
a mexican was doing a magic trick he said “uno, dos,” then disappeared without a trace
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
There was a kidnapping at school… Don?t worry, he woke up.
Last night I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it was just a Fanta sea!
Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester! :D
Dont trust atoms they make up everything.
What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards? A receding hare line. How do you cut ancient Rome in half? With a pair of Caesars.
What do you call a nose without a body? – Nobody knows.
how does a crazy person get to the woods? He takes the psychopath.
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