You wanna know why I hate circles so much? They’re just so pointless! But I guess that’s how they roll
I wanted to make a belt out of watches, then I realized, it was a waist of time!
Why was the ocean so blue? Because the island never waved back.
I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? – Because they lactose.
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? – Because they have their own scales.
Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year? ” I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
I’ve just been fired from the clock making factory after all those extra hours I put in.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
There’s a movie about constipation. It hasn’t come out yet.
What did the guy exclaim after inventing the shovel?
It is ground breaking!
How do trees get online? – They just log in.
What’s the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
If i’m the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a… guardian of the galaxy?
What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
How do you cut ancient Rome in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
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