Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there.”
I Googled “How to start a Wildfire”. I got 48,500 matches.
Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.
I told the doctor I didn’t want a brain surgery. But he changed my mind.
I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. so I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle. But it steel wooden lead me whistle.
a mexican was doing a magic trick he said “uno, dos,” then disappeared without a trace
I have a fear of speed bumps But i am slowly getting over it
RIP boiling water. You will be mist. There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
Some people think prison is one word…but to robbers it’s a whole sentence
I accidentally drank a little food colouring last night. I ended up dying inside.
What do you call an alligator with a vest? An investigator.
Last night I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it was just a Fanta sea!
My boyfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. what a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, “What kind of music do you like?” – The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
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