So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
What do you call an alligator with a vest? An investigator.
little johnny was siting in class one day and the teacher was talking about life and ask him " little johnny how do you want your wife to be like" and he answered " like the moon" and the teacher said " that’s such a beautiful answer because it calm and peaceful " and little htm title=' appears at night and disappears in the morning'>johnny said " no because it appears at night and disappears in the morning"
Q: What did the drunk emo say to the bartender? A: Nothing! He was hung over. My sister thinks shes so smart, shes said onions are the only food that makes you cry So I threw a coconut at her
What did the guy exclaim after inventing the shovel? It is ground breaking!
My boyfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. what a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
Communist jokes aren’t funny unless everyone gets them.
If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, does drinking fanta make you fantastic?
There was a kidnapping at school… Don?t worry, he woke up.
Hear about the restaurant called karma? There is no menu: You get what you deserve
If i’m the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a… guardian of the galaxy?
Why did the picture go to jail? Cause it was framed!
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles’ elbow.
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