Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there.”
Communist jokes aren’t funny unless everyone gets them.
What do you call it when a midget waves at you? A microwave
I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. – I’m not really a mourning person.
What do you call a Russian tree? Dimitree
What do you call a nose without a body? – Nobody knows.
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.” “Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”
So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world
What does a spy do when he’s cold? He goes under cover.
How do trees get online? – They just log in.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” Watson replied, “I see millions of stars.” “What does that tell you?” Watson pondered for a minute. “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.” “Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.” “Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.” “Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.” “Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.” “What does it tell you, Holmes?” Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: “Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!”
What’s the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs.
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.
When the chair was invented, the inventor’s friend wanted to know what it did. The inventor replied: ‘You might want to sit down for this.’
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