If i’m the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a… guardian of the galaxy?
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? – One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year? ” I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
I wanted to make a belt out of watches, then I realized, it was a waist of time!
A prisoner was told how he’ll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.
I Googled “How to start a Wildfire”. I got 48,500 matches.
Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.
I have a fear of speed bumps But i am slowly getting over it
Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? – Because they have their own scales.
Will glass coffins be a success? – Remains to be seen.
Two artists had an art contest. – It ended in a draw.
I entered ten puns into a contest to see which one would win. No pun in ten did
When the chair was invented, the inventor’s friend wanted to know what it did. The inventor replied: ‘You might want to sit down for this.’
If trees could kill you, they wood.
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