I wanted to make a belt out of watches, then I realized, it was a waist of time!
Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. – I lost my case.
If i’m the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a… guardian of the galaxy?
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? – Because they have their own scales.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world
Do you know how to make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I accidentally drank a little food colouring last night. I ended up dying inside.
Why did the library book go to the doctor? – It needed to be checked out.
What do you call an alligator with a vest? An investigator.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? – Because they lactose.
How do trees get online? – They just log in.
I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. – I’m not really a mourning person.
When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are. ” He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”
RUS | ENG
