Puns jokes

My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high…

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I entered ten puns into a contest to see which one would win. No pun in ten did

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When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are. ” He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”

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a mexican was doing a magic trick he said “uno, dos,” then disappeared without a trace

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If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?

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I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. so I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle. But it steel wooden lead me whistle.

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I told the doctor I didn’t want a brain surgery. But he changed my mind.

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A prisoner was told how he’ll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.

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Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? – It was a grave mistake.

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Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there.”

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Why did the gym close down? – It just didn’t work out.

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Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.

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How does a fish always know how much they weigh? – Because they have their own scales.

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Why did the picture go to jail? Cause it was framed!

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I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. – I’m not really a mourning person.

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