If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?
I named my dog 5-Miles so now I tell people I walk 5-Miles everyday
how does a crazy person get to the woods? He takes the psychopath.
“Doctor, there’s a patient on line 1 that says he’s invisible” “Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.”
Why do bees have sticky hair They always use honeycombs
I Googled “How to start a Wildfire”. I got 48,500 matches.
What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? – Well, the flag is a big plus.
Where did the cat go when it lost it’s tail? – To the retail store!
Two artists had an art contest. – It ended in a draw.
Dont trust atoms they make up everything.
RIP boiling water. You will be mist. There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.
You wanna know why I hate circles so much? They’re just so pointless! But I guess that’s how they roll
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” Watson replied, “I see millions of stars.” “What does that tell you?” Watson pondered for a minute. “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.” “Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.” “Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.” “Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.” “Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.” “What does it tell you, Holmes?” Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: “Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!”
Last night I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it was just a Fanta sea!
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
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