I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.” “Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”
a mexican was doing a magic trick he said “uno, dos,” then disappeared without a trace
I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. so I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle. But it steel wooden lead me whistle.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there.”
Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, “What kind of music do you like?” – The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? – Because they have their own scales.
I Googled “How to start a Wildfire”. I got 48,500 matches.
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? – It was a grave mistake.
Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
New Teslas don’t come with a new car smell they come with an Elon Musk
I accidentally drank a little food colouring last night. I ended up dying inside.
What do you call an alligator with a vest? An investigator.
I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. – I’m not really a mourning person.
What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards? A receding hare line. How do you cut ancient Rome in half? With a pair of Caesars.
RUS | ENG
