Puns jokes

I named my dog 5-Miles so now I tell people I walk 5-Miles everyday

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I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. – I’m not really a mourning person.

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I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. so I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle. But it steel wooden lead me whistle.

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How do trees get online? – They just log in.

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What did the guy exclaim after inventing the shovel? It is ground breaking!

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My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high…

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What’s the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs.

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Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? – It was a grave mistake.

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When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are. ” He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”

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If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, does drinking fanta make you fantastic?

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How does Moses prepare his tea? – Hebrews it.

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I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

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Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.

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Why were the Middle Ages called the Dark Ages? Because there were too many knights.

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You know why I don’t buy Velcro items anymore? They are a total rip off.

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