I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.” “Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” Watson replied, “I see millions of stars.” “What does that tell you?” Watson pondered for a minute. “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.” “Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.” “Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.” “Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.” “Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.” “What does it tell you, Holmes?” Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: “Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!”
What did the guy exclaim after inventing the shovel? It is ground breaking!
“Doctor, there’s a patient on line 1 that says he’s invisible” “Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.”
Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.
Where did the cat go when it lost it’s tail? – To the retail store!
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? – Because they lactose.
Why were the Middle Ages called the Dark Ages? Because there were too many knights.
Why do bees have sticky hair They always use honeycombs
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year? ” I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester! :D
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? – One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
Why did the picture go to jail? Cause it was framed!
Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.
I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.
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