What do you call it when a midget waves at you? A microwave
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year? ” I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
Why did the library book go to the doctor? – It needed to be checked out.
I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.
What’s the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs.
Why was the ocean so blue? Because the island never waved back.
Hear about the restaurant called karma? There is no menu: You get what you deserve
How do trees get online? – They just log in.
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? – Because they have their own scales.
I’ve never worn my gay sweater, it hasn’t come out of the closet yet
Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.
Why were the Middle Ages called the Dark Ages? Because there were too many knights.
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.
When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are. ” He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”
RUS | ENG
