Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
You wanna know why I hate circles so much? They’re just so pointless! But I guess that’s how they roll
When the chair was invented, the inventor’s friend wanted to know what it did. The inventor replied: ‘You might want to sit down for this.’
What do you call a Russian tree? Dimitree
What’s the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs.
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.” “Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”
Where did the cat go when it lost it’s tail? – To the retail store!
Dont trust atoms they make up everything.
Why was the ocean so blue? Because the island never waved back.
Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.
I named my dog 5-Miles so now I tell people I walk 5-Miles everyday
What do you call it when a midget waves at you? A microwave
Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year? ” I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
RUS | ENG
