I wanted to make a belt out of watches, then I realized, it was a waist of time!
A prisoner was told how he’ll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? – One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
I would tell you a construction pun, but I’m still working on it
When the chair was invented, the inventor’s friend wanted to know what it did. The inventor replied: ‘You might want to sit down for this.’
Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, “What kind of music do you like?” – The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.
Q: What did the drunk emo say to the bartender? A: Nothing! He was hung over. My sister thinks shes so smart, shes said onions are the only food that makes you cry So I threw a coconut at her
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. – I lost my case.
I told the doctor I didn’t want a brain surgery. But he changed my mind.
I’d tell a sodium and hydrogen pun, but NaH
An atom loses an electron… It says, “Man, I really gotta keep an ion them.”
My friend gave me sugar for my birthday, she thought it was cheap I thought it was pretty sweet
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