Smoking jokes

VOTING SEMIFINAL 2 LIKE: When the school shooter throws a smoke grenade into the classroom and the autistic kid thinks it’s a Disco party. ?????? DISLIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”. Vote for the better joke

What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Stop and apply lubrication.

I saw a sign the other day that said "Maximum penalty for smoking is ?1,000" But that’s not right. Surely the maximum penalty for smoking is Death.

Little Johnny walks out to the garage, and sees Dad smoking a cigarette… He asks, “Hey Dad, can I have a puff of that cigarette??” Dad asks, “Well Johnny, can your dick reach your ass??” Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment… He then replies, “Well, No Dad, my dick can’t reach my ass”… His Dad says, “There’s your answer, Johnny…” Little Johnny goes back in the house… About an hour later Little Johnny comes back out to the garage, and sees his Dad drinking a beer… He asks, “Hey Dad, can I have some of that beer??” Dad asks, “Well Johnny, can your dick reach your ass??” Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment… He then replies, “Well, No Dad, my dick can’t reach my ass”… His Dad says, “There’s your answer, Johnny…” Little Johnny goes back in the house… About an hour later Little Johnny comes back out to the garage with a BIG plate of Tollhouse Chocolate Chip cookies, fresh from the oven… His Dad says, “WOW Johnny, those sure look like some good cookies… You think I can have some??” Little Johnny asks his Dad, “Well Dad, can your dick reach your ass??” His Dad scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment… He then replies, “Well, Yes Johnny, I do believe my dick can reach my ass”… Little Johnny says, “Well Dad, you can go FUKC yourself, cuz Mom made these cookies for me!!!”…

When you put the chicken in the oven and it goes down and the oven explodes oven and smoke and everything is fire and on fire and flies to the grass and all goes back

What Did Rapper Pop Smoke get high off of? Cigarettes with Pop & Smoke.

Cremation: My last hope for a smoking hot body.

what do you call a guy in a wheelchair smoking weed? a baked potato

a guy stuffed some cigarrets up his eyes thinking it would make him see colors. The next day he could see only one color… Black

Cremation, The last chance for a smoking hot body.

what did the old chimney say to the young chimney? your too young to smoke! that’s not even a bad joke-

Please Fokes you can hit the thumbs up button on the ones you like. There is no need to repost… Anyways Knock knock Who’s there? Can I come in? Can I come in who? Can I Come In You!? More often than not, I will cry when I masturbate… Some nights I’m a real tear jerker! But on the nights and I smoke a lil pot and then masturbate, my dad ends up bugging me because I am a weed wacker. How do you keep a dog from humping your leg? Pick him up and suck his dick. How does Popeye keep his manly part from rusting? He sticks it in Olive Oil. Snow White and the seven dwarfs are in the the tub feeling “HAPPY”. Happy got out now they are f@cking “GRUMPY” What’s worse than waking up and finding a “Penis” drawn on your forehead? Finding out it was “Traced” If I had a rooster and you had a donkey and your donkey ate my rooster what would you have? 3 feet of my cock up your ass Did you know Batman was actually Black? Yeah he couldn’t go a night with out Robyn! Did you hear Gods Word Of The Day? Its Legs! Now lets go out and spread them. What do you call a Mexican woman with no legs? Cunt-sway-low Whats worse than sucking 25 oysters out of your Grandmas Pussy? Realizing you only put in 15

After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park. Lord: Has something happened while I was gone? Gardener: Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burrying your dog. Lord: My dog died?! Gardener: Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down. Lord: My mansion?! How?! Gardener: Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains. Lord: Why was she so distraught? Gardener: She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped. Lord: My daughter! Don’t you have any positive news for me? ! Gardener: Oh right! Your cancer test results!

Yo mama so stupid she though seaweed was something fish smoke

There is a young man smoking and a woman in a wheelchair. The woman says “why is a young man like you smoking? ”. The man turns around and says “why the f@ck are you wearing trainers…”