Straight jokes

========================= (pre-election 2016) Trump Hating Comedian at seedy East L.A. comedy club - "Hey how "bout that Donald Trump chump… what the f@ck up with that dude, man ? “Geeeezus, he got some kuh-razy ass shit spewing endlessly out that pie-hole, 24/8!” (< leap week, muthafukas !) . . . "I mean, even his last name rhymes with shit

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I asked what LGBTQ stands for and I couldn’t get straight answer??

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Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia. The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly. After a while, the tired man gets frustrated and walks downstairs for a smoke. He stops in the lounge and asks the receptionist to bring tea to their room in five minutes. The man walks back into the room, joins the table, leans towards a power outlet and speaks into it: “Comrade major, we want some tea to room 62 please.” His friends laugh on the joke, until there is a knock on the door. The receptionist brings a teapot. His friends fall silent and pale, horrified of what they just witnessed. The party is dead, and the man goes to sleep. After a good night’s rest, the man wakes up, and notices his friends are gone. Surprised, he walks downstairs and asks the receptionist where they went. The nervous receptionist whispers that KGB came and took them before dawn. The man is horrified. He wonders why he was spared. The receptionist responds: “Well, comrade major did quite like your tea joke.”

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Me and my friend got in to a fight I look straight forward and said look me in my eyes

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In Africa, it doesn’t matter if you’re gay, straight or bisexual. At the end of the day, it’s night.

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im hertophobic- aka im allergic to all straight guys

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How do you find out if your kid is gay? Lock him in a closet and if he comes out his gay if not his dead straight.

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isn’t it strange that the LGTBQ flag only has straight lines?

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why does a straight guy act gay? cause he wants to feel wanted and wants to be bffs with the hotest girls

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“I’m going through a lot of things right now,” I said frustratedly to the person on the line as I crashed straight through the next building in my car.

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My friend said to me that I am gay my response I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night

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I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

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Straights are ALWAYS asking LGBTQ+ people why they have such GOOD FASHION SENSE, we didn’t spend all that time in the closet for nothing,honey ;)

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What’s the easiest way to get straight As? Use a ruler.

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Why can’t gay people play Baseball they can’t through the ball straight.

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