Самое популярное 13 September

Daughter: Dad, what’s your opinion on abortions?

Dad: Ask your sister

Daughter: But I don’t have a sister

Dad: Exactly

Yo girl…do you like squirrels, because i’m about to nut in your hole

Woman: Doctor, where are we going? Doctor: To the morgue. Woman: I’m not dead yet, doctor. Doctor: We’re not at morgue yet, either

What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag?

The tea bag stays in the cup longer.

One day Little Johnny’s class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?” Little Mary says, “The teacher is very intelligent.” The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?” Little Suzie says, “They are very fashionable.” The teacher says, “Johnny, why don’t you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence.” Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy ‘Darling how does my dictate’ "

A computer is a HARDware device. How come someone still feels it is MicroSOFT

Q: what’s stronger than family?

A: whatever tree Paul walker hit

I told my friend yesterday he’s literally my dad.

He didn’t show up for the rest of the year.

R u a toaster? cuz i wanna take a bath wit u r u a knife? cuz u make me wanna kms r u a painting? cuz i hang u r u the flu? cuz u make me wanna hurl r u a newspaper? cuz u have new problems everyday r u the ground? cuz im six feet deep in u ;)

I GOT a job as a pencil sharpener I would tell you about it but you wouldn’t get the point.

What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?

A baby with burst armbands

What do u get when u cross a stick and a dog a run away joke…

19 and 20 had a fight. 21.

What do you call a green camel.

My parents left me.

Yo mama so fat, she broke the stairs to heaven

My dad is like my depression you need a suicide letter to find him

My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire

Man: I know how to please a woman. Woman: Then please leave me alone.

Man: I want to give myself to you. Woman: Sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts.

Man: Your hair color is fabulous. Woman: Thank you. It’s on aisle three at the corner drug store.

Man: You look like a dream. Woman: Go back to sleep.

Man: I can tell that you want me. Woman: Yes, I want you to leave.

Man: Hey, baby, what’s your sign? Woman: Do not enter. -OR- Stop.

Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

Man: What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? Woman: I hate you.

Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.

What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.

There was a car accident and the cops pull up to the crime seen to start asking people questions. The police started talking to a blonde lady and said what happened here she responded by saying a car crash. They then asked but how did it happen, she responded the cars crashed into each other. They finally said but why did it happen. The lady said oh i know where your going with this. It happened because when cars push on the gas peddle the car goes forward and they both pushed it so they both went forward and hit each other. One cop said never mind ma’m and they stared walking away. The blonde lady then said oh and officers my computer froze do you think i should put in the microwave or in the oven?

I told a diabetic boy to have sweet dreams, and he died the next morning