I’ll never forget my father’s last words… Oh f@ck, it’s a bus!
You mama is like train tracks she gets laid all around the country
A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. “Jesus is watching you.” The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing. A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. “Jesus is watching you.” Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, “Jesus is watching you.” The robber realized it was the parrot talking! Going to the parrot, he asks it, “Are you the one who’s been talking to me?” The parrot responds, “Yes.” The thief couldn’t believe it. So, he asks another question. “What is your name?” “Ismael.” the parrot replies. The man scoffed. “What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?” The parrot speaks yet again, “The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus.”
Three blondes were taking a walk when they stumbled on some tracks. They argued on what the tracks came from. One of them said “it’s a deer.” The other said it “No it’s a coyote.” The last one was going to give her thoughts, but that was when the train hit them.
Today was a bad day. First My ex got hit by a bus. Then I lost my job as a bus driver
Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains, how many have you derailed this year Me: Sorry boss, it’s hard to keep track
Do your buses run on time? No, they run on diesel.
Why did they make bus stops? So the bus driver would know where to pick the orphan up.
So I was going out the door and I see me dwarf neighbour at the bus stop, I ask if he needs a lift. He replies with fu… off. So I zip up my backpack and keep going to work
Why did the cloud apply to stormtrooper training school? He mist.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and an old lady are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek. The old lady thinks, “I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde and she struck the pervert.” The blonde thinks, “I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the old lady for me and she slapped him.” The Frenchman thinks, “I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark and she slapped me by mistake.” The Englishman thinks, “I can’t wait for another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again.”
Today; Worst day ever My annoying sibling got hit by a train and I lost my job as a conductor.
Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone He got ran over by a bus
timmy has 5 apples, his train is 7 minutes early calculate the mass of the sun
What is yellow and can’t swim? A school bus full of kids.
RUS | ENG
