I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. – I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”. The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes. The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse". The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”
If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?
I’ve decided to marry a pencil. I can’t wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.
My mum told me to stop playing with my sister; she said at least wait for her to be born first.
Tomorrow is Christmas and I’m giving myself a present that I can’t wait to open. It’s my wrist. (yes this was inspired by a Fallout boy song)
I was watching my boyfriends dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with the him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When i looked down, he appeared to be dead. My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn’t know what to do ,so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waiting for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said , ”you know , your dogs been a little depressed lately…”
Whoever kills Hitler goes to heaven. Oh, wait… nevermind…
The secret to dark humor is the delivery… oh wait, the baby was stillborn.
did you know the f in orphan stands for family…oh wait HAHA we should stop making jokes about orphans before they tell there parents…oh continue
Can’t wait for the orphans to have their family reunion! Wait…
Why’d the chicken cross the road? A: to get to the gay (guys/girls) house. (Wait awhile) then ask “knock knock?” Other person says “Who’s there?” A: the chicken
What is different about priests and acne. Acne waits until your 13 to cum on your face
A husband came back from business trip and found out that she was pregnant at first he got a bit suspicious but then he just ignore And hugs his wife with happiness the second when he meet his friend and htm title=' wait what I thought she was on pill'>tell him the news the friend just said " wait what I thought she was on pill"
Friend: Want to play fall guys? Friend 2: Yup Friend: Ok so let me ju- wait where are you going? Friend 2: I’m gonna jump off Friend: Why? Friend 2: We are playing Fall Guys, right?
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