I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. – I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign? A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?
I really hate waiting to die… Its taking a lifetime
What’s the difference between a suicide bomber and puberty? Puberty waits the blow up
guys this has to stop lets tell there parents oh wait
I was watching my boyfriends dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with the him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When i looked down, he appeared to be dead. My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn’t know what to do ,so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waiting for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said , ”you know , your dogs been a little depressed lately…”
did you know the f in orphan stands for family…oh wait HAHA we should stop making jokes about orphans before they tell there parents…oh continue
Guys, we should stop making jokes about orphans, their parents will get mad. Oh…Wait…Continue.
What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.
Little Johnny went up to his mom and said: “Can i have some milk?” He waited for three hours to get an answer. His mom finally said: “No your dad still isn’t back with it.” A man is with his friend in a bar. The friend, out of the blue asks, “Hey, what’s your body count?” Nervous, the man looks away. The friend then says, “I’m talking about sex.” The man then turns back and mumbles, “Oh… I thought you saw inside the basement…” “Wait, wha…” “What?”
Little Natalie was playing with matches. Her mother caught her, took them, whupped her and told her never to play with matches again. A few minutes later, Little Natalie was playing with matches again. The curtains caught fire and the house burned down. Another few minutes later, when she and her mother were sitting at their neighbors, her mother told her: If you think I gave you a whupping, wait till your father gets home! Little Natalie just cackled with delight, because she knew her father had gotten home earlier and gone upstairs to take a nap.
My girlfriends last words I can’t wait to become a mom
You are so fat that the waiter said to you everytime: ‘sorry for your weight’ instead of ‘sorry for the wait’
Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”. The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes. The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse". The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”
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