Why was I stress eating on the train track? To wait to get hit.
Who is the only person time waits for? Nun.
Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”. The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes. The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse". The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”
How many feminists do you need to change a light bulb? One. She puts the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around her. …just kidding- none. They can’t change anything.
A mom gave her son “the talk”. her son replies "wait so there really isn’t candy involved? Guess Grandpa lied.
What’s the difference between a suicide bomber and puberty? Puberty waits the blow up
Should I buy COVID-19 or wait until COVID-20 comes out?
What is different about priests and acne. Acne waits until your 13 to cum on your face
A is for apple, B is for dyslexia- oh wait no! That’s d!
At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.” Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!” I’m in school lol.
did you know the f in orphan stands for family…oh wait HAHA we should stop making jokes about orphans before they tell there parents…oh continue
I’ve decided to marry a pencil. I can’t wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.
guys this has to stop lets tell there parents oh wait
WAIT! I remember how the joke goes! These two cannibals i hanging out eat lunch, which is a clown you see, cause there cannibals and one cannibal says to the other cannibal "Does this taste funny to you?
I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. – I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
RUS | ENG
