A mom gave her son “the talk”. her son replies "wait so there really isn’t candy involved? Guess Grandpa lied.
What is different about priests and acne. Acne waits until your 13 to cum on your face
A man walks into a bar and there is a line of people waiting to punch him. Yeah that was the punch line.
If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign? A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, “No, wait! I can change.”
I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
Why Didnt The Skeleton Go To Prom? He Was Dead. You Fool. You Fell For My Trick. Im Very Heartless- Oh Wait YOU FOOL-
I’ve decided to marry a pencil. I can’t wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.
At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.” Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!” I’m in school lol.
What do you do when you see a sad orphan? Nothing let them wait for their parents.
I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. – I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
did you know the f in orphan stands for family…oh wait HAHA we should stop making jokes about orphans before they tell there parents…oh continue
Me: Hey how are you? Depression: I’m doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3 Insomnia: Mommy can we get a home? Anxiety: Insomnia wait for mommy to finish. Depression: Anyway here is my resume! Me: Okie thank you, Ok… mhmmm… WOW! Okie this is a nice resume! (Didn’t Read it…) Depression: Also I have 2 more friends that want to move in too! Me: Ok and there names? Depression: There names are: PTSD and Trauma! Me: Ok they seem fine (Doesn’t know about them) Depression: Okie here is the money (a penny :() Thank you we will call you if we need anything. Me: Ok see you soon! :3 Me now hates my life. :)
School Bully: How’s your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don’t have any! Me: How’s your parents? Oh wait, you don’t have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage
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