one time i broke up with my roblox girlfriend by sending her a message, 30 seconds later i heard my uncle crying in the next room
I asked a poor old woman if I could take her home. She smiled and said yes. However the expression on her face soon changed when I started walking away with her cardboard box.
my boyfriend accused me of cheating. i told him he reminded me of my girlfriend.
So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was “Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!”
one day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy then they heard a sound from the bushes, instead of looking down they both ran. two years later they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial they asked him if he has ever been caught he said “No but a couple was walking as soon as i killed a girl i jumped into a bush they didnt know i was there but the man stepped on the dead body but didn’t look down then he and his girlfriend ran.”
Why has Stephen hawking’s stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector
Boy: my girlfriend didn’t dump me, I dumped her… Off the nearby cliff
Therapist: so what brought you here today? wife: he’s too literal Therapist: and you sir? husband: my truck
why did the orphan not have a girlfriend? because he thought that she would leave him to.
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg? Eileen
The doctor says “your wife is PREGNENT” the man says that he used a condom and the doctor says "ya but I didn’t
A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands for money. Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, “Did you see me rob this bank?” The man replied, “Yes sir, I did.” The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly. He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, “Did you see me rob this bank? ” The man replied, “No sir, I didn’t, but my wife did!”
What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets? Women.
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
i cought my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.
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