My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. – I’m doing well, but I do get cannelloni.
Woman one: I got so mad at my GPS today that I told it to go to hell! Woman two: Did that work? Woman one: Well, it took me to my in-laws’ house.
Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike, there may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until i find one, i’m stuck here holding my rod
A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was “she was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife reply’s “perform the f@cking autopsy!”
My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, “No, wait! I can change.”
What’s the difference between a nun and a woman in a bath tub? One’s got hope in her soul, the others got soap in her hole.
My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
how do you know when your wife is cheating on you? she comes home with sparkles on her face
A woman walks into a doctor’s office. She schedules an appointment and sits down it the waiting room. Whem it’s her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they’re unlike anything he’s heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, ‘Well I have good news and bad news.’ The woman says, ‘I’ll hear the good news first please. ’ The doctor replies ‘The good news is we’re naming a disease after you!’
Why has Stephen hawking’s stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector
i like my woman like i like my coffee in a big sack on top of donkey
My girlfriend got ran over by a bus I lost my job as a bus driver.
What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most? The “cold and passed out” kind.
you can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. For example, if she’s holding a gun, she’s probably angry.
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