Why has Stephen hawking’s stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector
What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets? Women.
What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you? Take her wheel chair, she’ll come crawling back.
A wife and husband had been on a strict diet and the wife said yaknow weve been good about our diet lets have a cheat night tonight. The wife came home with kfc and wendys. the husband came home with sylvia from the office.
what is the diffrence between a snow woman and a snowman? Snowballs
Husband: I bet you can’t say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time Wife: You have the biggest penis out of all your friends
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
how do you know when your wife is cheating on you? she comes home with sparkles on her face
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry. Onions was a good dog.
I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “what do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed. Most women can’t pull off sarcasm
Man: "Is your body from Mcdonalds?" Woman: "Why, because your loving it?" Man: “No, because its fat and greasy.” :D
A woman gets rid of polish with chemicals and no one bats an eye The Germans got rid of polish with chemicals and everyone lost their mind
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
My girlfriend is like treasure to me You need a shovel to find her…
A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was “she was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife reply’s “perform the f@cking autopsy!”
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