One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive! My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair Guess who came crawling back
One day a guy named Carson is called a jerk and he says "I went to a party with my girlfriend and this random guy walks up to us and says can I borrow your girlfriend for a 30 minutes I say yes and he takes her up stairs. It was not only 30 minutes but a hour. When she came back down she was out of breath so I knew it was a pretty intense conversation.this happens about 3 more times that night. But as I was saying only a nice guy would let his girlfriend make friends with other guys ????
Why do orphans make the best girlfriends? Because They don’t need permission from their Parents
I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard she turned Christian.
i thought my wife was joking when she said she was gunna leave me because i wouldn’t stop singing “im a believer” but then i saw her face
Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. not everyone gets it
Boy: my girlfriend didn’t dump me, I dumped her… Off the nearby cliff
A woman comes to the doctors an says ‘doctor, I think I have cancer’ the doctor checks it out ‘it’s all in your head’ the doctor says ‘phew’ said the woman, ‘a bunch of tumors, all in your head’
Jokes about menstruation are not funny. Period.
In my mothers generation, they grew up with wonder woman. In ours, we have to wonder if she’s a woman.
Some trans “woman” came up to me and told me to act my age so I told him to act his gender How can you tell if your wife is dead? – The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.
Wives are like grenades… – Remove the ring and boom, house is gone!
A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.
My wife thinks i’m immature, so I told her to get out of my fort.
Wife: (on phone) hi Husband: hey I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.
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