One day a guy named Carson is called a jerk and he says "I went to a party with my girlfriend and this random guy walks up to us and says can I borrow your girlfriend for a 30 minutes I say yes and he takes her up stairs. It was not only 30 minutes but a hour. When she came back down she was out of breath so I knew it was a pretty intense conversation.this happens about 3 more times that night. But as I was saying only a nice guy would let his girlfriend make friends with other guys ????
I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend. She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.
At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become. On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again. “Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.
I took my girlfriend out the other day… Man do I love being a sniper.
My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers. To be honest, I should have seen the signs.
Me and my girlfriend were planning on having sex but I said me and my little brother share a bunk bed and he’s on the bottom. She said tell him we’re making sandwiches so we came up with a plan. Tomato means harder and cheese means faster. So we were having sex and she was screaming tomato tomato tomato cheese cheese cheese, then my little brother said can y’all stop making sandwiches your getting mayonnaise all over my bed.
Flippity floppity women are property
A : Whats the similarity between your girlfriend and the Sun? B : They’re both hot? A : They’re both massive.
What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you? Take her wheel chair, she’ll come crawling back.
A wife and husband was setting up their computer and the husband makes the password my dick, but the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.
Husband: Hay honey words can’t describe how beautiful you are. Wife: aww thanks Husband:But numbers can 0 out of 10
my girlfriend asked me if we could have anal sex and I said what’s that, she said I f@ck her ass, I said oh my uncle calls that shhhhh
My wife wanted a present that could go from Zero to 80 very quickly. So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.
My ex girlfriend got hit by a bus. I also lost my bus drivers licence.
Only one of Kenny’s girlfriends has ever said he’s good in bed. But she has to. She’s his mom.
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