Woman jokes

What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most? The “cold and passed out” kind.

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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

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A wife and husband had been on a strict diet and the wife said yaknow weve been good about our diet lets have a cheat night tonight. The wife came home with kfc and wendys. the husband came home with sylvia from the office.

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An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

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A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to. He says to the first one "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny" He says to the second one "You are addicted to food, you named you daughter Candy" Then the third one whispers to her son “Come on Dick, lets go.”

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What’s the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.

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When your girlfriend has an abortion, it’s kinda like dodging your own bullets.

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My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side so i crashed the car.

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A woman comes to the doctor and tells her ‘doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?’ The doctor says ‘my number’

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A man needs to leave for lengthy a business trip, but his wife is saddened by this. She explains to him that if he isn’t home every night, there will be no way to satisfy herself if she feels horny. The man claims that she doesn’t need sex, because a dildo should work just fine. He quickly runs to the local gift shop and asks the cashier if the store carries anything

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A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, “WHO THE F*** F***ED MY WIFE!” A man in the back responds, “YOU AINT GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!” A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.

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A guy is due to meet his friends for drink at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late. The guy says, “Well, you won’t believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her.” The friends are cheering and one friend asks, “So… did you get any head?” The guy replies, “No, I couldn’t find it.”

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so i was sitting on the couch with a woman,and i asked her,does this napkin smell like chloroform?

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Your at your girlfriends house for a family dinner. Your GF says, " Daddy please pass me the salt." when you and her father begin to reach for the salt.

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My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are… But I laugh more. How can you tell if you have a high sperm count? When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.

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