One day I told my wife that she drew her I brows too high, She looked surprised.
I comforted my friend about his wife’s death: until I found out who did it.
The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is stupid because we’ve all kicked a pregnant woman before we where even born. the doctor says to the woman there was good and bad news. the woman says she wants the bad news first the doctor says the bad news is the baby had red hair. then he said the good news is it is dead.
One day I got home and told my girlfriend “I cheated on you.” she replied with “F**k you” I then said “But you won’t, that’s why I cheated on you.”
My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish. I started thrashing about and roared “You don’t have enough badges to control me!”
my boyfriend accused me of cheating. i told him he reminded me of my girlfriend.
What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Stop and apply lubrication.
My wife thinks i’m immature, so I told her to get out of my fort.
Woman: Doctor, where are we going? Doctor: To the morgue. Woman: I’m not dead yet, doctor. Doctor: We’re not at morgue yet, either
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!” She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?” To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
Have u ever noticed When a woman is pregnant aII her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “weII done”
A blind man walks into a bar, and asks the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bartender replies with, “I’m blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde.” Then says “Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke? ” the blind guy responds with "No I don’t wanna tell it that many times.
My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
Q: What did the skeleton say when he proposed to his girlfriend? A: Will you marrow me?
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