Woman jokes

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My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers. To be honest, I should have seen the signs.

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When your girlfriend has an abortion, it’s kinda like dodging your own bullets.

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why did the orphan not have a girlfriend? because he thought that she would leave him to.

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What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you? Take her wheel chair, she’ll come crawling back.

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Wife: (on phone) hi Husband: hey I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.

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Two friends who’ve been bros for forever see each other in Wal-Mart in the card section. The first guy asks what he got his wife for her birthday. The second guy tells him he got her a Maserati and a card. The first guy tells him he got his wife a card and a dildo for her birthday. The second guy asks why he got his wife a dildo for her birthday. The first guy says, “If she doesn’t like the card I got her, then she can go f@ck herself!”

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What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most? The “cold and passed out” kind.

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My girlfriend is a porn star. – She will kill me if she finds out.

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My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair. But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.

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One night a girl said to her family "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa. the next morning her grandpa died. That night she said "Goodnight mommy, Goodnight daddy, Goodbye Grandma. the next morning the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night the girl said "Goodnight mommy, Goodbye daddy. the next morning the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine but when he went into the kitchen he saw his wife crying. when he asked her whats wrong she said “The Mail Man died”.

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