how did Stephan hawking please his woman he uses a hard drive.
My girlfriend broke up with me. She said I was a pedophile. I told her, “PEDOPHILE? Wow, that sure is a big word for an eight-year-old!”
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
Guy starts chatting to pretty woman at a party Seeing that she didn’t back off he asked her name. “Carmen,” she replied. That’s a nice name," he said warming up the conversation, “Who named you, your mother?” "No, I named myself, she answered. “Oh, that’s interesting. Why Carmen?” “Because I like cars, and I like men,” she said looking directly into his eyes. “So what’s your name?” she asked. ‘BJ Titsngolf’
Jon said:What do you call a pregnant woman? Mike said: I don’t know what? Jon said: kinder surprise
I showed my girlfriend my shotgun yesterday. It really blew her away.
My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side so i crashed the car.
A woman gets rid of polish with chemicals and no one bats an eye The Germans got rid of polish with chemicals and everyone lost their mind
Vagina jokes aren’t funny. Moist of the time.
I took my girlfriend out the other day… Man do I love being a sniper.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
my girl is so cute when she sleeps I watch her all the time……………….tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time
Me and my wife were out at dinner me being 48 and her being 19, people where screaming at us and calling me a creep. It realy ruined our 10th anniversary
Me and my girlfriend were planning on having sex but I said me and my little brother share a bunk bed and he’s on the bottom. She said tell him we’re making sandwiches so we came up with a plan. Tomato means harder and cheese means faster. So we were having sex and she was screaming tomato tomato tomato cheese cheese cheese, then my little brother said can y’all stop making sandwiches your getting mayonnaise all over my bed.
A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. “Long day?” the bartender asks. “Well… My oldest son just came out…” The man finishes the shots and leaves the bar. The next day, the man comes back and orders four shots. “What now?” the bartender asks. “My middle son just came out.” The man finishes his drinks and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders five shots. “Again?” the bartender asks. “Yeah. My youngest son.” He drinks his shots and leaves. The next day, he comes in again. This time, he orders ten shots. “My God! Is there anyone in your family that likes girls? ?” the bartender asks. “Yeah… My wife.”
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