Woman jokes

Tell someone to look in their shirt and spell attic hehe

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I took my girlfriend out the other day… Man do I love being a sniper.

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I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

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The cops are still searching for my wife’s killer. Luckily I already fled the country.

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My girlfriend got ran over by a bus I lost my job as a bus driver.

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A man needs to leave for lengthy a business trip, but his wife is saddened by this. She explains to him that if he isn’t home every night, there will be no way to satisfy herself if she feels horny. The man claims that she doesn’t need sex, because a dildo should work just fine. He quickly runs to the local gift shop and asks the cashier if the store carries anything

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A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.

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The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is stupid because we’ve all kicked a pregnant woman before we where even born. the doctor says to the woman there was good and bad news. the woman says she wants the bad news first the doctor says the bad news is the baby had red hair. then he said the good news is it is dead.

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I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry. Onions was a good dog.

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Man: "Is your body from Mcdonalds?" Woman: "Why, because your loving it?" Man: “No, because its fat and greasy.” :D

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One day I told my wife that she drew her I brows too high, She looked surprised.

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Doctor: Madam, Your Husband Needs Rest And Peace So Here Are Some Sleeping Pills. Wife: Doctor, When Should I Give Them To Him? Doctor: They Are For You.!!

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Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?” Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”

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A woman walks into a doctor’s office. She schedules an appointment and sits down it the waiting room. Whem it’s her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they’re unlike anything he’s heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, ‘Well I have good news and bad news.’ The woman says, ‘I’ll hear the good news first please. ’ The doctor replies ‘The good news is we’re naming a disease after you!’

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My wife told me I was immature. I just told her to get out of my pillow fort.

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