Girlfriend: am I pretty or ugly? Boyfriend: your both! Girlfriend: what do you mean by that? Boyfriend: your pretty ugly!!!
A woman comes to the doctors an says ‘doctor, I think I have cancer’ the doctor checks it out ‘it’s all in your head’ the doctor says ‘phew’ said the woman, ‘a bunch of tumors, all in your head’
Why do orphans make the best girlfriends? Because They don’t need permission from their Parents
i cought my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.
What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend? He wipes his butt.
A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him: Wife: why is your face all bloody? Husband: I was so drunk that I couldn’t stand up so I kept falling on my face! Wife: idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!
how did Stephan hawking please his woman he uses a hard drive.
FIRST DATE man: i work with animals every day woman: oh how sweet! what is it that you do? man: im a butcher…
Jokes about menstruation are not funny. Period.
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. – But if I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
What is similar about a dog and a woman? You can ask them to come
my girlfriend asked me if we could have anal sex and I said what’s that, she said I f@ck her ass, I said oh my uncle calls that shhhhh
My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me. The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment. With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.
so i was sitting on the couch with a woman,and i asked her,does this napkin smell like chloroform?
My girlfriend called me a bot in fortnite, so I called her sandwich maker 3000
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