A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months she woke. She asked the doctor “hows the baby?” “You had twins” the doctor replied. “Your brother named them” the woman said *oh no not my brother what did he call them?" “He called the girl Denise” “what about the boy” the woman asked the doctor said “denephew”
When your girlfriend has an abortion, it’s kinda like dodging your own bullets.
Me and my wife were out at dinner me being 48 and her being 19, people where screaming at us and calling me a creep. It realy ruined our 10th anniversary
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, “No, wait! I can change.”
Jokes about menstruation are not funny. Period.
My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won’t stop complaining about their mom whats the difference between a lightbulb and a preganant woman you can unscrew the lightbulb
I keep looking for my girlfriends killer but no one wants to do it.
Why couldn’t the lizard get a girlfriend? Because he had a reptile dysfunction!
Have u ever noticed When a woman is pregnant aII her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “weII done”
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she’s a slut, but if a man does it… He’s gay, definitely gay.
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. – But if I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife died.
Only one of Kenny’s girlfriends has ever said he’s good in bed. But she has to. She’s his mom.
Do you know what’s the difference between a knife and a girl’s argument A knife has a point
Therapist: so what brought you here today? wife: he’s too literal Therapist: and you sir? husband: my truck
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