Boy: my girlfriend didn’t dump me, I dumped her… Off the nearby cliff
I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.
Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you’re super annoying and won’t shut up.
Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?” Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”
A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.
Billy: spits out food Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths. Dad: looks at mom Mom: Shut up If you get you get it
Hey what is the difference between a painting and a wife? Only the wife was hung up
Man: "Is your body from Mcdonalds?" Woman: "Why, because your loving it?" Man: “No, because its fat and greasy.” :D
What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets? Women.
Tell someone to look in their shirt and spell attic hehe
you can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. For example, if she’s holding a gun, she’s probably angry.
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she’s a slut, but if a man does it… He’s gay, definitely gay.
Window Problems A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won’t open." Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer. " Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now.”
3 construction workers where sitting on the bridge that they where building having their lunch break. The first guy says “If I get a vegimite sandwich again I am going to jump off this bridge.” The second guys says “If get a peanut butter sandwich again I am going to jump off this bridge”. The third guy says if I get another strawberry jam sandwich then I am going to jump off this bridge.” The next day the first guy gets a vegimite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All 3 guys jump of the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals the first wife says “If he just told me I would have given him a different sandwich.” The second guys wife says “It is all my fault. If only I knew.” The third wife says “I don’t get it, he makes his own lunch.”
why is there no woman on the moon? because it doesnt need to be cleaned
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