The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is stupid because we’ve all kicked a pregnant woman before we where even born. the doctor says to the woman there was good and bad news. the woman says she wants the bad news first the doctor says the bad news is the baby had red hair. then he said the good news is it is dead.
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. – But if I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
Wife: (on phone) hi Husband: hey I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.
A man boards a plane with six children of various ages. After the plane takes off, a woman sitting sitting behind the man asks him, “are all of them yours?” “No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”
Me: Are you okay? Dentist: I’m just a bit surprised. When I said to you “spit it out” I wasn’t expecting you to say you’ve been shagging my wife.
A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands for money. Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, “Did you see me rob this bank?” The man replied, “Yes sir, I did.” The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly. He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, “Did you see me rob this bank? ” The man replied, “No sir, I didn’t, but my wife did!”
my girlfriend dumped me today apparently I don’t stand up for her in fights I don’t care she use to push me around all the time
Q: What did the skeleton say when he proposed to his girlfriend? A: Will you marrow me?
Doctor: Madam, Your Husband Needs Rest And Peace So Here Are Some Sleeping Pills. Wife: Doctor, When Should I Give Them To Him? Doctor: They Are For You.!!
Husband: Hay honey words can’t describe how beautiful you are. Wife: aww thanks Husband:But numbers can 0 out of 10
3 men walk into heaven at the same time. they all live in the same city. god asks the first man “how did you die?” the man says “I have a heart condition and iv’e been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. anyway I get how from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hang of the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guys fingers! he falls into a bush so I throw a refrigerator on him.” God asks the next man “how did you die?” the man says I was cleaning the windows and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! luckily I fall safely in a bush! but then a refrigerator falls on me! " god asks the third man he says" I was the one in the fridge!"
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, “No, wait! I can change.”
A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was “she was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife reply’s “perform the f@cking autopsy!”
Roast: What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus? One is hairy and smells like fish and the other is a walrus. Your welcome
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