FIRST DATE man: i work with animals every day woman: oh how sweet! what is it that you do? man: im a butcher…
My wife told me I was immature. I just told her to get out of my pillow fort.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
After my wife died, I couldn’t even look at another woman for 10 years. But now that I’m out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!
Last halloween i went dressed as a woman. When i rang the doorbell an elderly woman opened and i made grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands. She immediately called the police and told them excactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First he asked are your parents here and i said nothing. Concerned by my answer he then asked if i was ok so i said nothing. He asked me what my name and i responded, "Hellen Keller.
Man: "Is your body from Mcdonalds?" Woman: "Why, because your loving it?" Man: “No, because its fat and greasy.” :D
Vagina jokes aren’t funny. Moist of the time.
Why do orphans make the best girlfriends? Because They don’t need permission from their Parents
A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him: Wife: why is your face all bloody? Husband: I was so drunk that I couldn’t stand up so I kept falling on my face! Wife: idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!
My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again
A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. “Long day?” the bartender asks. “Well… My oldest son just came out…” The man finishes the shots and leaves the bar. The next day, the man comes back and orders four shots. “What now?” the bartender asks. “My middle son just came out.” The man finishes his drinks and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders five shots. “Again?” the bartender asks. “Yeah. My youngest son.” He drinks his shots and leaves. The next day, he comes in again. This time, he orders ten shots. “My God! Is there anyone in your family that likes girls? ?” the bartender asks. “Yeah… My wife.”
A man wakes up from his operation and the doctor says ‘I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?’ The man says ‘bad’ so the doctor says ‘during the surgery your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man’ the man says ‘what’s the good then? ’ And the doctor says ‘I’m picking her up at 7’
Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you’re super annoying and won’t shut up.
you can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. For example, if she’s holding a gun, she’s probably angry.
Hitler visits a lunatic asylum. The patients give the Hitler salute. As he passes down the line he comes across a woman who Isn?’t saluting. ?Why are you not saluting like the others? ? Hitler barks. ?"Mein Fuhrer, I?m the nurse," she responds "I?m not crazy!?
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