I know a woman who owns a taser. – She’s stunning!
I was watching my daughter play at the park, a woman came up to me and asked which one was mine, I said I was still choosing.
My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me. The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment. With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.
A woman comes to the doctor and tells her ‘doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?’ The doctor says ‘my number’
(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes) What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick I was going to tell a dead baby joke. But I decided to abort. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead. 4.Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at. Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life. I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box. My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
After my wife died, I couldn’t even look at another woman for 10 years. But now that I’m out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!
What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend? He wipes his butt.
one time i broke up with my roblox girlfriend by sending her a message, 30 seconds later i heard my uncle crying in the next room
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
A programmer and his wife. She says, “We’re out of bread. Please go the grocery store and buy one. And if they’ve got eggs, get six.” After a while, he’s back with six loaves of bread. The wife asks, “Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?” He replies, “They had eggs.”
my boyfriend accused me of cheating. i told him he reminded me of my girlfriend.
Jokes about menstruation are not funny. Period.
When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room. My father is like Houdini, when he heard his girlfriend was pregnant he disappeared.
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
I see some objects over there… oh never mind, that’s a woman.
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