Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. Paddy agrees to tell Seamuswife the bad news. He knocks on the door and Seamus wife answers. " Whats happened Paddy?" Paddy frowns. " Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly? " Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex. They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.
nearly 40% of the world have been in a relationship; the 60% are worstjokesever.com users
I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
Jon said:What do you call a pregnant woman? Mike said: I don’t know what? Jon said: kinder surprise
Guy starts chatting to pretty woman at a party Seeing that she didn’t back off he asked her name. “Carmen,” she replied. That’s a nice name," he said warming up the conversation, “Who named you, your mother?” "No, I named myself, she answered. “Oh, that’s interesting. Why Carmen?” “Because I like cars, and I like men,” she said looking directly into his eyes. “So what’s your name?” she asked. ‘BJ Titsngolf’
An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee, A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after awhile and says, “Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in”.
i thought my wife was joking when she said she was gunna leave me because i wouldn’t stop singing “im a believer” but then i saw her face
one day a priest loses his cock (chicken) he goes to the church and says “who has seen a cock” all the woman raised their hands “no who has seen a cock that is not theirs” half the woman’s htm title=' my cock” all the nuns hands went up'>hands went up “NO NO NO who has seen my cock” all the nuns hands went up
what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back
What’s the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle? my girlfriend didn’t go to jail for loving me. I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.
Woman: Doctor, where are we going? Doctor: To the morgue. Woman: I’m not dead yet, doctor. Doctor: We’re not at morgue yet, either
My girlfriend called me a pedophile but what does she know, She’s 7
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry. Onions was a good dog.
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