If depression is going to be my girlfriend. Will she leave me?
I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.
wha can you tella dog, but not your girlfriend…? come
My wife wanted a present that could go from Zero to 80 very quickly. So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.
My girlfriend called me a pedophile but what does she know, She’s 7
what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back
A : Whats the similarity between your girlfriend and the Sun? B : They’re both hot? A : They’re both massive.
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb You can’t unscrew a pregnant woman What’s a similarity between a broken lightbulb, and a pregnant woman They’re both accidents
There are two siblings. A little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night, and take her home. So they get to the bigger brothers house, and walk in his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk bed. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, “whenever you feel good, say lettuce, and whenever you want to switch positions say tomato.” The girl constantly is saying “lettuce, tomato” and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, " can you guys stop making sandwiches, you’re getting mayonnaise all over me.
I told my orphan girlfriend that I had to grab milk (goes to the store grabs milk) as I grab the milk I thought hey I bet I can repeat her life twice
If a man drove over a woman, whose fault was it? The man, because he shouldn’t be driving in the kitchen.
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
how do you know when your wife is cheating on you? she comes home with sparkles on her face
Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. not everyone gets it
one time i broke up with my roblox girlfriend by sending her a message, 30 seconds later i heard my uncle crying in the next room
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