I showed my girlfriend my shotgun yesterday. It really blew her away.
My girlfriends last words I can’t wait to become a mom
My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers. To be honest, I should have seen the signs.
A woman went out on a date and said “I’m thirty one with the body of a sixteen year old” the man responded “wanna show me???” the woman took him back to her house and opened her freezer and said, “take a look”
I said to my pregnant wife push darling , come on push harder dear , no she wasn’t giving birth the bloody car would not start .
Once an orphan got a girlfriend. He regreted it. She left him too.
Most states: “It’s ok, it won’t be awkward. We’re still friends.” Alabama: “She didn’t wanna be my girlfriend anymore. But she said she’ll still be my sister.”
A programmer and his wife. She says, “We’re out of bread. Please go the grocery store and buy one. And if they’ve got eggs, get six.” After a while, he’s back with six loaves of bread. The wife asks, “Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?” He replies, “They had eggs.”
In my mothers generation, they grew up with wonder woman. In ours, we have to wonder if she’s a woman.
What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.
I told my orphan girlfriend that I had to grab milk (goes to the store grabs milk) as I grab the milk I thought hey I bet I can repeat her life twice
I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard she turned Christian.
Wife: (on phone) hi Husband: hey I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.
Wives are like grenades… – Remove the ring and boom, house is gone!
You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. – If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.
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