Why do orphans make the best girlfriends? Because They don’t need permission from their Parents
What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most? The “cold and passed out” kind.
What’s the worst part of Breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice until she finally gets it. I have a problem my dad any my girlfriend have the same birthday. So one took my virginity and the other is my girlfriend
A guy is due to meet his friends for drink at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late. The guy says, “Well, you won’t believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her.” The friends are cheering and one friend asks, “So… did you get any head?” The guy replies, “No, I couldn’t find it.”
Wives are like grenades… – Remove the ring and boom, house is gone!
My wife told me pass her lip stck but i gave her a glue stick now she is not talking to me
The other day my friend messaged by saying “bro I have two pieces of bad news for you.” I told him to combine them. He replied with “your girlfriend is cheating on both of us.”
My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
Girlfriend: am I pretty or ugly? Boyfriend: your both! Girlfriend: what do you mean by that? Boyfriend: your pretty ugly!!!
The doctor says “your wife is PREGNENT” the man says that he used a condom and the doctor says "ya but I didn’t
A : Whats the similarity between your girlfriend and the Sun? B : They’re both hot? A : They’re both massive.
what is the diffrence between a snow woman and a snowman? Snowballs
If depression is going to be my girlfriend. Will she leave me?
%% %%It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. ‘No,’ says the neighbor. ‘The seat is empty.’ ‘This is incredible,’ said the man. ‘Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?’ The neighbor says, ‘Well actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.’ ‘Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible….But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat? ’ The man shakes his head. ‘No,’ he says. ‘They’re all at the funeral.’
Girlfriends are just like Ak47s they always go off on you.
RUS | ENG
