How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Therapist: so what brought you here today? wife: he’s too literal Therapist: and you sir? husband: my truck
Girlfriend: am I pretty or ugly? Boyfriend: your both! Girlfriend: what do you mean by that? Boyfriend: your pretty ugly!!!
what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back
My ex-wife still misses me… BUT HER AIM IS GETTIN BETTER!
A lot of things have changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant. My name, my address and my phone number.
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. – But if I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
Most states: “It’s ok, it won’t be awkward. We’re still friends.” Alabama: “She didn’t wanna be my girlfriend anymore. But she said she’ll still be my sister.”
Flippity floppity women are property
One day a guy named Carson is called a jerk and he says "I went to a party with my girlfriend and this random guy walks up to us and says can I borrow your girlfriend for a 30 minutes I say yes and he takes her up stairs. It was not only 30 minutes but a hour. When she came back down she was out of breath so I knew it was a pretty intense conversation.this happens about 3 more times that night. But as I was saying only a nice guy would let his girlfriend make friends with other guys ????
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a seven year old.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.
A wife and husband was setting up their computer and the husband makes the password my dick, but the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb You can unscrew a light bulg
Guy starts chatting to pretty woman at a party Seeing that she didn’t back off he asked her name. “Carmen,” she replied. That’s a nice name," he said warming up the conversation, “Who named you, your mother?” "No, I named myself, she answered. “Oh, that’s interesting. Why Carmen?” “Because I like cars, and I like men,” she said looking directly into his eyes. “So what’s your name?” she asked. ‘BJ Titsngolf’
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