School Bully: How’s your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don’t have any! Me: How’s your parents? Oh wait, you don’t have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times and she won’t believe you. Tell a woman she’s fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
Little Jonny just came back from quarantine with his girlfriend Sally. They both said they had to go to the bathroom. When they came back Sally was coughing up a storm. The teacher said you need to be quarantined again. No sally said I was just in the bathroom choking on something that grown-ups especially women like. Then the teacher faints.
My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me. The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment. With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.
A woman comes to the doctor and tells her ‘doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?’ The doctor says ‘my number’
I see some objects over there… oh never mind, that’s a woman.
What’s the worst part of Breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice until she finally gets it. I have a problem my dad any my girlfriend have the same birthday. So one took my virginity and the other is my girlfriend
“What does the word ‘gay’ mean?” asked a son his father. “It means ‘happy’,” replied the father. “Oh,” contested the son, “so you are gay then?” “No, son, I have a wife.”
Stage 4 cancer is like a woman you can’t beat it but if you do she’ll probably come back again A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she’s away. On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead. The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, “You can’t tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn’t get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day you could have said that she died from complications.” The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, “Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can’t get down …”
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb You can unscrew a light bulg
What is similar about a dog and a woman? You can ask them to come
A kid tell me he was gonna f$&k my mom on Fortnite! So I toldhim I was gonna double pump his mom untill she was wet like moisty meyers like if your not A GAY dislike if your furry repost if you HATE blacks omment for VBUCKS sub to me on youtube its my friend and he has aids send himjoeide53rygq2ej/le nb rfcshsu 3nurtv N3Q5UERIUGWTC7w2VWGYEHIWAWASERYAANFYINSIDEFREHJOBUGFUYWUSGRFYDIDYFRG911
Therapist: so what brought you here today? wife: he’s too literal Therapist: and you sir? husband: my truck
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she’s a slut, but if a man does it… He’s gay, definitely gay.
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