why is there no woman on the moon? because it doesnt need to be cleaned
My ex girlfriend got hit by a bus. I also lost my bus drivers licence.
You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. – If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.
A woman gets rid of polish with chemicals and no one bats an eye The Germans got rid of polish with chemicals and everyone lost their mind
My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.
What’s the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side
A guy is due to meet his friends for drink at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late. The guy says, “Well, you won’t believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her.” The friends are cheering and one friend asks, “So… did you get any head?” The guy replies, “No, I couldn’t find it.”
I said to my pregnant wife push darling , come on push harder dear , no she wasn’t giving birth the bloody car would not start .
A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was “she was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife reply’s “perform the f@cking autopsy!”
A man ordered a washing machine because his old one stopped working. As soon as the man opened his new washing machine, he immediately rejoiced because there was a woman inside. Without hesitation the man yelled. FREE DISHWASHER!
I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.
My girlfriend treats me like God. – She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.
Tell someone to look in their shirt and spell attic hehe
rmm
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
RUS | ENG
