Tell someone to look in their shirt and spell attic hehe
How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands for money. Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, “Did you see me rob this bank?” The man replied, “Yes sir, I did.” The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly. He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, “Did you see me rob this bank? ” The man replied, “No sir, I didn’t, but my wife did!”
Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number
A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says “What’s wrong?” The woman says “I’ve never been hugged before.” So, the man gives her a hug and walks away. The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says “What’s wrong, now?” The woman says “I’ve never been kissed before.” So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away. The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says “Oh, for Christ’s sake! What’s wrong, this time?!” The woman says “Well, I’ve never been f@cked before.” So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells “YOU’RE f@ckED!”
what is the diffrence between a snow woman and a snowman? Snowballs
i cought my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish. I started thrashing about and roared “You don’t have enough badges to control me!”
Why do women rub their eyes in the morning? Because they don’t have balls.
A husband and a wife have four children the oldest three are tall with blonde hair, the youngest is short with brown hair. The husband was on his deathbed and said “honey, can you be completely honest with me, is our youngest son mine?” The wife says “I swear to all that is holy he is your son.” Then the husband died and the wife muttered, “thank god he didn’t ask about the other three.”
A woman gets rid of polish with chemicals and no one bats an eye The Germans got rid of polish with chemicals and everyone lost their mind
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. – But if I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
My ex girlfriend got hit by a bus. I also lost my bus drivers licence.
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!” She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?” To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
RUS | ENG
