Billy: spits out food Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths. Dad: looks at mom Mom: Shut up If you get you get it
I comforted my friend about his wife’s death: until I found out who did it.
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. – But if I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
Jon said:What do you call a pregnant woman? Mike said: I don’t know what? Jon said: kinder surprise
I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset
Little Jonny just came back from quarantine with his girlfriend Sally. They both said they had to go to the bathroom. When they came back Sally was coughing up a storm. The teacher said you need to be quarantined again. No sally said I was just in the bathroom choking on something that grown-ups especially women like. Then the teacher faints.
Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?” Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”
I haven’t talked to my wife in three weeks. – I didn’t want to interrupt her. A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3… The boy said, “Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she’s in Grade 4”. The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal.The principal decided to test the boy with some
My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day: Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you’re told. What’s the difference between your girlfriend and sister ? Nothing if your from Alabama
What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most? The “cold and passed out” kind.
A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to. He says to the first one "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny" He says to the second one "You are addicted to food, you named you daughter Candy" Then the third one whispers to her son “Come on Dick, lets go.”
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife died.
Wife: (on phone) hi Husband: hey I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.
what is the diffrence between a snow woman and a snowman? Snowballs
Me and my girlfriend were planning on having sex but I said me and my little brother share a bunk bed and he’s on the bottom. She said tell him we’re making sandwiches so we came up with a plan. Tomato means harder and cheese means faster. So we were having sex and she was screaming tomato tomato tomato cheese cheese cheese, then my little brother said can y’all stop making sandwiches your getting mayonnaise all over my bed.
RUS | ENG
