How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Wife: "How would you describe me?" Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." Wife: "What does that mean?" Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute ©, delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H). " Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" Husband: “I’m just kidding!”
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
i cought my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.
Two girls have a sleepover. Karen: Let’s go to bed. Lauren:Fine, but it’s early. *Karen wakes up and exits room" Lauren hears noise Mikey: Your so much better than my girlfriend Karen. Lauren: laughs Lauren: remembers her boyfriend is Karen’s brother Mikey
There are two siblings. A little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night, and take her home. So they get to the bigger brothers house, and walk in his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk bed. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, “whenever you feel good, say lettuce, and whenever you want to switch positions say tomato.” The girl constantly is saying “lettuce, tomato” and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, " can you guys stop making sandwiches, you’re getting mayonnaise all over me.
What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you? Take her wheel chair, she’ll come crawling back.
Why couldn’t the lizard get a girlfriend? Because he had a reptile dysfunction!
Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?” Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”
The other day my friend messaged by saying “bro I have two pieces of bad news for you.” I told him to combine them. He replied with “your girlfriend is cheating on both of us.”
What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend? He wipes his butt.
A blind man walks into a bar, and asks the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bartender replies with, “I’m blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde.” Then says “Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke? ” the blind guy responds with "No I don’t wanna tell it that many times.
The cops are still searching for my wife’s killer. Luckily I already fled the country.
If a man drove over a woman, whose fault was it? The man, because he shouldn’t be driving in the kitchen.
how did Stephan hawking please his woman he uses a hard drive.
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