My wife told me pass her lip stck but i gave her a glue stick now she is not talking to me
A Man walks into a bar and Orders 3 shots of Whisky, The Bartender asks "What’s got you down" The man says “I just found out my Niece is gay.” The next day he orders 4 shots of Whisky The Bartender asks “What’s got you down now?” The man says "I just found out my son is gay." The next day he orders 6 shots of whisky The Bartender says "Got anybody who likes Women? " The man says “My wife does.”
A lot of things have changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant. My name, my address and my phone number.
Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. not everyone gets it
My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair. But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.
Me and my girlfriend were planning on having sex but I said me and my little brother share a bunk bed and he’s on the bottom. She said tell him we’re making sandwiches so we came up with a plan. Tomato means harder and cheese means faster. So we were having sex and she was screaming tomato tomato tomato cheese cheese cheese, then my little brother said can y’all stop making sandwiches your getting mayonnaise all over my bed.
A woman went out on a date and said “I’m thirty one with the body of a sixteen year old” the man responded “wanna show me???” the woman took him back to her house and opened her freezer and said, “take a look”
When I was a kid I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.
My ex girlfriend got hit by a bus. I also lost my bus drivers licence.
What’s the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side
The cops are still searching for my wife’s killer. Luckily I already fled the country.
Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex. They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.
I was watching my daughter play at the park, a woman came up to me and asked which one was mine, I said I was still choosing.
Most states: “It’s ok, it won’t be awkward. We’re still friends.” Alabama: “She didn’t wanna be my girlfriend anymore. But she said she’ll still be my sister.”
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry. Onions was a good dog.
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