A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands for money. Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, “Did you see me rob this bank?” The man replied, “Yes sir, I did.” The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly. He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, “Did you see me rob this bank? ” The man replied, “No sir, I didn’t, but my wife did!”
One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive! My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair Guess who came crawling back
My girlfriend called me a pedophile but what does she know, She’s 7
Vagina jokes aren’t funny. Moist of the time.
A elderly woman and an elderly man were at a retirement home The man was shuffling a deck of cards for a card game The man asks "Is it your first time? " The woman replies “It’s been a while since a man has asked me that.”
I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset
one day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy then they heard a sound from the bushes, instead of looking down they both ran. two years later they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial they asked him if he has ever been caught he said “No but a couple was walking as soon as i killed a girl i jumped into a bush they didnt know i was there but the man stepped on the dead body but didn’t look down then he and his girlfriend ran.”
Most states: “It’s ok, it won’t be awkward. We’re still friends.” Alabama: “She didn’t wanna be my girlfriend anymore. But she said she’ll still be my sister.”
my girl is so cute when she sleeps I watch her all the time……………….tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time
When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room. My father is like Houdini, when he heard his girlfriend was pregnant he disappeared.
Window Problems A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won’t open." Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer. " Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now.”
20 years of sex in the dark the wife find out he was using a dildo the wife get angry and says ?explain the dildo prick? the husband says ?explain the children bitch
My girlfriend called me a bot in fortnite, so I called her sandwich maker 3000
I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard she turned Christian.
Husband: I bet you can’t say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time Wife: You have the biggest penis out of all your friends
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