I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Man: "Is your body from Mcdonalds?" Woman: "Why, because your loving it?" Man: “No, because its fat and greasy.” :D
My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
Little Johnny walked on into to his house.He heard a banging sound from up above and decied to investigate.He opened the door to his parents room and saw his naked mom and the woman next door. He thought they were wrestling and decided to join in.
Window Problems A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won’t open." Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer. " Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now.”
One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike, there may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until i find one, i’m stuck here holding my rod
What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most? The “cold and passed out” kind.
Flippity floppity women are property
What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Stop and apply lubrication.
my wife said if I don’t get of the computer shes gonna slam my head in to the keyboard but I think I’ll ajlkfsdhnvkwr;anhf My wife left me for an Indian guy. – I know he’s going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
I asked my girlfriend if he wanted to join my family tree… She dropped the rope and ran
In my mothers generation, they grew up with wonder woman. In ours, we have to wonder if she’s a woman.
I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
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