I asked my girlfriend if he wanted to join my family tree… She dropped the rope and ran
what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back
you can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. For example, if she’s holding a gun, she’s probably angry.
why did the orphan not have a girlfriend? because he thought that she would leave him to.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
FIRST DATE man: i work with animals every day woman: oh how sweet! what is it that you do? man: im a butcher…
My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won’t stop complaining about their mom whats the difference between a lightbulb and a preganant woman you can unscrew the lightbulb
What do u call a woman who says she can do anything a man can do? Wrong
I see some objects over there… oh never mind, that’s a woman.
Some trans “woman” came up to me and told me to act my age so I told him to act his gender How can you tell if your wife is dead? – The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.
What’s the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side
A woman gets rid of polish with chemicals and no one bats an eye The Germans got rid of polish with chemicals and everyone lost their mind
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. – But if I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
My wife is like a mirror I can never look at it
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