Woman jokes

I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry. Onions was a good dog.

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A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labour, the doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father, they agree so the machine is used, 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not felling anything, 100%, nothing. The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.

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I took my girlfriend out the other day… Man do I love being a sniper.

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i thought my wife was joking when she said she was gunna leave me because i wouldn’t stop singing “im a believer” but then i saw her face

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A husband and a wife have four children the oldest three are tall with blonde hair, the youngest is short with brown hair. The husband was on his deathbed and said “honey, can you be completely honest with me, is our youngest son mine?” The wife says “I swear to all that is holy he is your son.” Then the husband died and the wife muttered, “thank god he didn’t ask about the other three.”

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My wife thinks i’m immature, so I told her to get out of my fort.

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What’s the worst part of Breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice until she finally gets it. I have a problem my dad any my girlfriend have the same birthday. So one took my virginity and the other is my girlfriend

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Wife:Honey im pregnant Husband:Hi Pregnant im dad Wife:No you’re not

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I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

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I showed my girlfriend my shotgun yesterday. It really blew her away.

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I know a woman who owns a taser. – She’s stunning!

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A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.

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What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb You can unscrew a light bulg

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“What does the word ‘gay’ mean?” asked a son his father. “It means ‘happy’,” replied the father. “Oh,” contested the son, “so you are gay then?” “No, son, I have a wife.”

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Hey what is the difference between a painting and a wife? Only the wife was hung up

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