One day I got home and told my girlfriend “I cheated on you.” she replied with “F**k you” I then said “But you won’t, that’s why I cheated on you.”
you can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. For example, if she’s holding a gun, she’s probably angry.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry. Onions was a good dog.
I have a girlfriend.
Today was a terrible day. My wife got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver
Most states: “It’s ok, it won’t be awkward. We’re still friends.” Alabama: “She didn’t wanna be my girlfriend anymore. But she said she’ll still be my sister.”
Vagina jokes aren’t funny. Moist of the time.
Hey what is the difference between a painting and a wife? Only the wife was hung up
Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?” Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”
What do u call a woman who says she can do anything a man can do? Wrong
i cought my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.
Me at the Oscars when i see Jada Pinkett Smith, me, I said: “G.I. Jane 2, more like G.I Jada 2, can’t wait to see it” So will smith is laughing and then suddenly, Suddenly Will Smith walks up to me and punches me in the face Me: "Ow, oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.” My nigcka Smith goes: “KEEP MY WIFE’S NAME OUT OF YOUR f@ckING MOUTH! ” Me: “Maybe you should focus on keeping her friends out of hers”
My wife is like a mirror I can never look at it
A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, “WHO THE F*** F***ED MY WIFE!” A man in the back responds, “YOU AINT GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!” A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
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