I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset
what is the diffrence between a snow woman and a snowman? Snowballs
Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. – But if I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
Wives are like grenades… – Remove the ring and boom, house is gone!
After my wife died, I couldn’t even look at another woman for 10 years. But now that I’m out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!
Women are like dogs… “Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?” “Can I come? Can I come? Can I come? ” “I’ll wait right here… I’ll wait right here… I’ll wait right here…” SHOES
Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window… If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let her in.
Some trans “woman” came up to me and told me to act my age so I told him to act his gender How can you tell if your wife is dead? – The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.
My girlfriend treats me like God. – She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.
My wife thinks i’m immature, so I told her to get out of my fort.
An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet-Polish friendship, to be called “Lenin in Poland.” When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests. The painting depicts Lenin’s wife naked in bed with Leon Trotsky. “But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin? ” Asks one of the guests. “Lenin is in Poland,” replies the painter.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
What do u call a woman who says she can do anything a man can do? Wrong
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