A man boards a plane with six children of various ages. After the plane takes off, a woman sitting sitting behind the man asks him, “are all of them yours?” “No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”
There was a man named, Matt, that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, I am here to tell you my sins. He was all for it and said go ahead. Matt, “Father, Last night I almost cheated on my wife” Priest, “how so?” Matt, “We were together naked, but we didn’t do anything just rubbed each other, that’s all” Priest, " RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! for your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box" Matt, “okay i promise not to see her again” Then Matt walks out the door Priest, “Hey I saw you! you didn’t put any money in the donation box!!” Matt, “Yes I did, I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in”
my boyfriend accused me of cheating. i told him he reminded me of my girlfriend.
my girl is so cute when she sleeps I watch her all the time……………….tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time
My girlfriend told me the dishwasher was leaking so I brought home some tampons
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day she said its the biggest thing i ever had in my hand i said no love your just pulling my leg
Wife: (on phone) hi Husband: hey I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.
What do u call a woman who says she can do anything a man can do? Wrong
A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone. It’s either really terrible news or really great news.
Little Johnny walked on into to his house.He heard a banging sound from up above and decied to investigate.He opened the door to his parents room and saw his naked mom and the woman next door. He thought they were wrestling and decided to join in.
Billy: spits out food Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths. Dad: looks at mom Mom: Shut up If you get you get it
My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers. To be honest, I should have seen the signs.
A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “Ha! Thats not going to help! ” She said. “Sure it does.” he said. “Its the only way i can see the numbers.”
I took my girlfriend out the other day… Man do I love being a sniper.
In my mothers generation, they grew up with wonder woman. In ours, we have to wonder if she’s a woman.
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