What’s the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side
Why has Stephen hawking’s stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector
Why can’t Helen Keller drive? Because she’s a woman.
How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you’re super annoying and won’t shut up.
A : Whats the similarity between your girlfriend and the Sun? B : They’re both hot? A : They’re both massive.
The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is stupid because we’ve all kicked a pregnant woman before we where even born. the doctor says to the woman there was good and bad news. the woman says she wants the bad news first the doctor says the bad news is the baby had red hair. then he said the good news is it is dead.
Jon said:What do you call a pregnant woman? Mike said: I don’t know what? Jon said: kinder surprise
Do you know what’s the difference between a knife and a girl’s argument A knife has a point
%% %%It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. ‘No,’ says the neighbor. ‘The seat is empty.’ ‘This is incredible,’ said the man. ‘Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?’ The neighbor says, ‘Well actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.’ ‘Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible….But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat? ’ The man shakes his head. ‘No,’ he says. ‘They’re all at the funeral.’
Some trans “woman” came up to me and told me to act my age so I told him to act his gender How can you tell if your wife is dead? – The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.
"I’d rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth,"the woman told her dentist. He replied, “Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair.”
Wife: (on phone) hi Husband: hey I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.
You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. – If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.
My girlfriend told me the dishwasher was leaking so I brought home some tampons
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