I told my orphan girlfriend that I had to grab milk (goes to the store grabs milk) as I grab the milk I thought hey I bet I can repeat her life twice
A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him: Wife: why is your face all bloody? Husband: I was so drunk that I couldn’t stand up so I kept falling on my face! Wife: idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!
When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room. My father is like Houdini, when he heard his girlfriend was pregnant he disappeared.
**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him … everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it’s me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing … I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market … they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open. ) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?
wha can you tella dog, but not your girlfriend…? come
The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is stupid because we’ve all kicked a pregnant woman before we where even born. the doctor says to the woman there was good and bad news. the woman says she wants the bad news first the doctor says the bad news is the baby had red hair. then he said the good news is it is dead.
What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Stop and apply lubrication.
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb You can unscrew a light bulg
I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.
At the resturant, the waitress starts flirting with me. “She must have COVID,” my wife said. “Why?” I asked. “Cuz she clearly has no taste.” She responded.
My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again
I asked my girlfriend if he wanted to join my family tree… She dropped the rope and ran
Do you know what’s the difference between a knife and a girl’s argument A knife has a point
My wife told me I was immature. I just told her to get out of my pillow fort.
There was a cannibal who had a wife and (eight) kids.
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