My girlfriends last words I can’t wait to become a mom
my girlfriend dumped me today apparently I don’t stand up for her in fights I don’t care she use to push me around all the time
Do you know what’s the difference between a knife and a girl’s argument A knife has a point
A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another guy “What’s going on here!?” He exclaims. The wife replies “See, I told you he was stupid.”
My ex-wife still misses me… BUT HER AIM IS GETTIN BETTER!
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg? Eileen
Girlfriend: am I pretty or ugly? Boyfriend: your both! Girlfriend: what do you mean by that? Boyfriend: your pretty ugly!!!
Two men were talking about their wives The first man says “My wife is an angel.” The second man says “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”
A elderly woman and an elderly man were at a retirement home The man was shuffling a deck of cards for a card game The man asks "Is it your first time? " The woman replies “It’s been a while since a man has asked me that.”
"I’d rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth,"the woman told her dentist. He replied, “Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair.”
What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend? He wipes his butt.
what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back
A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to. He says to the first one "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny" He says to the second one "You are addicted to food, you named you daughter Candy" Then the third one whispers to her son “Come on Dick, lets go.”
Wife:Honey im pregnant Husband:Hi Pregnant im dad Wife:No you’re not
I told my orphan girlfriend that I had to grab milk (goes to the store grabs milk) as I grab the milk I thought hey I bet I can repeat her life twice
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