Woman jokes

My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers. To be honest, I should have seen the signs.

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What’s the difference between a nun and a woman in a bath tub? One’s got hope in her soul, the others got soap in her hole.

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my girl is so cute when she sleeps I watch her all the time……………….tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time

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How do you know when you girlfriend is to young ? you have to make airoplane noises to get her to open her mouth… sorry

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Jokes about menstruation are not funny. Period.

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Woman one: I got so mad at my GPS today that I told it to go to hell! Woman two: Did that work? Woman one: Well, it took me to my in-laws’ house.

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how did Stephan hawking please his woman he uses a hard drive.

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Me: Are you okay? Dentist: I’m just a bit surprised. When I said to you “spit it out” I wasn’t expecting you to say you’ve been shagging my wife.

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My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. – I’m doing well, but I do get cannelloni.

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I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset

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Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff? Tequila

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If a man drove over a woman, whose fault was it? The man, because he shouldn’t be driving in the kitchen.

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My girlfriend told me the dishwasher was leaking so I brought home some tampons

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Y is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman stomach but never the man’s balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations

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An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas. “I don’t understand it, Doc”, she said, “I have this terrible, terrible gas”. “Thankfully”, she added, “they are at least silent when I fart”. Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him. The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. “I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!”, she yelled. The doctor said, “well, now that we’ve solved your hearing problem, let’s see what we can do about that gas”.

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