Why can’t Helen Keller drive? Because she’s a woman.
I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? - Because he needed some space.
Wife: "How would you describe me?" Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." Wife: "What does that mean?" Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute ©, delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H). " Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" Husband: “I’m just kidding!”
my girl is so cute when she sleeps I watch her all the time……………….tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time
Only one of Kenny’s girlfriends has ever said he’s good in bed. But she has to. She’s his mom.
A feminist walks into a bar. Her friend says “oh my god your shoulders are broad!” another woman says “are you sure it’s a woman?”
A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited. However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium. So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field. He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken. The man replies, “No.” The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?” The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.” “Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you? ” “No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”
Girlfriend: you remind me of a cellphone Ex Boyfriend: how and why? Girlfriend: Because your about to die
A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands for money. Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, “Did you see me rob this bank?” The man replied, “Yes sir, I did.” The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly. He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, “Did you see me rob this bank? ” The man replied, “No sir, I didn’t, but my wife did!”
Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff? Tequila
A : Whats the similarity between your girlfriend and the Sun? B : They’re both hot? A : They’re both massive.
Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you’re super annoying and won’t shut up.
A husband got a message from his neighbor one day. It read “Hey im sorry i had to tell you like this but i have been doing your wife for months now” The husband went to go grab his gun and shot his wife. He hid the evidence and a few hours later he got another message from his neighbor saying “Sorry meant using your wifi”
Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex. They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.
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