Woman jokes

(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes) What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick I was going to tell a dead baby joke. But I decided to abort. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead. 4.Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at. Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life. I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box. My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

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I have a girlfriend.

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why did the orphan not have a girlfriend? because he thought that she would leave him to.

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Flippity floppity women are property

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My girlfriend called me a pedophile but what does she know, She’s 7

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How do you know when you girlfriend is to young ? you have to make airoplane noises to get her to open her mouth… sorry

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Wife:Honey im pregnant Husband:Hi Pregnant im dad Wife:No you’re not

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I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

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Have u ever noticed When a woman is pregnant aII her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “weII done”

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Little Jonny just came back from quarantine with his girlfriend Sally. They both said they had to go to the bathroom. When they came back Sally was coughing up a storm. The teacher said you need to be quarantined again. No sally said I was just in the bathroom choking on something that grown-ups especially women like. Then the teacher faints.

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My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish. I started thrashing about and roared “You don’t have enough badges to control me!”

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FIRST DATE man: i work with animals every day woman: oh how sweet! what is it that you do? man: im a butcher…

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So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was “Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!”

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My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair. But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.

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Wives are like grenades… – Remove the ring and boom, house is gone!

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