Woman jokes

my boyfriend accused me of cheating. i told him he reminded me of my girlfriend.

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The doctor says “your wife is PREGNENT” the man says that he used a condom and the doctor says "ya but I didn’t

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Why has Stephen hawking’s stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector

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If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

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Husband: I bet you can’t say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time Wife: You have the biggest penis out of all your friends

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Women are like dogs… “Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?” “Can I come? Can I come? Can I come? ” “I’ll wait right here… I’ll wait right here… I’ll wait right here…” SHOES

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Wife: (on phone) hi Husband: hey I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.

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My ex girlfriend got hit by a bus. I also lost my bus drivers licence.

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I told my orphan girlfriend that I had to grab milk (goes to the store grabs milk) as I grab the milk I thought hey I bet I can repeat her life twice

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rmm

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FIRST DATE man: i work with animals every day woman: oh how sweet! what is it that you do? man: im a butcher…

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My girlfriend treats me like God. – She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

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Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? - Because he needed some space.

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School Bully: How’s your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don’t have any! Me: How’s your parents? Oh wait, you don’t have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage

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My wife is like a mirror I can never look at it

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