Woman jokes

I asked a poor old woman if I could take her home. She smiled and said yes. However the expression on her face soon changed when I started walking away with her cardboard box.

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I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset

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its only ok to beat up an dwarf when they walk up to your wife and say your hair smells nice I saw my wife at the dam yesterday. Drat. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.

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Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. not everyone gets it

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A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to. He says to the first one "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny" He says to the second one "You are addicted to food, you named you daughter Candy" Then the third one whispers to her son “Come on Dick, lets go.”

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My ex-wife still misses me… BUT HER AIM IS GETTIN BETTER!

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A lot of things have changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant. My name, my address and my phone number.

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So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was “Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!”

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What do u call a woman who says she can do anything a man can do? Wrong

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My wife thinks i’m immature, so I told her to get out of my fort.

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Therapist: so what brought you here today? wife: he’s too literal Therapist: and you sir? husband: my truck

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so a man was on a ledge ready to kill himself because he got laid off at work and his girlfriend cheated on him he was about to jump until he saw from a mountain side a little guy with no arms dancing around so he thought maybe my life aint so bad so he went to the mountain side thank you he said i was gonna jump off a bridge and kill myself until i saw you dancing even though youu have no arms dancing? the armless man said bitterly my asshole itches and i cant scratch it

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A : Whats the similarity between your girlfriend and the Sun? B : They’re both hot? A : They’re both massive.

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What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Stop and apply lubrication.

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Wife: (on phone) hi Husband: hey I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.

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