My wife told me I was immature. I just told her to get out of my pillow fort.
Girlfriend: am I pretty or ugly? Boyfriend: your both! Girlfriend: what do you mean by that? Boyfriend: your pretty ugly!!!
My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
My girlfriends last words I can’t wait to become a mom
Once an orphan got a girlfriend. He regreted it. She left him too.
I showed my girlfriend my shotgun yesterday. It really blew her away.
The other day my friend messaged by saying “bro I have two pieces of bad news for you.” I told him to combine them. He replied with “your girlfriend is cheating on both of us.”
I was watching my daughter play at the park, a woman came up to me and asked which one was mine, I said I was still choosing.
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a seven year old.
Hey what is the difference between a painting and a wife? Only the wife was hung up
In my mothers generation, they grew up with wonder woman. In ours, we have to wonder if she’s a woman.
What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most? The “cold and passed out” kind.
An American woman married a British man. On their honeymoon, the British husband said, ?You look like a million pounds!? The wife divorced him.
Me at the Oscars when i see Jada Pinkett Smith, me, I said: “G.I. Jane 2, more like G.I Jada 2, can’t wait to see it” So will smith is laughing and then suddenly, Suddenly Will Smith walks up to me and punches me in the face Me: "Ow, oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.” My nigcka Smith goes: “KEEP MY WIFE’S NAME OUT OF YOUR f@ckING MOUTH! ” Me: “Maybe you should focus on keeping her friends out of hers”
FIRST DATE man: i work with animals every day woman: oh how sweet! what is it that you do? man: im a butcher…
RUS | ENG
