Billy: spits out food Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths. Dad: looks at mom Mom: Shut up If you get you get it
My wife wanted a present that could go from Zero to 80 very quickly. So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.
How do you know when you girlfriend is to young ? you have to make airoplane noises to get her to open her mouth… sorry
I have a girlfriend.
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
What is similar about a dog and a woman? You can ask them to come
“What does the word ‘gay’ mean?” asked a son his father. “It means ‘happy’,” replied the father. “Oh,” contested the son, “so you are gay then?” “No, son, I have a wife.”
A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another guy “What’s going on here!?” He exclaims. The wife replies “See, I told you he was stupid.”
what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back
Girlfriends are just like Ak47s they always go off on you.
Woman one: I got so mad at my GPS today that I told it to go to hell! Woman two: Did that work? Woman one: Well, it took me to my in-laws’ house.
Little Johnny walked on into to his house.He heard a banging sound from up above and decied to investigate.He opened the door to his parents room and saw his naked mom and the woman next door. He thought they were wrestling and decided to join in.
In my mothers generation, they grew up with wonder woman. In ours, we have to wonder if she’s a woman.
My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me. The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment. With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.
how did Stephan hawking please his woman he uses a hard drive.
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