one day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy then they heard a sound from the bushes, instead of looking down they both ran. two years later they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial they asked him if he has ever been caught he said “No but a couple was walking as soon as i killed a girl i jumped into a bush they didnt know i was there but the man stepped on the dead body but didn’t look down then he and his girlfriend ran.”
A feminist walks into a bar. Her friend says “oh my god your shoulders are broad!” another woman says “are you sure it’s a woman?”
At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become. On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again. “Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.
The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is stupid because we’ve all kicked a pregnant woman before we where even born. the doctor says to the woman there was good and bad news. the woman says she wants the bad news first the doctor says the bad news is the baby had red hair. then he said the good news is it is dead.
A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “Ha! Thats not going to help! ” She said. “Sure it does.” he said. “Its the only way i can see the numbers.”
I said to my pregnant wife push darling , come on push harder dear , no she wasn’t giving birth the bloody car would not start .
why did the orphan not have a girlfriend? because he thought that she would leave him to.
Do you know what’s the difference between a knife and a girl’s argument A knife has a point
what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back
you can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. For example, if she’s holding a gun, she’s probably angry.
What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.
Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window… If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let her in.
Little Johnny walked on into to his house.He heard a banging sound from up above and decied to investigate.He opened the door to his parents room and saw his naked mom and the woman next door. He thought they were wrestling and decided to join in.
A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another guy “What’s going on here!?” He exclaims. The wife replies “See, I told you he was stupid.”
The other day my friend messaged by saying “bro I have two pieces of bad news for you.” I told him to combine them. He replied with “your girlfriend is cheating on both of us.”
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