A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. “Long day?” the bartender asks. “Well… My oldest son just came out…” The man finishes the shots and leaves the bar. The next day, the man comes back and orders four shots. “What now?” the bartender asks. “My middle son just came out.” The man finishes his drinks and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders five shots. “Again?” the bartender asks. “Yeah. My youngest son.” He drinks his shots and leaves. The next day, he comes in again. This time, he orders ten shots. “My God! Is there anyone in your family that likes girls? ?” the bartender asks. “Yeah… My wife.”
A wife and husband had been on a strict diet and the wife said yaknow weve been good about our diet lets have a cheat night tonight. The wife came home with kfc and wendys. the husband came home with sylvia from the office.
3 men walk into heaven at the same time. they all live in the same city. god asks the first man “how did you die?” the man says “I have a heart condition and iv’e been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. anyway I get how from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hang of the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guys fingers! he falls into a bush so I throw a refrigerator on him.” God asks the next man “how did you die?” the man says I was cleaning the windows and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! luckily I fall safely in a bush! but then a refrigerator falls on me! " god asks the third man he says" I was the one in the fridge!"
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a seven year old.
nearly 40% of the world have been in a relationship; the 60% are worstjokesever.com users
i thought my wife was joking when she said she was gunna leave me because i wouldn’t stop singing “im a believer” but then i saw her face
Me and my wife were out at dinner me being 48 and her being 19, people where screaming at us and calling me a creep. It realy ruined our 10th anniversary
My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again
After my wife died, I couldn’t even look at another woman for 10 years. But now that I’m out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!
Jon said:What do you call a pregnant woman? Mike said: I don’t know what? Jon said: kinder surprise
Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex. They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.
In my mothers generation, they grew up with wonder woman. In ours, we have to wonder if she’s a woman.
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas. “I don’t understand it, Doc”, she said, “I have this terrible, terrible gas”. “Thankfully”, she added, “they are at least silent when I fart”. Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him. The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. “I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!”, she yelled. The doctor said, “well, now that we’ve solved your hearing problem, let’s see what we can do about that gas”.
My wife thinks i’m immature, so I told her to get out of my fort.
I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It’s very rewarding, but quite challenging. – Took me ages to get her husband’s voice right.
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