Woman jokes

Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. Paddy agrees to tell Seamuswife the bad news. He knocks on the door and Seamus wife answers. " Whats happened Paddy?" Paddy frowns. " Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly? " Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee."

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If a man drove over a woman, whose fault was it? The man, because he shouldn’t be driving in the kitchen.

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My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.

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My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won’t stop complaining about their mom whats the difference between a lightbulb and a preganant woman you can unscrew the lightbulb

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What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend? He wipes his butt.

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Flippity floppity women are property

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My girlfriends last words I can’t wait to become a mom

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An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

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“What does the word ‘gay’ mean?” asked a son his father. “It means ‘happy’,” replied the father. “Oh,” contested the son, “so you are gay then?” “No, son, I have a wife.”

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so i was sitting on the couch with a woman,and i asked her,does this napkin smell like chloroform?

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I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.

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Jon said:What do you call a pregnant woman? Mike said: I don’t know what? Jon said: kinder surprise

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Little Jonny just came back from quarantine with his girlfriend Sally. They both said they had to go to the bathroom. When they came back Sally was coughing up a storm. The teacher said you need to be quarantined again. No sally said I was just in the bathroom choking on something that grown-ups especially women like. Then the teacher faints.

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Wife: (on phone) hi Husband: hey I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.

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Why couldn’t the lizard get a girlfriend? Because he had a reptile dysfunction!

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