Why has Stephen hawking’s stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector
What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.
I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.
I comforted my friend about his wife’s death: until I found out who did it.
Little Jonny just came back from quarantine with his girlfriend Sally. They both said they had to go to the bathroom. When they came back Sally was coughing up a storm. The teacher said you need to be quarantined again. No sally said I was just in the bathroom choking on something that grown-ups especially women like. Then the teacher faints.
What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend? He wipes his butt.
My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
A man ordered a washing machine because his old one stopped working. As soon as the man opened his new washing machine, he immediately rejoiced because there was a woman inside. Without hesitation the man yelled. FREE DISHWASHER!
Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?” Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”
Wife: (on phone) hi Husband: hey I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.
Why are we depressed, is it because that bully in your school, or that you have acne, how about when you listen to you sad song playlist, maybe cause you have no friends, Or is it the fact your anime girlfriend is fake. T^T
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb You can unscrew a light bulg
An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee, A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after awhile and says, “Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in”.
An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet-Polish friendship, to be called “Lenin in Poland.” When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests. The painting depicts Lenin’s wife naked in bed with Leon Trotsky. “But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin? ” Asks one of the guests. “Lenin is in Poland,” replies the painter.
Jon said:What do you call a pregnant woman? Mike said: I don’t know what? Jon said: kinder surprise
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