Me and my wife were out at dinner me being 48 and her being 19, people where screaming at us and calling me a creep. It realy ruined our 10th anniversary
A : Whats the similarity between your girlfriend and the Sun? B : They’re both hot? A : They’re both massive.
My girlfriend is a porn star. – She will kill me if she finds out.
Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times and she won’t believe you. Tell a woman she’s fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
Me: Are you okay? Dentist: I’m just a bit surprised. When I said to you “spit it out” I wasn’t expecting you to say you’ve been shagging my wife.
How do you know when you girlfriend is to young ? you have to make airoplane noises to get her to open her mouth… sorry
20 years of sex in the dark the wife find out he was using a dildo the wife get angry and says ?explain the dildo prick? the husband says ?explain the children bitch
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months she woke. She asked the doctor “hows the baby?” “You had twins” the doctor replied. “Your brother named them” the woman said *oh no not my brother what did he call them?" “He called the girl Denise” “what about the boy” the woman asked the doctor said “denephew”
so i was sitting on the couch with a woman,and i asked her,does this napkin smell like chloroform?
Window Problems A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won’t open." Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer. " Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now.”
My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.
You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. – If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.
A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labour, the doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father, they agree so the machine is used, 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not felling anything, 100%, nothing. The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.
Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number
how did Stephan hawking please his woman he uses a hard drive.
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