Woman jokes

My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.

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Hey what is the difference between a painting and a wife? Only the wife was hung up

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A woman went out on a date and said “I’m thirty one with the body of a sixteen year old” the man responded “wanna show me???” the woman took him back to her house and opened her freezer and said, “take a look”

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Husband: Hay honey words can’t describe how beautiful you are. Wife: aww thanks Husband:But numbers can 0 out of 10

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A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.

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A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited. However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium. So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field. He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken. The man replies, “No.” The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?” The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.” “Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you? ” “No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”

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My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers. To be honest, I should have seen the signs.

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“I’m not sure why my girlfriend’s father doesn’t like me.” “What was your first impression on him?” “I told him, she calls me daddy too.”

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i cought my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.

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What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets? Women.

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i like my woman like i like my coffee in a big sack on top of donkey

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Woman: Doctor, where are we going? Doctor: To the morgue. Woman: I’m not dead yet, doctor. Doctor: We’re not at morgue yet, either

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So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was “Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!”

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A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone. It’s either really terrible news or really great news.

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Why couldn’t the lizard get a girlfriend? Because he had a reptile dysfunction!

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