What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend? He wipes his butt.
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
What do u call a woman who says she can do anything a man can do? Wrong
Wives are like grenades… – Remove the ring and boom, house is gone!
Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff? Tequila
Husband: Hay honey words can’t describe how beautiful you are. Wife: aww thanks Husband:But numbers can 0 out of 10
A man robs a bank and asks a woman, “did you see that?” She says “yes”, so the man shoots her. He leaves the bank and sees a couple, he asks “did you see that?” “No but my wife did!” The husband said.
Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?” Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”
I comforted my friend about his wife’s death: until I found out who did it.
you can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. For example, if she’s holding a gun, she’s probably angry.
A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.
I asked my girlfriend if he wanted to join my family tree… She dropped the rope and ran
Once there were twins, Mark and Michael, Mark was the owner of a old boat. It so happened that Michael’s wife died the same day that Mark’s boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael. She said, "I’m sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible. "Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, “Heck no. In fact, I’m sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shrivelled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn’t very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle! ” The old lady fainted. ????????????
At the resturant, the waitress starts flirting with me. “She must have COVID,” my wife said. “Why?” I asked. “Cuz she clearly has no taste.” She responded.
Jon said:What do you call a pregnant woman? Mike said: I don’t know what? Jon said: kinder surprise
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