My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. – But if I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
The cops are still searching for my wife’s killer. Luckily I already fled the country.
A blind man walks into a bar, and asks the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bartender replies with, “I’m blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde.” Then says “Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke? ” the blind guy responds with "No I don’t wanna tell it that many times.
so a man was on a ledge ready to kill himself because he got laid off at work and his girlfriend cheated on him he was about to jump until he saw from a mountain side a little guy with no arms dancing around so he thought maybe my life aint so bad so he went to the mountain side thank you he said i was gonna jump off a bridge and kill myself until i saw you dancing even though youu have no arms dancing? the armless man said bitterly my asshole itches and i cant scratch it
My girlfriend called me a bot in fortnite, so I called her sandwich maker 3000
My girlfriend told me the dishwasher was leaking so I brought home some tampons
why is there no woman on the moon? because it doesnt need to be cleaned
A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another guy “What’s going on here!?” He exclaims. The wife replies “See, I told you he was stupid.”
What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets? Women.
Jon said:What do you call a pregnant woman? Mike said: I don’t know what? Jon said: kinder surprise
My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.
A woman comes to the doctor and tells her ‘doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?’ The doctor says ‘my number’
If depression is going to be my girlfriend. Will she leave me?
rmm
My wife told me pass her lip stck but i gave her a glue stick now she is not talking to me
RUS | ENG
