My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.
The cops are still searching for my wife’s killer. Luckily I already fled the country.
nearly 40% of the world have been in a relationship; the 60% are worstjokesever.com users
A Man walks into a bar and Orders 3 shots of Whisky, The Bartender asks "What’s got you down" The man says “I just found out my Niece is gay.” The next day he orders 4 shots of Whisky The Bartender asks “What’s got you down now?” The man says "I just found out my son is gay." The next day he orders 6 shots of whisky The Bartender says "Got anybody who likes Women? " The man says “My wife does.”
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife died.
Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times and she won’t believe you. Tell a woman she’s fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
If depression is going to be my girlfriend. Will she leave me?
what is the diffrence between a snow woman and a snowman? Snowballs
Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?” Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”
Little Johnny walked on into to his house.He heard a banging sound from up above and decied to investigate.He opened the door to his parents room and saw his naked mom and the woman next door. He thought they were wrestling and decided to join in.
what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back
So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was “Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!”
If a man drove over a woman, whose fault was it? The man, because he shouldn’t be driving in the kitchen.
Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you’re super annoying and won’t shut up.
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