**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him … everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it’s me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing … I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market … they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open. ) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?
"I’d rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth,"the woman told her dentist. He replied, “Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair.”
Today was a terrible day. My wife got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver
A man robs a bank and asks a woman, “did you see that?” She says “yes”, so the man shoots her. He leaves the bank and sees a couple, he asks “did you see that?” “No but my wife did!” The husband said.
I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset
My girlfriend is like treasure to me You need a shovel to find her…
When your girlfriend has an abortion, it’s kinda like dodging your own bullets.
Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. Paddy agrees to tell Seamuswife the bad news. He knocks on the door and Seamus wife answers. " Whats happened Paddy?" Paddy frowns. " Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly? " Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb You can unscrew a light bulg
Therapist: so what brought you here today? wife: he’s too literal Therapist: and you sir? husband: my truck
What’s the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side
Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex. They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.
Only one of Kenny’s girlfriends has ever said he’s good in bed. But she has to. She’s his mom.
The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is stupid because we’ve all kicked a pregnant woman before we where even born. the doctor says to the woman there was good and bad news. the woman says she wants the bad news first the doctor says the bad news is the baby had red hair. then he said the good news is it is dead.
Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window… If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let her in.
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