My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
My wife told me pass her lip stck but i gave her a glue stick now she is not talking to me
Hey what is the difference between a painting and a wife? Only the wife was hung up
Girlfriends are just like Ak47s they always go off on you.
Me at the Oscars when i see Jada Pinkett Smith, me, I said: “G.I. Jane 2, more like G.I Jada 2, can’t wait to see it” So will smith is laughing and then suddenly, Suddenly Will Smith walks up to me and punches me in the face Me: "Ow, oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.” My nigcka Smith goes: “KEEP MY WIFE’S NAME OUT OF YOUR f@ckING MOUTH! ” Me: “Maybe you should focus on keeping her friends out of hers”
In my mothers generation, they grew up with wonder woman. In ours, we have to wonder if she’s a woman.
A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says “God bless Mummy and God Bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad.” The father says, “Good bye Grandad? Why is that?” The daughter says, “Just because I felt like it.” The next day, Grandad drops dead. The father can’t believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter’s prayers again. She says, “God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma.” The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, “Just because I felt like it.” The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn’t know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, “God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy.” The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn’t go home and stays there until midnight. He’s very surprised. ‘I’ve cheated death!’ he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, “Where have you been?!” and the husband says, “Oh don’t ask me any questions, today’s been miserable.” The wife replies, “Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch…”
how do you know when your wife is cheating on you? she comes home with sparkles on her face
Do you know what’s the difference between a knife and a girl’s argument A knife has a point
i cought my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.
After my wife died, I couldn’t even look at another woman for 10 years. But now that I’m out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!
A wife and husband was setting up their computer and the husband makes the password my dick, but the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.
An American woman married a British man. On their honeymoon, the British husband said, ?You look like a million pounds!? The wife divorced him.
An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet-Polish friendship, to be called “Lenin in Poland.” When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests. The painting depicts Lenin’s wife naked in bed with Leon Trotsky. “But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin? ” Asks one of the guests. “Lenin is in Poland,” replies the painter.
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, “No, wait! I can change.”
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