My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.
Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb You can unscrew a light bulg
My ex girlfriend got hit by a bus. I also lost my bus drivers licence.
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.
A blind man walks into a bar, and asks the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bartender replies with, “I’m blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde.” Then says “Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke? ” the blind guy responds with "No I don’t wanna tell it that many times.
Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times and she won’t believe you. Tell a woman she’s fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry. Onions was a good dog.
When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room. My father is like Houdini, when he heard his girlfriend was pregnant he disappeared.
There was a cannibal who had a wife and (eight) kids.
A wife and husband had been on a strict diet and the wife said yaknow weve been good about our diet lets have a cheat night tonight. The wife came home with kfc and wendys. the husband came home with sylvia from the office.
My girlfriend called me a bot in fortnite, so I called her sandwich maker 3000
When your girlfriend has an abortion, it’s kinda like dodging your own bullets.
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10. Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9! That’s the best I’ve done so far.
I keep looking for my girlfriends killer but no one wants to do it.
RUS | ENG
