little johnny was siting in class one day and the teacher was talking about life and ask him " little johnny how do you want your wife to be like" and he answered " like the moon" and the teacher said " that’s such a beautiful answer because it calm and peaceful " and little htm title=' appears at night and disappears in the morning'>johnny said " no because it appears at night and disappears in the morning"
Your at your girlfriends house for a family dinner. Your GF says, " Daddy please pass me the salt." when you and her father begin to reach for the salt.
I keep looking for my girlfriends killer but no one wants to do it.
I said to my pregnant wife push darling , come on push harder dear , no she wasn’t giving birth the bloody car would not start .
I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “what do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed. Most women can’t pull off sarcasm
What’s the difference between a nun and a woman in a bath tub? One’s got hope in her soul, the others got soap in her hole.
how do you know when your wife is cheating on you? she comes home with sparkles on her face
FIRST DATE man: i work with animals every day woman: oh how sweet! what is it that you do? man: im a butcher…
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months she woke. She asked the doctor “hows the baby?” “You had twins” the doctor replied. “Your brother named them” the woman said *oh no not my brother what did he call them?" “He called the girl Denise” “what about the boy” the woman asked the doctor said “denephew”
What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.
Me at the Oscars when i see Jada Pinkett Smith, me, I said: “G.I. Jane 2, more like G.I Jada 2, can’t wait to see it” So will smith is laughing and then suddenly, Suddenly Will Smith walks up to me and punches me in the face Me: "Ow, oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.” My nigcka Smith goes: “KEEP MY WIFE’S NAME OUT OF YOUR f@ckING MOUTH! ” Me: “Maybe you should focus on keeping her friends out of hers”
My girlfriend is a porn star. – She will kill me if she finds out.
A woman comes to the doctor and tells her ‘doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?’ The doctor says ‘my number’
“I’m not sure why my girlfriend’s father doesn’t like me.” “What was your first impression on him?” “I told him, she calls me daddy too.”
My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day: Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you’re told. What’s the difference between your girlfriend and sister ? Nothing if your from Alabama
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