what is the diffrence between a snow woman and a snowman? Snowballs
What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most? The “cold and passed out” kind.
What’s the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle? my girlfriend didn’t go to jail for loving me. I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.
I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “what do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed. Most women can’t pull off sarcasm
How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset
So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was “Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!”
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? - Because he needed some space.
A woman gets rid of polish with chemicals and no one bats an eye The Germans got rid of polish with chemicals and everyone lost their mind
My girlfriend treats me like God. – She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.
My ex-wife still misses me… BUT HER AIM IS GETTIN BETTER!
My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won’t stop complaining about their mom whats the difference between a lightbulb and a preganant woman you can unscrew the lightbulb
Wife: "How would you describe me?" Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." Wife: "What does that mean?" Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute ©, delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H). " Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" Husband: “I’m just kidding!”
When your girlfriend has an abortion, it’s kinda like dodging your own bullets.
One day I told my wife that she drew her I brows too high, She looked surprised.
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