A elderly woman and an elderly man were at a retirement home The man was shuffling a deck of cards for a card game The man asks "Is it your first time? " The woman replies “It’s been a while since a man has asked me that.”
little johnny was siting in class one day and the teacher was talking about life and ask him " little johnny how do you want your wife to be like" and he answered " like the moon" and the teacher said " that’s such a beautiful answer because it calm and peaceful " and little htm title=' appears at night and disappears in the morning'>johnny said " no because it appears at night and disappears in the morning"
I was watching my daughter play at the park, a woman came up to me and asked which one was mine, I said I was still choosing.
I told my orphan girlfriend that I had to grab milk (goes to the store grabs milk) as I grab the milk I thought hey I bet I can repeat her life twice
I showed my girlfriend my shotgun yesterday. It really blew her away.
School Bully: How’s your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don’t have any! Me: How’s your parents? Oh wait, you don’t have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. – I’m doing well, but I do get cannelloni.
My girlfriend broke up with me. She said I was a pedophile. I told her, “PEDOPHILE? Wow, that sure is a big word for an eight-year-old!”
Little Johhny is walking around and peaks in his parents room, catching them having sex so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! we’re just uh, making cake” and they send him away. So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brothers room so he walks in and catches his brother and his brothers girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! were making cake!” So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! Howd you know! ?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.
My wife told me I was immature. I just told her to get out of my pillow fort.
My girlfriend called me a pedophile but what does she know, She’s 7
Stage 4 cancer is like a woman you can’t beat it but if you do she’ll probably come back again A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she’s away. On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead. The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, “You can’t tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn’t get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day you could have said that she died from complications.” The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, “Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can’t get down …”
I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.
What’s the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side
Therapist: so what brought you here today? wife: he’s too literal Therapist: and you sir? husband: my truck
RUS | ENG
