I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
Tell someone to look in their shirt and spell attic hehe
A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “Ha! Thats not going to help! ” She said. “Sure it does.” he said. “Its the only way i can see the numbers.”
An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee, A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after awhile and says, “Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in”.
What do you call it if your mom is a guy and ur dad is a woman? Transparent
How do you know when you girlfriend is to young ? you have to make airoplane noises to get her to open her mouth… sorry
my wife said if I don’t get of the computer shes gonna slam my head in to the keyboard but I think I’ll ajlkfsdhnvkwr;anhf My wife left me for an Indian guy. – I know he’s going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day she said its the biggest thing i ever had in my hand i said no love your just pulling my leg
Today was a terrible day. My wife got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver
What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend? He wipes his butt.
A blind man walks into a bar, and asks the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bartender replies with, “I’m blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde.” Then says “Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke? ” the blind guy responds with "No I don’t wanna tell it that many times.
Only one of Kenny’s girlfriends has ever said he’s good in bed. But she has to. She’s his mom.
Y is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman stomach but never the man’s balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations
“I’m not sure why my girlfriend’s father doesn’t like me.” “What was your first impression on him?” “I told him, she calls me daddy too.”
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg? Eileen
RUS | ENG
