My girlfriend broke up with me. She said I was a pedophile. I told her, “PEDOPHILE? Wow, that sure is a big word for an eight-year-old!”
what is the diffrence between a snow woman and a snowman? Snowballs
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. – But if I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
Little Jonny just came back from quarantine with his girlfriend Sally. They both said they had to go to the bathroom. When they came back Sally was coughing up a storm. The teacher said you need to be quarantined again. No sally said I was just in the bathroom choking on something that grown-ups especially women like. Then the teacher faints.
Doctor: Madam, Your Husband Needs Rest And Peace So Here Are Some Sleeping Pills. Wife: Doctor, When Should I Give Them To Him? Doctor: They Are For You.!!
There are two siblings. A little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night, and take her home. So they get to the bigger brothers house, and walk in his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk bed. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, “whenever you feel good, say lettuce, and whenever you want to switch positions say tomato.” The girl constantly is saying “lettuce, tomato” and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, " can you guys stop making sandwiches, you’re getting mayonnaise all over me.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry. Onions was a good dog.
My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
A husband and a wife have four children the oldest three are tall with blonde hair, the youngest is short with brown hair. The husband was on his deathbed and said “honey, can you be completely honest with me, is our youngest son mine?” The wife says “I swear to all that is holy he is your son.” Then the husband died and the wife muttered, “thank god he didn’t ask about the other three.”
rmm
Me and my girlfriend were planning on having sex but I said me and my little brother share a bunk bed and he’s on the bottom. She said tell him we’re making sandwiches so we came up with a plan. Tomato means harder and cheese means faster. So we were having sex and she was screaming tomato tomato tomato cheese cheese cheese, then my little brother said can y’all stop making sandwiches your getting mayonnaise all over my bed.
What is similar about a dog and a woman? You can ask them to come
what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back
A elderly woman and an elderly man were at a retirement home The man was shuffling a deck of cards for a card game The man asks "Is it your first time? " The woman replies “It’s been a while since a man has asked me that.”
Me: Are you okay? Dentist: I’m just a bit surprised. When I said to you “spit it out” I wasn’t expecting you to say you’ve been shagging my wife.
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