Woman jokes

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Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?” Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”

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My girlfriend is a porn star. – She will kill me if she finds out.

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My wife thinks i’m immature, so I told her to get out of my fort.

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Wife: (on phone) hi Husband: hey I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.

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Girlfriend: you remind me of a cellphone Ex Boyfriend: how and why? Girlfriend: Because your about to die

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A man needs to leave for lengthy a business trip, but his wife is saddened by this. She explains to him that if he isn’t home every night, there will be no way to satisfy herself if she feels horny. The man claims that she doesn’t need sex, because a dildo should work just fine. He quickly runs to the local gift shop and asks the cashier if the store carries anything

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What’s the worst part of Breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice until she finally gets it. I have a problem my dad any my girlfriend have the same birthday. So one took my virginity and the other is my girlfriend

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My wife told me I was immature. I just told her to get out of my pillow fort.

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One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive! My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair Guess who came crawling back

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