Woman jokes

A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was “she was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife reply’s “perform the f@cking autopsy!”

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why did the orphan not have a girlfriend? because he thought that she would leave him to.

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Girlfriends are just like Ak47s they always go off on you.

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my girlfriend asked me if we could have anal sex and I said what’s that, she said I f@ck her ass, I said oh my uncle calls that shhhhh

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Girlfriend: am I pretty or ugly? Boyfriend: your both! Girlfriend: what do you mean by that? Boyfriend: your pretty ugly!!!

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I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.

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Why can’t Helen Keller drive? Because she’s a woman.

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When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room. My father is like Houdini, when he heard his girlfriend was pregnant he disappeared.

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My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.

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Me and my wife were out at dinner me being 48 and her being 19, people where screaming at us and calling me a creep. It realy ruined our 10th anniversary

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Jon said:What do you call a pregnant woman? Mike said: I don’t know what? Jon said: kinder surprise

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The Coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury. Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available. One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier

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A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, “WHO THE F*** F***ED MY WIFE!” A man in the back responds, “YOU AINT GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!” A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.

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My girlfriend is like treasure to me You need a shovel to find her…

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My girlfriend told me the dishwasher was leaking so I brought home some tampons

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