Woman jokes

I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard she turned Christian.

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Hey what is the difference between a painting and a wife? Only the wife was hung up

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Girlfriend: you remind me of a cellphone Ex Boyfriend: how and why? Girlfriend: Because your about to die

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Wife:Honey im pregnant Husband:Hi Pregnant im dad Wife:No you’re not

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What’s the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle? my girlfriend didn’t go to jail for loving me. I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.

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My wife is like a mirror I can never look at it

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Why do women rub their eyes in the morning? Because they don’t have balls.

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Vagina jokes aren’t funny. Moist of the time.

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rmm

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What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you? Take her wheel chair, she’ll come crawling back.

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My girlfriend is a porn star. – She will kill me if she finds out.

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My girlfriend is like treasure to me You need a shovel to find her…

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I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “what do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed. Most women can’t pull off sarcasm

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my boyfriend accused me of cheating. i told him he reminded me of my girlfriend.

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Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times and she won’t believe you. Tell a woman she’s fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

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