Woman jokes

My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a seven year old.

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Why can’t Helen Keller drive? Because she’s a woman.

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My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.

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Husband: I bet you can’t say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time Wife: You have the biggest penis out of all your friends

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20 years of sex in the dark the wife find out he was using a dildo the wife get angry and says ?explain the dildo prick? the husband says ?explain the children bitch

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Flippity floppity women are property

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My girlfriend treats me like God. – She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

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A woman comes to the doctors an says ‘doctor, I think I have cancer’ the doctor checks it out ‘it’s all in your head’ the doctor says ‘phew’ said the woman, ‘a bunch of tumors, all in your head’

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A blind man walks into a bar, and asks the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bartender replies with, “I’m blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde.” Then says “Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke? ” the blind guy responds with "No I don’t wanna tell it that many times.

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A man boards a plane with six children of various ages. After the plane takes off, a woman sitting sitting behind the man asks him, “are all of them yours?” “No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”

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If a woman sleeps with 10 men she’s a slut, but if a man does it… He’s gay, definitely gay.

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I haven’t talked to my wife in three weeks. – I didn’t want to interrupt her. A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3… The boy said, “Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she’s in Grade 4”. The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal.The principal decided to test the boy with some

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Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike, there may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until i find one, i’m stuck here holding my rod

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My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day: Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you’re told. What’s the difference between your girlfriend and sister ? Nothing if your from Alabama

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