I comforted my friend about his wife’s death: until I found out who did it.
What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you? Take her wheel chair, she’ll come crawling back.
I keep looking for my girlfriends killer but no one wants to do it.
Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff? Tequila
Guy starts chatting to pretty woman at a party Seeing that she didn’t back off he asked her name. “Carmen,” she replied. That’s a nice name," he said warming up the conversation, “Who named you, your mother?” "No, I named myself, she answered. “Oh, that’s interesting. Why Carmen?” “Because I like cars, and I like men,” she said looking directly into his eyes. “So what’s your name?” she asked. ‘BJ Titsngolf’
I showed my girlfriend my shotgun yesterday. It really blew her away.
so a man was on a ledge ready to kill himself because he got laid off at work and his girlfriend cheated on him he was about to jump until he saw from a mountain side a little guy with no arms dancing around so he thought maybe my life aint so bad so he went to the mountain side thank you he said i was gonna jump off a bridge and kill myself until i saw you dancing even though youu have no arms dancing? the armless man said bitterly my asshole itches and i cant scratch it
My wife thinks i’m immature, so I told her to get out of my fort.
What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Stop and apply lubrication.
Woman: Doctor, where are we going? Doctor: To the morgue. Woman: I’m not dead yet, doctor. Doctor: We’re not at morgue yet, either
There was a cannibal who had a wife and (eight) kids.
Some trans “woman” came up to me and told me to act my age so I told him to act his gender How can you tell if your wife is dead? – The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.
Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?” Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”
Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you’re super annoying and won’t shut up.
Doctor: Madam, Your Husband Needs Rest And Peace So Here Are Some Sleeping Pills. Wife: Doctor, When Should I Give Them To Him? Doctor: They Are For You.!!
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