Why has Stephen hawking’s stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector
wha can you tella dog, but not your girlfriend…? come
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day she said its the biggest thing i ever had in my hand i said no love your just pulling my leg
Flippity floppity women are property
What do u call a woman who says she can do anything a man can do? Wrong
my boyfriend accused me of cheating. i told him he reminded me of my girlfriend.
Roast: What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus? One is hairy and smells like fish and the other is a walrus. Your welcome
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10. Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9! That’s the best I’ve done so far.
you can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. For example, if she’s holding a gun, she’s probably angry.
When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room. My father is like Houdini, when he heard his girlfriend was pregnant he disappeared.
its only ok to beat up an dwarf when they walk up to your wife and say your hair smells nice I saw my wife at the dam yesterday. Drat. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.
Girlfriend: am I pretty or ugly? Boyfriend: your both! Girlfriend: what do you mean by that? Boyfriend: your pretty ugly!!!
My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are… But I laugh more. How can you tell if you have a high sperm count? When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.
3 construction workers where sitting on the bridge that they where building having their lunch break. The first guy says “If I get a vegimite sandwich again I am going to jump off this bridge.” The second guys says “If get a peanut butter sandwich again I am going to jump off this bridge”. The third guy says if I get another strawberry jam sandwich then I am going to jump off this bridge.” The next day the first guy gets a vegimite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All 3 guys jump of the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals the first wife says “If he just told me I would have given him a different sandwich.” The second guys wife says “It is all my fault. If only I knew.” The third wife says “I don’t get it, he makes his own lunch.”
The doctor says “your wife is PREGNENT” the man says that he used a condom and the doctor says "ya but I didn’t
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