you can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. For example, if she’s holding a gun, she’s probably angry.
How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
A blind man walks into a bar, and asks the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bartender replies with, “I’m blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde.” Then says “Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke? ” the blind guy responds with "No I don’t wanna tell it that many times.
My girlfriend is 19 and I’m 29. We go out to eat in a restaurant but the whole time I have to deal with being accused of being a pedo, being called disgusting and disturbed. It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary
A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was “she was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife reply’s “perform the f@cking autopsy!”
A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to. He says to the first one "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny" He says to the second one "You are addicted to food, you named you daughter Candy" Then the third one whispers to her son “Come on Dick, lets go.”
At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become. On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again. “Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.
I know a woman who owns a taser. – She’s stunning!
A woman comes to the doctor and tells her ‘doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?’ The doctor says ‘my number’
My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again
one day a priest loses his cock (chicken) he goes to the church and says “who has seen a cock” all the woman raised their hands “no who has seen a cock that is not theirs” half the woman’s htm title=' my cock” all the nuns hands went up'>hands went up “NO NO NO who has seen my cock” all the nuns hands went up
Little Johnny walked on into to his house.He heard a banging sound from up above and decied to investigate.He opened the door to his parents room and saw his naked mom and the woman next door. He thought they were wrestling and decided to join in.
So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was “Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!”
so i was sitting on the couch with a woman,and i asked her,does this napkin smell like chloroform?
Wife: (on phone) hi Husband: hey I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.
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