I have a girlfriend.
A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.
A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labour, the doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father, they agree so the machine is used, 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not felling anything, 100%, nothing. The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.
Flippity floppity women are property
one day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy then they heard a sound from the bushes, instead of looking down they both ran. two years later they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial they asked him if he has ever been caught he said “No but a couple was walking as soon as i killed a girl i jumped into a bush they didnt know i was there but the man stepped on the dead body but didn’t look down then he and his girlfriend ran.”
What’s the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!” She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?” To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
What’s the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? - Because he needed some space.
What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend? He wipes his butt.
I said to my pregnant wife push darling , come on push harder dear , no she wasn’t giving birth the bloody car would not start .
Why are we depressed, is it because that bully in your school, or that you have acne, how about when you listen to you sad song playlist, maybe cause you have no friends, Or is it the fact your anime girlfriend is fake. T^T
Wife: "How would you describe me?" Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." Wife: "What does that mean?" Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute ©, delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H). " Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" Husband: “I’m just kidding!”
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb You can’t unscrew a pregnant woman What’s a similarity between a broken lightbulb, and a pregnant woman They’re both accidents
I was watching my daughter play at the park, a woman came up to me and asked which one was mine, I said I was still choosing.
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