My wife told me pass her lip stck but i gave her a glue stick now she is not talking to me
Man: "Is your body from Mcdonalds?" Woman: "Why, because your loving it?" Man: “No, because its fat and greasy.” :D
The doctor says “your wife is PREGNENT” the man says that he used a condom and the doctor says "ya but I didn’t
“I’m not sure why my girlfriend’s father doesn’t like me.” “What was your first impression on him?” “I told him, she calls me daddy too.”
I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.
A programmer and his wife. She says, “We’re out of bread. Please go the grocery store and buy one. And if they’ve got eggs, get six.” After a while, he’s back with six loaves of bread. The wife asks, “Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?” He replies, “They had eggs.”
(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes) What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick I was going to tell a dead baby joke. But I decided to abort. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead. 4.Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at. Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life. I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box. My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
What’s the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side
Some trans “woman” came up to me and told me to act my age so I told him to act his gender How can you tell if your wife is dead? – The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a seven year old.
how do you know when your wife is cheating on you? she comes home with sparkles on her face
Why couldn’t the lizard get a girlfriend? Because he had a reptile dysfunction!
One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!
I asked a poor old woman if I could take her home. She smiled and said yes. However the expression on her face soon changed when I started walking away with her cardboard box.
A husband got a message from his neighbor one day. It read “Hey im sorry i had to tell you like this but i have been doing your wife for months now” The husband went to go grab his gun and shot his wife. He hid the evidence and a few hours later he got another message from his neighbor saying “Sorry meant using your wifi”
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