Woman jokes

When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.

My father is like Houdini, when he heard his girlfriend was pregnant he disappeared.

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A programmer and his wife.

She says, “We’re out of bread. Please go the grocery store and buy one. And if they’ve got eggs, get six.”

After a while, he’s back with six loaves of bread.

The wife asks, “Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?”

He replies, “They had eggs.”

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What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.

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Only one of Kenny’s girlfriends has ever said he’s good in bed. But she has to. She’s his mom.

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Therapist: so what brought you here today? wife: he’s too literal Therapist: and you sir? husband: my truck

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A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “Ha! Thats not going to help! ” She said. “Sure it does.” he said. “Its the only way i can see the numbers.”

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Wife: (on phone) hi Husband: hey I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.

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I was watching my daughter play at the park, a woman came up to me and asked which one was mine, I said I was still choosing.

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Hitler visits a lunatic asylum. The patients give the Hitler salute. As he passes down the line he comes across a woman who Isn?’t saluting.?Why are you not saluting like the others? ? Hitler barks.?"Mein Fuhrer, I?m the nurse," she responds "I?m not crazy!?

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My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won’t stop complaining about their mom

Whats the difference between a lightbulb and a preganant woman you can unscrew the lightbulb

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A wife and husband was setting up their computer and the husband makes the password my dick, but the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.

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What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?

He wipes his butt.

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What’s the difference between a nun and a woman in a bath tub? One’s got hope in her soul, the others got soap in her hole.

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Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. not everyone gets it

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My girlfriend called me a pedophile but what does she know, She’s 7

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