Girlfriends are just like Ak47s they always go off on you.
When I was a kid I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.
why is there no woman on the moon? because it doesnt need to be cleaned
wha can you tella dog, but not your girlfriend…? come
how do you know when your wife is cheating on you? she comes home with sparkles on her face
One day I told my wife that she drew her I brows too high, She looked surprised.
A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to. He says to the first one "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny" He says to the second one "You are addicted to food, you named you daughter Candy" Then the third one whispers to her son “Come on Dick, lets go.”
Boy: my girlfriend didn’t dump me, I dumped her… Off the nearby cliff
My girlfriend is 19 and I’m 29. We go out to eat in a restaurant but the whole time I have to deal with being accused of being a pedo, being called disgusting and disturbed. It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary
A wife and husband was setting up their computer and the husband makes the password my dick, but the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.
what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back
Today was a terrible day. My wife got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver
I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: “Shut up … you’re next!”
Why do women rub their eyes in the morning? Because they don’t have balls.
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