An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
My ex-wife still misses me… BUT HER AIM IS GETTIN BETTER!
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a seven year old.
When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room. My father is like Houdini, when he heard his girlfriend was pregnant he disappeared.
What’s the difference between a nun and a woman in a bath tub? One’s got hope in her soul, the others got soap in her hole.
The doctor says “your wife is PREGNENT” the man says that he used a condom and the doctor says "ya but I didn’t
A feminist walks into a bar. Her friend says “oh my god your shoulders are broad!” another woman says “are you sure it’s a woman?”
Women are like dogs… “Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?” “Can I come? Can I come? Can I come? ” “I’ll wait right here… I’ll wait right here… I’ll wait right here…” SHOES
Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff? Tequila
Billy: spits out food Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths. Dad: looks at mom Mom: Shut up If you get you get it
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
My girlfriend is 19 and I’m 29. We go out to eat in a restaurant but the whole time I have to deal with being accused of being a pedo, being called disgusting and disturbed. It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary
Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”. The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes. The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse". The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”
How do you know when you girlfriend is to young ? you have to make airoplane noises to get her to open her mouth… sorry
Me: Are you okay? Dentist: I’m just a bit surprised. When I said to you “spit it out” I wasn’t expecting you to say you’ve been shagging my wife.
RUS | ENG
