A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game. They had great seats right behind their teams bench. After the game the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience. “Oh, I really liked it!” she replied, “Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.” Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, “What do you mean?” She said, “Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!’ I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!”
One day I got home and told my girlfriend “I cheated on you.” she replied with “F**k you” I then said “But you won’t, that’s why I cheated on you.”
At the resturant, the waitress starts flirting with me. “She must have COVID,” my wife said. “Why?” I asked. “Cuz she clearly has no taste.” She responded.
How do you know when you girlfriend is to young ? you have to make airoplane noises to get her to open her mouth… sorry
What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend? He wipes his butt.
Two men were talking about their wives The first man says “My wife is an angel.” The second man says “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”
my girlfriend dumped me today apparently I don’t stand up for her in fights I don’t care she use to push me around all the time
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
A : Whats the similarity between your girlfriend and the Sun? B : They’re both hot? A : They’re both massive.
Women are like dogs… “Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?” “Can I come? Can I come? Can I come? ” “I’ll wait right here… I’ll wait right here… I’ll wait right here…” SHOES
Wife:Honey im pregnant Husband:Hi Pregnant im dad Wife:No you’re not
why is there no woman on the moon? because it doesnt need to be cleaned
What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.
I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
A husband and a wife have four children the oldest three are tall with blonde hair, the youngest is short with brown hair. The husband was on his deathbed and said “honey, can you be completely honest with me, is our youngest son mine?” The wife says “I swear to all that is holy he is your son.” Then the husband died and the wife muttered, “thank god he didn’t ask about the other three.”
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