There was a cannibal who had a wife and (eight) kids.
A man ordered a washing machine because his old one stopped working. As soon as the man opened his new washing machine, he immediately rejoiced because there was a woman inside. Without hesitation the man yelled. FREE DISHWASHER!
My girlfriend is a porn star. – She will kill me if she finds out.
I comforted my friend about his wife’s death: until I found out who did it.
Roast: What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus? One is hairy and smells like fish and the other is a walrus. Your welcome
I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side so i crashed the car.
A woman comes to the doctor and tells her ‘doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?’ The doctor says ‘my number’
How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become. On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again. “Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.
I showed my girlfriend my shotgun yesterday. It really blew her away.
Once an orphan got a girlfriend. He regreted it. She left him too.
Little Johnny walked on into to his house.He heard a banging sound from up above and decied to investigate.He opened the door to his parents room and saw his naked mom and the woman next door. He thought they were wrestling and decided to join in.
Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?” Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”
i thought my wife was joking when she said she was gunna leave me because i wouldn’t stop singing “im a believer” but then i saw her face
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