Woman jokes

A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him: Wife: why is your face all bloody? Husband: I was so drunk that I couldn’t stand up so I kept falling on my face! Wife: idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!

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What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb You can unscrew a light bulg

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My girlfriend treats me like God. – She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

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Window Problems A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won’t open." Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer. " Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now.”

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so i was sitting on the couch with a woman,and i asked her,does this napkin smell like chloroform?

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One day I got home and told my girlfriend “I cheated on you.” she replied with “F**k you” I then said “But you won’t, that’s why I cheated on you.”

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I asked my girlfriend if he wanted to join my family tree… She dropped the rope and ran

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why is there no woman on the moon? because it doesnt need to be cleaned

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FIRST DATE man: i work with animals every day woman: oh how sweet! what is it that you do? man: im a butcher…

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Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff? Tequila

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i like my woman like i like my coffee in a big sack on top of donkey

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A woman comes to the doctor and tells her ‘doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?’ The doctor says ‘my number’

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Two friends who’ve been bros for forever see each other in Wal-Mart in the card section. The first guy asks what he got his wife for her birthday. The second guy tells him he got her a Maserati and a card. The first guy tells him he got his wife a card and a dildo for her birthday. The second guy asks why he got his wife a dildo for her birthday. The first guy says, “If she doesn’t like the card I got her, then she can go f@ck herself!”

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My wife told me pass her lip stck but i gave her a glue stick now she is not talking to me

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Vagina jokes aren’t funny. Moist of the time.

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