Two girls have a sleepover. Karen: Let’s go to bed. Lauren:Fine, but it’s early. *Karen wakes up and exits room" Lauren hears noise Mikey: Your so much better than my girlfriend Karen. Lauren: laughs Lauren: remembers her boyfriend is Karen’s brother Mikey
Jokes about menstruation are not funny. Period.
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. Paddy agrees to tell Seamuswife the bad news. He knocks on the door and Seamus wife answers. " Whats happened Paddy?" Paddy frowns. " Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly? " Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, “No, wait! I can change.”
Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number
so i was sitting on the couch with a woman,and i asked her,does this napkin smell like chloroform?
When I was a kid I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.
3 citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI, their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot them, he walked out in shame and said he couldn’t do it. The second guy had the same scenario, he put the gun up but couldn’t pull the trigger so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario, he walked out and told the instructor, “The gun wasn’t loaded, I had to strangle the bitch.”
I showed my girlfriend my shotgun yesterday. It really blew her away.
My wife is like a mirror I can never look at it
how do you know when your wife is cheating on you? she comes home with sparkles on her face
School Bully: How’s your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don’t have any! Me: How’s your parents? Oh wait, you don’t have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage
A lot of things have changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant. My name, my address and my phone number.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
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