Woman jokes

Me at the Oscars when i see Jada Pinkett Smith, me, I said: “G.I. Jane 2, more like G.I Jada 2, can’t wait to see it” So will smith is laughing and then suddenly, Suddenly Will Smith walks up to me and punches me in the face Me: "Ow, oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.” My nigcka Smith goes: “KEEP MY WIFE’S NAME OUT OF YOUR f@ckING MOUTH! ” Me: “Maybe you should focus on keeping her friends out of hers”

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I see some objects over there… oh never mind, that’s a woman.

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Y is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman stomach but never the man’s balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations

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When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room. My father is like Houdini, when he heard his girlfriend was pregnant he disappeared.

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FIRST DATE man: i work with animals every day woman: oh how sweet! what is it that you do? man: im a butcher…

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A man wakes up from his operation and the doctor says ‘I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?’ The man says ‘bad’ so the doctor says ‘during the surgery your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man’ the man says ‘what’s the good then? ’ And the doctor says ‘I’m picking her up at 7’

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Girlfriends are just like Ak47s they always go off on you.

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Therapist: so what brought you here today? wife: he’s too literal Therapist: and you sir? husband: my truck

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Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?” Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”

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My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.

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I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.

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so i was sitting on the couch with a woman,and i asked her,does this napkin smell like chloroform?

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I said to my pregnant wife push darling , come on push harder dear , no she wasn’t giving birth the bloody car would not start .

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An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

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A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.

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