A programmer and his wife. She says, “We’re out of bread. Please go the grocery store and buy one. And if they’ve got eggs, get six.” After a while, he’s back with six loaves of bread. The wife asks, “Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?” He replies, “They had eggs.”
School Bully: How’s your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don’t have any! Me: How’s your parents? Oh wait, you don’t have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage
FIRST DATE man: i work with animals every day woman: oh how sweet! what is it that you do? man: im a butcher…
“What does the word ‘gay’ mean?” asked a son his father. “It means ‘happy’,” replied the father. “Oh,” contested the son, “so you are gay then?” “No, son, I have a wife.”
Woman: Doctor, where are we going? Doctor: To the morgue. Woman: I’m not dead yet, doctor. Doctor: We’re not at morgue yet, either
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she’s a slut, but if a man does it… He’s gay, definitely gay.
How do you know when you girlfriend is to young ? you have to make airoplane noises to get her to open her mouth… sorry
Wife:Honey im pregnant Husband:Hi Pregnant im dad Wife:No you’re not
Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?” Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”
My girlfriend called me a bot in fortnite, so I called her sandwich maker 3000
A man robs a bank and asks a woman, “did you see that?” She says “yes”, so the man shoots her. He leaves the bank and sees a couple, he asks “did you see that?” “No but my wife did!” The husband said.
Why do orphans make the best girlfriends? Because They don’t need permission from their Parents
A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “Ha! Thats not going to help! ” She said. “Sure it does.” he said. “Its the only way i can see the numbers.”
Y is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman stomach but never the man’s balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
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