how do you know when your wife is cheating on you? she comes home with sparkles on her face
A man ordered a washing machine because his old one stopped working. As soon as the man opened his new washing machine, he immediately rejoiced because there was a woman inside. Without hesitation the man yelled. FREE DISHWASHER!
When your girlfriend has an abortion, it’s kinda like dodging your own bullets.
An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee, A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after awhile and says, “Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in”.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair. But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.
What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most? The “cold and passed out” kind.
Flippity floppity women are property
“What does the word ‘gay’ mean?” asked a son his father. “It means ‘happy’,” replied the father. “Oh,” contested the son, “so you are gay then?” “No, son, I have a wife.”
A blind man walks into a bar, and asks the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bartender replies with, “I’m blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde.” Then says “Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke? ” the blind guy responds with "No I don’t wanna tell it that many times.
The cops are still searching for my wife’s killer. Luckily I already fled the country.
My girlfriend broke up with me. She said I was a pedophile. I told her, “PEDOPHILE? Wow, that sure is a big word for an eight-year-old!”
I was watching my daughter play at the park, a woman came up to me and asked which one was mine, I said I was still choosing.
Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number
My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side so i crashed the car.
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. – I’m doing well, but I do get cannelloni.
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