Woman jokes

After my wife died, I couldn’t even look at another woman for 10 years. But now that I’m out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!

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wha can you tella dog, but not your girlfriend…? come

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Wives are like grenades… – Remove the ring and boom, house is gone!

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My girlfriend called me a bot in fortnite, so I called her sandwich maker 3000

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Some trans “woman” came up to me and told me to act my age so I told him to act his gender How can you tell if your wife is dead? – The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.

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A guy is due to meet his friends for drink at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late. The guy says, “Well, you won’t believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her.” The friends are cheering and one friend asks, “So… did you get any head?” The guy replies, “No, I couldn’t find it.”

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I was watching my daughter play at the park, a woman came up to me and asked which one was mine, I said I was still choosing.

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My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, “No, wait! I can change.”

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I took my girlfriend out the other day… Man do I love being a sniper.

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I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

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“What does the word ‘gay’ mean?” asked a son his father. “It means ‘happy’,” replied the father. “Oh,” contested the son, “so you are gay then?” “No, son, I have a wife.”

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You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. – If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.

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My girlfriend is a porn star. – She will kill me if she finds out.

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What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.

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A lot of things have changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant. My name, my address and my phone number.

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