School Bully: How’s your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don’t have any! Me: How’s your parents? Oh wait, you don’t have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage
I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
Tell someone to look in their shirt and spell attic hehe
A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labour, the doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father, they agree so the machine is used, 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not felling anything, 100%, nothing. The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.
My girlfriend told me the dishwasher was leaking so I brought home some tampons
What’s the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side
I comforted my friend about his wife’s death: until I found out who did it.
The other day my friend messaged by saying “bro I have two pieces of bad news for you.” I told him to combine them. He replied with “your girlfriend is cheating on both of us.”
my boyfriend accused me of cheating. i told him he reminded me of my girlfriend.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair. But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.
Doctor: Madam, Your Husband Needs Rest And Peace So Here Are Some Sleeping Pills. Wife: Doctor, When Should I Give Them To Him? Doctor: They Are For You.!!
Therapist: so what brought you here today? wife: he’s too literal Therapist: and you sir? husband: my truck
After my wife died, I couldn’t even look at another woman for 10 years. But now that I’m out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!
Wives are like grenades… – Remove the ring and boom, house is gone!
My wife is like a mirror I can never look at it
RUS | ENG
