Woman jokes

A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to. He says to the first one "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny" He says to the second one "You are addicted to food, you named you daughter Candy" Then the third one whispers to her son “Come on Dick, lets go.”

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What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb You can unscrew a light bulg

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My girlfriend is like treasure to me You need a shovel to find her…

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My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won’t stop complaining about their mom whats the difference between a lightbulb and a preganant woman you can unscrew the lightbulb

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My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.

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Little Jonny just came back from quarantine with his girlfriend Sally. They both said they had to go to the bathroom. When they came back Sally was coughing up a storm. The teacher said you need to be quarantined again. No sally said I was just in the bathroom choking on something that grown-ups especially women like. Then the teacher faints.

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I told my orphan girlfriend that I had to grab milk (goes to the store grabs milk) as I grab the milk I thought hey I bet I can repeat her life twice

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My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.

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Why do orphans make the best girlfriends? Because They don’t need permission from their Parents

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My ex girlfriend got hit by a bus. I also lost my bus drivers licence.

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If a woman sleeps with 10 men she’s a slut, but if a man does it… He’s gay, definitely gay.

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One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive! 

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Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window… If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let her in.

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Two men were talking about their wives The first man says “My wife is an angel.” The second man says “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”

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Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?” Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”

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