My wife told me pass her lip stck but i gave her a glue stick now she is not talking to me
A woman comes to the doctor and tells her ‘doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?’ The doctor says ‘my number’
In my mothers generation, they grew up with wonder woman. In ours, we have to wonder if she’s a woman.
A lot of things have changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant. My name, my address and my phone number.
There was a cannibal who had a wife and (eight) kids.
I comforted my friend about his wife’s death: until I found out who did it.
Wife: (on phone) hi Husband: hey I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.
rmm
My girlfriend told me the dishwasher was leaking so I brought home some tampons
A Blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde. The Blonde Cop asked to see the blonde driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. ‘What does it look like?’ she finally asked. The policewoman replied, ‘It’s square and it has you picture on it.’ The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. ‘Here it is,’ she said. The Blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, “OK, you can go. I didn’t realize you were a cop…”
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him: Wife: why is your face all bloody? Husband: I was so drunk that I couldn’t stand up so I kept falling on my face! Wife: idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!
I asked my girlfriend if he wanted to join my family tree… She dropped the rope and ran
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. – But if I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.
RUS | ENG
