I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game. They had great seats right behind their teams bench. After the game the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience. “Oh, I really liked it!” she replied, “Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.” Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, “What do you mean?” She said, “Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!’ I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!”
A guy is due to meet his friends for drink at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late. The guy says, “Well, you won’t believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her.” The friends are cheering and one friend asks, “So… did you get any head?” The guy replies, “No, I couldn’t find it.”
The cops are still searching for my wife’s killer. Luckily I already fled the country.
Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number
Therapist: so what brought you here today? wife: he’s too literal Therapist: and you sir? husband: my truck
My girlfriend got ran over by a bus I lost my job as a bus driver.
A Blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde. The Blonde Cop asked to see the blonde driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. ‘What does it look like?’ she finally asked. The policewoman replied, ‘It’s square and it has you picture on it.’ The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. ‘Here it is,’ she said. The Blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, “OK, you can go. I didn’t realize you were a cop…”
A wife and husband had been on a strict diet and the wife said yaknow weve been good about our diet lets have a cheat night tonight. The wife came home with kfc and wendys. the husband came home with sylvia from the office.
what is the diffrence between a snow woman and a snowman? Snowballs
Y is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman stomach but never the man’s balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb You can unscrew a light bulg
little johnny was siting in class one day and the teacher was talking about life and ask him " little johnny how do you want your wife to be like" and he answered " like the moon" and the teacher said " that’s such a beautiful answer because it calm and peaceful " and little htm title=' appears at night and disappears in the morning'>johnny said " no because it appears at night and disappears in the morning"
In my mothers generation, they grew up with wonder woman. In ours, we have to wonder if she’s a woman.
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
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