one time i broke up with my roblox girlfriend by sending her a message, 30 seconds later i heard my uncle crying in the next room
At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become. On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again. “Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.
How do you know when you girlfriend is to young ? you have to make airoplane noises to get her to open her mouth… sorry
Me: Are you okay? Dentist: I’m just a bit surprised. When I said to you “spit it out” I wasn’t expecting you to say you’ve been shagging my wife.
I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?” He responded with, “The cat is dead.” She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you’ve broken the new slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor things dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?” “She’s playing on the roof.”
What’s the worst part of Breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice until she finally gets it. I have a problem my dad any my girlfriend have the same birthday. So one took my virginity and the other is my girlfriend
My girlfriend broke up with me. She said I was a pedophile. I told her, “PEDOPHILE? Wow, that sure is a big word for an eight-year-old!”
my girlfriend asked me if we could have anal sex and I said what’s that, she said I f@ck her ass, I said oh my uncle calls that shhhhh
Wife: (on phone) hi Husband: hey I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.
I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “what do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed. Most women can’t pull off sarcasm
When I was a kid I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.
Your at your girlfriends house for a family dinner. Your GF says, " Daddy please pass me the salt." when you and her father begin to reach for the salt.
A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. “Long day?” the bartender asks. “Well… My oldest son just came out…” The man finishes the shots and leaves the bar. The next day, the man comes back and orders four shots. “What now?” the bartender asks. “My middle son just came out.” The man finishes his drinks and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders five shots. “Again?” the bartender asks. “Yeah. My youngest son.” He drinks his shots and leaves. The next day, he comes in again. This time, he orders ten shots. “My God! Is there anyone in your family that likes girls? ?” the bartender asks. “Yeah… My wife.”
The doctor says “your wife is PREGNENT” the man says that he used a condom and the doctor says "ya but I didn’t
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