My girlfriend is like treasure to me You need a shovel to find her…
Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”. The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes. The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse". The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”
When your girlfriend has an abortion, it’s kinda like dodging your own bullets.
A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.
Why can’t Helen Keller drive? Because she’s a woman.
A man ordered a washing machine because his old one stopped working. As soon as the man opened his new washing machine, he immediately rejoiced because there was a woman inside. Without hesitation the man yelled. FREE DISHWASHER!
Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. Paddy agrees to tell Seamuswife the bad news. He knocks on the door and Seamus wife answers. " Whats happened Paddy?" Paddy frowns. " Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly? " Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
I see some objects over there… oh never mind, that’s a woman.
What do u call a woman who says she can do anything a man can do? Wrong
What’s the difference between a nun and a woman in a bath tub? One’s got hope in her soul, the others got soap in her hole.
Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff? Tequila
There was a cannibal who had a wife and (eight) kids.
A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to. He says to the first one "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny" He says to the second one "You are addicted to food, you named you daughter Candy" Then the third one whispers to her son “Come on Dick, lets go.”
My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side so i crashed the car.
One day I told my wife that she drew her I brows too high, She looked surprised.
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