one day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy then they heard a sound from the bushes, instead of looking down they both ran. two years later they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial they asked him if he has ever been caught he said “No but a couple was walking as soon as i killed a girl i jumped into a bush they didnt know i was there but the man stepped on the dead body but didn’t look down then he and his girlfriend ran.”
My girlfriend told me the dishwasher was leaking so I brought home some tampons
A woman gets rid of polish with chemicals and no one bats an eye The Germans got rid of polish with chemicals and everyone lost their mind
Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike, there may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until i find one, i’m stuck here holding my rod
I said to my pregnant wife push darling , come on push harder dear , no she wasn’t giving birth the bloody car would not start .
Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”. The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes. The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse". The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”
When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room. My father is like Houdini, when he heard his girlfriend was pregnant he disappeared.
A woman comes to the doctor and tells her ‘doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?’ The doctor says ‘my number’
Have u ever noticed When a woman is pregnant aII her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “weII done”
I see some objects over there… oh never mind, that’s a woman.
My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me. The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment. With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb You can’t unscrew a pregnant woman What’s a similarity between a broken lightbulb, and a pregnant woman They’re both accidents
A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labour, the doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father, they agree so the machine is used, 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not felling anything, 100%, nothing. The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.
An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet-Polish friendship, to be called “Lenin in Poland.” When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests. The painting depicts Lenin’s wife naked in bed with Leon Trotsky. “But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin? ” Asks one of the guests. “Lenin is in Poland,” replies the painter.
Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff? Tequila
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