Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife died.
Women are like dogs… “Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?” “Can I come? Can I come? Can I come? ” “I’ll wait right here… I’ll wait right here… I’ll wait right here…” SHOES
SHOES
Stage 4 cancer is like a woman you can’t beat it but if you do she’ll probably come back again
A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she’s away.
On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.
The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, “You can’t tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn’t get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day you could have said that she died from complications.”
The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, “Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can’t get down …”
Today was a terrible day. My wife got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver
My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish.
I started thrashing about and roared “You don’t have enough badges to control me!”
A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labour, the doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father, they agree so the machine is used, 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not felling anything, 100%, nothing. The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.
Why can’t Helen Keller drive?
Because she’s a woman.
What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets?
Women.
Girlfriend: am I pretty or ugly?
Boyfriend: your both!
Girlfriend: what do you mean by that?
Boyfriend: your pretty ugly!!!
What do u call a woman who says she can do anything a man can do?
Wrong
A feminist walks into a bar. Her friend says “oh my god your shoulders are broad!” another woman says “are you sure it’s a woman?”
My boyfriend accused me of cheating. i told him he reminded me of my girlfriend.
How do you know when you girlfriend is to young?
You have to make airoplane noises to get her to open her mouth…
Sorry
My wife said if I don’t get of the computer shes gonna slam my head in to the keyboard but I think I’ll ajlkfsdhnvkwr;anhf
My wife left me for an Indian guy. – I know he’s going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
So i was sitting on the couch with a woman,and i asked her,does this napkin smell like chloroform?
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