I know a woman who owns a taser. – She’s stunning!
Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex. They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.
My girlfriend got ran over by a bus I lost my job as a bus driver.
What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.
My wife told me pass her lip stck but i gave her a glue stick now she is not talking to me
What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Stop and apply lubrication.
The other day my friend messaged by saying “bro I have two pieces of bad news for you.” I told him to combine them. He replied with “your girlfriend is cheating on both of us.”
Wife:Honey im pregnant Husband:Hi Pregnant im dad Wife:No you’re not
Q: What did the skeleton say when he proposed to his girlfriend? A: Will you marrow me?
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb You can’t unscrew a pregnant woman What’s a similarity between a broken lightbulb, and a pregnant woman They’re both accidents
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months she woke. She asked the doctor “hows the baby?” “You had twins” the doctor replied. “Your brother named them” the woman said *oh no not my brother what did he call them?" “He called the girl Denise” “what about the boy” the woman asked the doctor said “denephew”
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day she said its the biggest thing i ever had in my hand i said no love your just pulling my leg
What’s the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, “No, wait! I can change.”
Husband: Hay honey words can’t describe how beautiful you are. Wife: aww thanks Husband:But numbers can 0 out of 10
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