I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
Why do orphans make the best girlfriends? Because They don’t need permission from their Parents
Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex. They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.
Some trans “woman” came up to me and told me to act my age so I told him to act his gender How can you tell if your wife is dead? – The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.
My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.
Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff? Tequila
A husband got a message from his neighbor one day. It read “Hey im sorry i had to tell you like this but i have been doing your wife for months now” The husband went to go grab his gun and shot his wife. He hid the evidence and a few hours later he got another message from his neighbor saying “Sorry meant using your wifi”
nearly 40% of the world have been in a relationship; the 60% are worstjokesever.com users
Girlfriends are just like Ak47s they always go off on you.
If depression is going to be my girlfriend. Will she leave me?
Husband: I bet you can’t say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time Wife: You have the biggest penis out of all your friends
My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers. To be honest, I should have seen the signs.
wha can you tella dog, but not your girlfriend…? come
I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
3 men walk into heaven at the same time. they all live in the same city. god asks the first man “how did you die?” the man says “I have a heart condition and iv’e been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. anyway I get how from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hang of the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guys fingers! he falls into a bush so I throw a refrigerator on him.” God asks the next man “how did you die?” the man says I was cleaning the windows and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! luckily I fall safely in a bush! but then a refrigerator falls on me! " god asks the third man he says" I was the one in the fridge!"
RUS | ENG
