Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window… If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let her in.
When your girlfriend has an abortion, it’s kinda like dodging your own bullets.
My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish. I started thrashing about and roared “You don’t have enough badges to control me!”
What’s the worst part of Breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice until she finally gets it. I have a problem my dad any my girlfriend have the same birthday. So one took my virginity and the other is my girlfriend
Woman: Doctor, where are we going? Doctor: To the morgue. Woman: I’m not dead yet, doctor. Doctor: We’re not at morgue yet, either
My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair. But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.
Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you’re super annoying and won’t shut up.
Today was a terrible day. My wife got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver
My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.
Most states: “It’s ok, it won’t be awkward. We’re still friends.” Alabama: “She didn’t wanna be my girlfriend anymore. But she said she’ll still be my sister.”
What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend? He wipes his butt.
One day I got home and told my girlfriend “I cheated on you.” she replied with “F**k you” I then said “But you won’t, that’s why I cheated on you.”
my wife said if I don’t get of the computer shes gonna slam my head in to the keyboard but I think I’ll ajlkfsdhnvkwr;anhf My wife left me for an Indian guy. – I know he’s going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
so a man was on a ledge ready to kill himself because he got laid off at work and his girlfriend cheated on him he was about to jump until he saw from a mountain side a little guy with no arms dancing around so he thought maybe my life aint so bad so he went to the mountain side thank you he said i was gonna jump off a bridge and kill myself until i saw you dancing even though youu have no arms dancing? the armless man said bitterly my asshole itches and i cant scratch it
My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again
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