If a man drove over a woman, whose fault was it? The man, because he shouldn’t be driving in the kitchen.
how did Stephan hawking please his woman he uses a hard drive.
Little Johhny is walking around and peaks in his parents room, catching them having sex so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! we’re just uh, making cake” and they send him away. So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brothers room so he walks in and catches his brother and his brothers girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! were making cake!” So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! Howd you know! ?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game. They had great seats right behind their teams bench. After the game the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience. “Oh, I really liked it!” she replied, “Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.” Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, “What do you mean?” She said, “Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!’ I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!”
One day I told my wife that she drew her I brows too high, She looked surprised.
A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “Ha! Thats not going to help! ” She said. “Sure it does.” he said. “Its the only way i can see the numbers.”
What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.
Why has Stephen hawking’s stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector
Tell someone to look in their shirt and spell attic hehe
I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard she turned Christian.
A man ordered a washing machine because his old one stopped working. As soon as the man opened his new washing machine, he immediately rejoiced because there was a woman inside. Without hesitation the man yelled. FREE DISHWASHER!
My ex-wife still misses me… BUT HER AIM IS GETTIN BETTER!
Only one of Kenny’s girlfriends has ever said he’s good in bed. But she has to. She’s his mom.
i thought my wife was joking when she said she was gunna leave me because i wouldn’t stop singing “im a believer” but then i saw her face
My ex girlfriend got hit by a bus. I also lost my bus drivers licence.
RUS | ENG
