One day I got home and told my girlfriend “I cheated on you.” she replied with “F**k you” I then said “But you won’t, that’s why I cheated on you.”
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
like if you have a boyfriend girlfriend or husband or wife or a crush.
**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him … everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it’s me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing … I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market … they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open. ) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?
Girlfriend: am I pretty or ugly? Boyfriend: your both! Girlfriend: what do you mean by that? Boyfriend: your pretty ugly!!!
Wives are like grenades… – Remove the ring and boom, house is gone!
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? - Because he needed some space.
I said to my pregnant wife push darling , come on push harder dear , no she wasn’t giving birth the bloody car would not start .
I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend. She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.
Little Johnny walked on into to his house.He heard a banging sound from up above and decied to investigate.He opened the door to his parents room and saw his naked mom and the woman next door. He thought they were wrestling and decided to join in.
Girlfriend: you remind me of a cellphone Ex Boyfriend: how and why? Girlfriend: Because your about to die
A woman walks into a doctor’s office. She schedules an appointment and sits down it the waiting room. Whem it’s her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they’re unlike anything he’s heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, ‘Well I have good news and bad news.’ The woman says, ‘I’ll hear the good news first please. ’ The doctor replies ‘The good news is we’re naming a disease after you!’
my girl is so cute when she sleeps I watch her all the time……………….tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time
I told my orphan girlfriend that I had to grab milk (goes to the store grabs milk) as I grab the milk I thought hey I bet I can repeat her life twice
I comforted my friend about his wife’s death: until I found out who did it.
RUS | ENG
