Woman jokes

I comforted my friend about his wife’s death: until I found out who did it.

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Flippity floppity women are property

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A woman gets rid of polish with chemicals and no one bats an eye The Germans got rid of polish with chemicals and everyone lost their mind

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My girlfriend is a porn star. – She will kill me if she finds out.

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Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you’re super annoying and won’t shut up.

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Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times and she won’t believe you. Tell a woman she’s fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

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so i was sitting on the couch with a woman,and i asked her,does this napkin smell like chloroform?

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FIRST DATE man: i work with animals every day woman: oh how sweet! what is it that you do? man: im a butcher…

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My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are… But I laugh more. How can you tell if you have a high sperm count? When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.

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My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.

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A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone. It’s either really terrible news or really great news.

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so a man was on a ledge ready to kill himself because he got laid off at work and his girlfriend cheated on him he was about to jump until he saw from a mountain side a little guy with no arms dancing around so he thought maybe my life aint so bad so he went to the mountain side thank you he said i was gonna jump off a bridge and kill myself until i saw you dancing even though youu have no arms dancing? the armless man said bitterly my asshole itches and i cant scratch it

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A woman comes to the doctor and tells her ‘doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?’ The doctor says ‘my number’

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What’s the difference between a nun and a woman in a bath tub? One’s got hope in her soul, the others got soap in her hole.

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My girlfriend is 19 and I’m 29. We go out to eat in a restaurant but the whole time I have to deal with being accused of being a pedo, being called disgusting and disturbed. It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary

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