Woman jokes

Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you’re super annoying and won’t shut up.

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I haven’t talked to my wife in three weeks. – I didn’t want to interrupt her. A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3… The boy said, “Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she’s in Grade 4”. The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal.The principal decided to test the boy with some

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My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers. To be honest, I should have seen the signs.

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My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won’t stop complaining about their mom whats the difference between a lightbulb and a preganant woman you can unscrew the lightbulb

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My girlfriend told me the dishwasher was leaking so I brought home some tampons

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The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is stupid because we’ve all kicked a pregnant woman before we where even born. the doctor says to the woman there was good and bad news. the woman says she wants the bad news first the doctor says the bad news is the baby had red hair. then he said the good news is it is dead.

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My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a seven year old.

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My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.

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My girlfriend got ran over by a bus I lost my job as a bus driver.

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I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend. She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.

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My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. – But if I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.

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A man robs a bank and asks a woman, “did you see that?” She says “yes”, so the man shoots her. He leaves the bank and sees a couple, he asks “did you see that?” “No but my wife did!” The husband said.

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Wife: (on phone) hi Husband: hey I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.

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What’s the difference between a nun and a woman in a bath tub? One’s got hope in her soul, the others got soap in her hole.

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When your girlfriend has an abortion, it’s kinda like dodging your own bullets.

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