Me and my wife were out at dinner me being 48 and her being 19, people where screaming at us and calling me a creep. It realy ruined our 10th anniversary
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she’s a slut, but if a man does it… He’s gay, definitely gay.
“I’m not sure why my girlfriend’s father doesn’t like me.” “What was your first impression on him?” “I told him, she calls me daddy too.”
I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend. She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.
I was watching my daughter play at the park, a woman came up to me and asked which one was mine, I said I was still choosing.
In my mothers generation, they grew up with wonder woman. In ours, we have to wonder if she’s a woman.
A man robs a bank and asks a woman, “did you see that?” She says “yes”, so the man shoots her. He leaves the bank and sees a couple, he asks “did you see that?” “No but my wife did!” The husband said.
(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes) What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick I was going to tell a dead baby joke. But I decided to abort. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead. 4.Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at. Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life. I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box. My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
A guy is due to meet his friends for drink at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late. The guy says, “Well, you won’t believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her.” The friends are cheering and one friend asks, “So… did you get any head?” The guy replies, “No, I couldn’t find it.”
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?” He responded with, “The cat is dead.” She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you’ve broken the new slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor things dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?” “She’s playing on the roof.”
When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room. My father is like Houdini, when he heard his girlfriend was pregnant he disappeared.
how do you know when your wife is cheating on you? she comes home with sparkles on her face
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a seven year old.
so i was sitting on the couch with a woman,and i asked her,does this napkin smell like chloroform?
I told my orphan girlfriend that I had to grab milk (goes to the store grabs milk) as I grab the milk I thought hey I bet I can repeat her life twice
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