Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you’re super annoying and won’t shut up.
Why do women rub their eyes in the morning? Because they don’t have balls.
What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets? Women.
What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Stop and apply lubrication.
So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was “Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!”
I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend. She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.
I showed my girlfriend my shotgun yesterday. It really blew her away.
A kid tell me he was gonna f$&k my mom on Fortnite! So I toldhim I was gonna double pump his mom untill she was wet like moisty meyers like if your not A GAY dislike if your furry repost if you HATE blacks omment for VBUCKS sub to me on youtube its my friend and he has aids send himjoeide53rygq2ej/le nb rfcshsu 3nurtv N3Q5UERIUGWTC7w2VWGYEHIWAWASERYAANFYINSIDEFREHJOBUGFUYWUSGRFYDIDYFRG911
Two girls have a sleepover. Karen: Let’s go to bed. Lauren:Fine, but it’s early. *Karen wakes up and exits room" Lauren hears noise Mikey: Your so much better than my girlfriend Karen. Lauren: laughs Lauren: remembers her boyfriend is Karen’s brother Mikey
My ex girlfriend got hit by a bus. I also lost my bus drivers licence.
A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “Ha! Thats not going to help! ” She said. “Sure it does.” he said. “Its the only way i can see the numbers.”
I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard she turned Christian.
A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited. However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium. So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field. He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken. The man replies, “No.” The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?” The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.” “Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you? ” “No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. – I’m doing well, but I do get cannelloni.
Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number
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