Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. not everyone gets it
Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window… If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let her in.
my girl is so cute when she sleeps I watch her all the time……………….tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time
What is similar about a dog and a woman? You can ask them to come
Me at the Oscars when i see Jada Pinkett Smith, me, I said: “G.I. Jane 2, more like G.I Jada 2, can’t wait to see it” So will smith is laughing and then suddenly, Suddenly Will Smith walks up to me and punches me in the face Me: "Ow, oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.” My nigcka Smith goes: “KEEP MY WIFE’S NAME OUT OF YOUR f@ckING MOUTH! ” Me: “Maybe you should focus on keeping her friends out of hers”
One day I got home and told my girlfriend “I cheated on you.” she replied with “F**k you” I then said “But you won’t, that’s why I cheated on you.”
I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.
I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard she turned Christian.
A woman went out on a date and said “I’m thirty one with the body of a sixteen year old” the man responded “wanna show me???” the woman took him back to her house and opened her freezer and said, “take a look”
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife died.
My wife wanted a present that could go from Zero to 80 very quickly. So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.
like if you have a boyfriend girlfriend or husband or wife or a crush.
I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset
A man robs a bank and asks a woman, “did you see that?” She says “yes”, so the man shoots her. He leaves the bank and sees a couple, he asks “did you see that?” “No but my wife did!” The husband said.
Me and my wife were out at dinner me being 48 and her being 19, people where screaming at us and calling me a creep. It realy ruined our 10th anniversary
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