Woman jokes

my girlfriend dumped me today apparently I don’t stand up for her in fights I don’t care she use to push me around all the time

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Wives are like grenades… – Remove the ring and boom, house is gone!

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A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited. However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium. So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field. He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken. The man replies, “No.” The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?” The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.” “Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you? ” “No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”

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so i was sitting on the couch with a woman,and i asked her,does this napkin smell like chloroform?

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What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend? He wipes his butt.

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I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.

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i like my woman like i like my coffee in a big sack on top of donkey

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After my wife died, I couldn’t even look at another woman for 10 years. But now that I’m out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!

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Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. not everyone gets it

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Therapist: so what brought you here today? wife: he’s too literal Therapist: and you sir? husband: my truck

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Woman: Doctor, where are we going? Doctor: To the morgue. Woman: I’m not dead yet, doctor. Doctor: We’re not at morgue yet, either

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My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10. Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9! That’s the best I’ve done so far.

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why is there no woman on the moon? because it doesnt need to be cleaned

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Me: Are you okay? Dentist: I’m just a bit surprised. When I said to you “spit it out” I wasn’t expecting you to say you’ve been shagging my wife.

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Why couldn’t the lizard get a girlfriend? Because he had a reptile dysfunction!

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