Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife died.
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
A wife and husband had been on a strict diet and the wife said yaknow weve been good about our diet lets have a cheat night tonight. The wife came home with kfc and wendys. the husband came home with sylvia from the office.
Why has Stephen hawking’s stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector
how do you know when your wife is cheating on you? she comes home with sparkles on her face
I asked a poor old woman if I could take her home. She smiled and said yes. However the expression on her face soon changed when I started walking away with her cardboard box.
My girlfriend called me a bot in fortnite, so I called her sandwich maker 3000
FIRST DATE man: i work with animals every day woman: oh how sweet! what is it that you do? man: im a butcher…
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number
So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was “Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!”
Wife: (on phone) hi Husband: hey I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.
One day I told my wife that she drew her I brows too high, She looked surprised.
My wife wanted a present that could go from Zero to 80 very quickly. So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.
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