You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. – If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.
Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you’re super annoying and won’t shut up.
Q: What did the skeleton say when he proposed to his girlfriend? A: Will you marrow me?
Why couldn’t the lizard get a girlfriend? Because he had a reptile dysfunction!
I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.
My girlfriend called me a pedophile but what does she know, She’s 7
My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair. But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.
Two men were talking about their wives The first man says “My wife is an angel.” The second man says “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”
My girlfriend is like treasure to me You need a shovel to find her…
how did Stephan hawking please his woman he uses a hard drive.
My girlfriend called me a bot in fortnite, so I called her sandwich maker 3000
A husband got a message from his neighbor one day. It read “Hey im sorry i had to tell you like this but i have been doing your wife for months now” The husband went to go grab his gun and shot his wife. He hid the evidence and a few hours later he got another message from his neighbor saying “Sorry meant using your wifi”
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas. “I don’t understand it, Doc”, she said, “I have this terrible, terrible gas”. “Thankfully”, she added, “they are at least silent when I fart”. Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him. The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. “I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!”, she yelled. The doctor said, “well, now that we’ve solved your hearing problem, let’s see what we can do about that gas”.
I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
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