My ex-wife still misses me… BUT HER AIM IS GETTIN BETTER!
What do you call it if your mom is a guy and ur dad is a woman? Transparent
Billy: spits out food Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths. Dad: looks at mom Mom: Shut up If you get you get it
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? - Because he needed some space.
My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
How do you know when you girlfriend is to young ? you have to make airoplane noises to get her to open her mouth… sorry
An American woman married a British man. On their honeymoon, the British husband said, ?You look like a million pounds!? The wife divorced him.
I keep looking for my girlfriends killer but no one wants to do it.
Some trans “woman” came up to me and told me to act my age so I told him to act his gender How can you tell if your wife is dead? – The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.
A man boards a plane with six children of various ages. After the plane takes off, a woman sitting sitting behind the man asks him, “are all of them yours?” “No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”
i cought my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas. “I don’t understand it, Doc”, she said, “I have this terrible, terrible gas”. “Thankfully”, she added, “they are at least silent when I fart”. Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him. The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. “I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!”, she yelled. The doctor said, “well, now that we’ve solved your hearing problem, let’s see what we can do about that gas”.
Why couldn’t the lizard get a girlfriend? Because he had a reptile dysfunction!
Therapist: so what brought you here today? wife: he’s too literal Therapist: and you sir? husband: my truck
Last halloween i went dressed as a woman. When i rang the doorbell an elderly woman opened and i made grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands. She immediately called the police and told them excactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First he asked are your parents here and i said nothing. Concerned by my answer he then asked if i was ok so i said nothing. He asked me what my name and i responded, "Hellen Keller.
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