Wife:Honey im pregnant Husband:Hi Pregnant im dad Wife:No you’re not
My girlfriend called me a bot in fortnite, so I called her sandwich maker 3000
my wife said if I don’t get of the computer shes gonna slam my head in to the keyboard but I think I’ll ajlkfsdhnvkwr;anhf My wife left me for an Indian guy. – I know he’s going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window… If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let her in.
Woman: Doctor, where are we going? Doctor: To the morgue. Woman: I’m not dead yet, doctor. Doctor: We’re not at morgue yet, either
Why has Stephen hawking’s stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector
A man ordered a washing machine because his old one stopped working. As soon as the man opened his new washing machine, he immediately rejoiced because there was a woman inside. Without hesitation the man yelled. FREE DISHWASHER!
Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. not everyone gets it
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb You can’t unscrew a pregnant woman What’s a similarity between a broken lightbulb, and a pregnant woman They’re both accidents
i like my woman like i like my coffee in a big sack on top of donkey
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
My wife told me I was immature. I just told her to get out of my pillow fort.
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
Wives are like grenades… – Remove the ring and boom, house is gone!
my girlfriend asked me if we could have anal sex and I said what’s that, she said I f@ck her ass, I said oh my uncle calls that shhhhh
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