A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number
"I’d rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth,"the woman told her dentist. He replied, “Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair.”
Girlfriend: am I pretty or ugly? Boyfriend: your both! Girlfriend: what do you mean by that? Boyfriend: your pretty ugly!!!
Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff? Tequila
A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone. It’s either really terrible news or really great news.
Flippity floppity women are property
Girlfriends are just like Ak47s they always go off on you.
My wife told me pass her lip stck but i gave her a glue stick now she is not talking to me
why is there no woman on the moon? because it doesnt need to be cleaned
There are two siblings. A little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night, and take her home. So they get to the bigger brothers house, and walk in his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk bed. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, “whenever you feel good, say lettuce, and whenever you want to switch positions say tomato.” The girl constantly is saying “lettuce, tomato” and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, " can you guys stop making sandwiches, you’re getting mayonnaise all over me.
Therapist: so what brought you here today? wife: he’s too literal Therapist: and you sir? husband: my truck
My wife wanted a present that could go from Zero to 80 very quickly. So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.
Today was a terrible day. My wife got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver
RUS | ENG
