If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
Once an orphan got a girlfriend. He regreted it. She left him too.
Little Jonny just came back from quarantine with his girlfriend Sally. They both said they had to go to the bathroom. When they came back Sally was coughing up a storm. The teacher said you need to be quarantined again. No sally said I was just in the bathroom choking on something that grown-ups especially women like. Then the teacher faints.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.
Hey what is the difference between a painting and a wife? Only the wife was hung up
one time i broke up with my roblox girlfriend by sending her a message, 30 seconds later i heard my uncle crying in the next room
I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard she turned Christian.
A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labour, the doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father, they agree so the machine is used, 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not felling anything, 100%, nothing. The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.
Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you’re super annoying and won’t shut up.
My wife thinks i’m immature, so I told her to get out of my fort.
A blind man walks into a bar, and asks the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bartender replies with, “I’m blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde.” Then says “Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke? ” the blind guy responds with "No I don’t wanna tell it that many times.
In my mothers generation, they grew up with wonder woman. In ours, we have to wonder if she’s a woman.
I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.
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