I showed my girlfriend my shotgun yesterday. It really blew her away.
I said to my pregnant wife push darling , come on push harder dear , no she wasn’t giving birth the bloody car would not start .
If a man drove over a woman, whose fault was it? The man, because he shouldn’t be driving in the kitchen.
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? - Because he needed some space.
I have a girlfriend.
I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard she turned Christian.
A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.
A man robs a bank and asks a woman, “did you see that?” She says “yes”, so the man shoots her. He leaves the bank and sees a couple, he asks “did you see that?” “No but my wife did!” The husband said.
Flippity floppity women are property
A Man walks into a bar and Orders 3 shots of Whisky, The Bartender asks "What’s got you down" The man says “I just found out my Niece is gay.” The next day he orders 4 shots of Whisky The Bartender asks “What’s got you down now?” The man says "I just found out my son is gay." The next day he orders 6 shots of whisky The Bartender says "Got anybody who likes Women? " The man says “My wife does.”
Window Problems A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won’t open." Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer. " Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now.”
so i was sitting on the couch with a woman,and i asked her,does this napkin smell like chloroform?
I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend. She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.
What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets? Women.
What’s the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side
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