A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was “she was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife reply’s “perform the f@cking autopsy!”
My wife thinks i’m immature, so I told her to get out of my fort.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? - Because he needed some space.
My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
you can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. For example, if she’s holding a gun, she’s probably angry.
I know a woman who owns a taser. – She’s stunning!
One day I got home and told my girlfriend “I cheated on you.” she replied with “F**k you” I then said “But you won’t, that’s why I cheated on you.”
What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend? He wipes his butt.
My wife is like a mirror I can never look at it
Do you know what’s the difference between a knife and a girl’s argument A knife has a point
I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “what do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed. Most women can’t pull off sarcasm
I comforted my friend about his wife’s death: until I found out who did it.
Little Johnny walked on into to his house.He heard a banging sound from up above and decied to investigate.He opened the door to his parents room and saw his naked mom and the woman next door. He thought they were wrestling and decided to join in.
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