why is there no woman on the moon? because it doesnt need to be cleaned
I asked my girlfriend if he wanted to join my family tree… She dropped the rope and ran
Why has Stephen hawking’s stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector
Husband: Hay honey words can’t describe how beautiful you are. Wife: aww thanks Husband:But numbers can 0 out of 10
A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says “God bless Mummy and God Bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad.” The father says, “Good bye Grandad? Why is that?” The daughter says, “Just because I felt like it.” The next day, Grandad drops dead. The father can’t believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter’s prayers again. She says, “God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma.” The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, “Just because I felt like it.” The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn’t know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, “God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy.” The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn’t go home and stays there until midnight. He’s very surprised. ‘I’ve cheated death!’ he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, “Where have you been?!” and the husband says, “Oh don’t ask me any questions, today’s been miserable.” The wife replies, “Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch…”
My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again
Wife: "How would you describe me?" Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." Wife: "What does that mean?" Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute ©, delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H). " Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" Husband: “I’m just kidding!”
Have u ever noticed When a woman is pregnant aII her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “weII done”
How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side so i crashed the car.
why did the orphan not have a girlfriend? because he thought that she would leave him to.
(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes) What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick I was going to tell a dead baby joke. But I decided to abort. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead. 4.Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at. Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life. I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box. My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
Billy: spits out food Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths. Dad: looks at mom Mom: Shut up If you get you get it
One day I told my wife that she drew her I brows too high, She looked surprised.
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