I took my girlfriend out the other day… Man do I love being a sniper.
Hey what is the difference between a painting and a wife? Only the wife was hung up
My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me. The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment. With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.
My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish. I started thrashing about and roared “You don’t have enough badges to control me!”
A blind man walks into a bar, and asks the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bartender replies with, “I’m blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde.” Then says “Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke? ” the blind guy responds with "No I don’t wanna tell it that many times.
nearly 40% of the world have been in a relationship; the 60% are worstjokesever.com users
A programmer and his wife. She says, “We’re out of bread. Please go the grocery store and buy one. And if they’ve got eggs, get six.” After a while, he’s back with six loaves of bread. The wife asks, “Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?” He replies, “They had eggs.”
Y is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman stomach but never the man’s balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations
Two men were talking about their wives The first man says “My wife is an angel.” The second man says “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”
Some trans “woman” came up to me and told me to act my age so I told him to act his gender How can you tell if your wife is dead? – The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.
My girlfriend got ran over by a bus I lost my job as a bus driver.
Why couldn’t the lizard get a girlfriend? Because he had a reptile dysfunction!
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry. Onions was a good dog.
One day I told my wife that she drew her I brows too high, She looked surprised.
If a man drove over a woman, whose fault was it? The man, because he shouldn’t be driving in the kitchen.
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