What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets? Women.
Me and my girlfriend were planning on having sex but I said me and my little brother share a bunk bed and he’s on the bottom. She said tell him we’re making sandwiches so we came up with a plan. Tomato means harder and cheese means faster. So we were having sex and she was screaming tomato tomato tomato cheese cheese cheese, then my little brother said can y’all stop making sandwiches your getting mayonnaise all over my bed.
Stage 4 cancer is like a woman you can’t beat it but if you do she’ll probably come back again A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she’s away. On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead. The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, “You can’t tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn’t get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day you could have said that she died from complications.” The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, “Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can’t get down …”
Wives are like grenades… – Remove the ring and boom, house is gone!
A woman comes to the doctors an says ‘doctor, I think I have cancer’ the doctor checks it out ‘it’s all in your head’ the doctor says ‘phew’ said the woman, ‘a bunch of tumors, all in your head’
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. – But if I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
what is the diffrence between a snow woman and a snowman? Snowballs
What do you call it if your mom is a guy and ur dad is a woman? Transparent
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? - Because he needed some space.
My girlfriend is like treasure to me You need a shovel to find her…
What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.
One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!
Jon said:What do you call a pregnant woman? Mike said: I don’t know what? Jon said: kinder surprise
What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you? Take her wheel chair, she’ll come crawling back.
My ex-wife still misses me… BUT HER AIM IS GETTIN BETTER!
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