Why can’t Helen Keller drive? Because she’s a woman.
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game. They had great seats right behind their teams bench. After the game the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience. “Oh, I really liked it!” she replied, “Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.” Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, “What do you mean?” She said, “Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!’ I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!”
A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was “she was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife reply’s “perform the f@cking autopsy!”
School Bully: How’s your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don’t have any! Me: How’s your parents? Oh wait, you don’t have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. – I’m doing well, but I do get cannelloni.
I asked my girlfriend if he wanted to join my family tree… She dropped the rope and ran
A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: “Shut up … you’re next!”
My girlfriend treats me like God. – She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.
My girlfriend is like treasure to me You need a shovel to find her…
Jon said:What do you call a pregnant woman? Mike said: I don’t know what? Jon said: kinder surprise
Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike, there may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until i find one, i’m stuck here holding my rod
Me: Are you okay? Dentist: I’m just a bit surprised. When I said to you “spit it out” I wasn’t expecting you to say you’ve been shagging my wife.
Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you’re super annoying and won’t shut up.
so i was sitting on the couch with a woman,and i asked her,does this napkin smell like chloroform?
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a seven year old.
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