My girlfriend got ran over by a bus I lost my job as a bus driver.
Little Johnny walked on into to his house.He heard a banging sound from up above and decied to investigate.He opened the door to his parents room and saw his naked mom and the woman next door. He thought they were wrestling and decided to join in.
What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend? He wipes his butt.
My ex-wife still misses me… BUT HER AIM IS GETTIN BETTER!
If a man drove over a woman, whose fault was it? The man, because he shouldn’t be driving in the kitchen.
What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you? Take her wheel chair, she’ll come crawling back.
My girlfriend treats me like God. – She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.
Women are like dogs… “Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?” “Can I come? Can I come? Can I come? ” “I’ll wait right here… I’ll wait right here… I’ll wait right here…” SHOES
A man robs a bank and asks a woman, “did you see that?” She says “yes”, so the man shoots her. He leaves the bank and sees a couple, he asks “did you see that?” “No but my wife did!” The husband said.
At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become. On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again. “Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.
A woman comes to the doctor and tells her ‘doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?’ The doctor says ‘my number’
The other day my friend messaged by saying “bro I have two pieces of bad news for you.” I told him to combine them. He replied with “your girlfriend is cheating on both of us.”
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
My wife told me I was immature. I just told her to get out of my pillow fort.
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