I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry. Onions was a good dog.
Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. not everyone gets it
When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room. My father is like Houdini, when he heard his girlfriend was pregnant he disappeared.
My girlfriend got ran over by a bus I lost my job as a bus driver.
My ex-wife still misses me… BUT HER AIM IS GETTIN BETTER!
My girlfriends last words I can’t wait to become a mom
Billy: spits out food Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths. Dad: looks at mom Mom: Shut up If you get you get it
Roast: What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus? One is hairy and smells like fish and the other is a walrus. Your welcome
An American woman married a British man. On their honeymoon, the British husband said, ?You look like a million pounds!? The wife divorced him.
A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was “she was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife reply’s “perform the f@cking autopsy!”
What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets? Women.
A wife and husband was setting up their computer and the husband makes the password my dick, but the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.
What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.
My girlfriend called me a pedophile but what does she know, She’s 7
Do you know what’s the difference between a knife and a girl’s argument A knife has a point
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