I said to my pregnant wife push darling , come on push harder dear , no she wasn’t giving birth the bloody car would not start .
In my mothers generation, they grew up with wonder woman. In ours, we have to wonder if she’s a woman.
Have u ever noticed When a woman is pregnant aII her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “weII done”
What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend? He wipes his butt.
I know a woman who owns a taser. – She’s stunning!
Jokes about menstruation are not funny. Period.
A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was “she was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife reply’s “perform the f@cking autopsy!”
My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day: Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you’re told. What’s the difference between your girlfriend and sister ? Nothing if your from Alabama
A programmer and his wife. She says, “We’re out of bread. Please go the grocery store and buy one. And if they’ve got eggs, get six.” After a while, he’s back with six loaves of bread. The wife asks, “Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?” He replies, “They had eggs.”
What do you call it if your mom is a guy and ur dad is a woman? Transparent
Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike, there may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until i find one, i’m stuck here holding my rod
Most states: “It’s ok, it won’t be awkward. We’re still friends.” Alabama: “She didn’t wanna be my girlfriend anymore. But she said she’ll still be my sister.”
What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Stop and apply lubrication.
My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again
A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: “Shut up … you’re next!”
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