I comforted my friend about his wife’s death: until I found out who did it.
my girlfriend asked me if we could have anal sex and I said what’s that, she said I f@ck her ass, I said oh my uncle calls that shhhhh
What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend? He wipes his butt.
My wife told me pass her lip stck but i gave her a glue stick now she is not talking to me
A : Whats the similarity between your girlfriend and the Sun? B : They’re both hot? A : They’re both massive.
A man ordered a washing machine because his old one stopped working. As soon as the man opened his new washing machine, he immediately rejoiced because there was a woman inside. Without hesitation the man yelled. FREE DISHWASHER!
A woman comes to the doctor and tells her ‘doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?’ The doctor says ‘my number’
Today was a terrible day. My wife got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver
My wife told me I was immature. I just told her to get out of my pillow fort.
wha can you tella dog, but not your girlfriend…? come
Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. not everyone gets it
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg? Eileen
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she’s a slut, but if a man does it… He’s gay, definitely gay.
One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!
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