Some trans “woman” came up to me and told me to act my age so I told him to act his gender How can you tell if your wife is dead? – The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.
I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you? Take her wheel chair, she’ll come crawling back.
My wife is like a mirror I can never look at it
I said to my pregnant wife push darling , come on push harder dear , no she wasn’t giving birth the bloody car would not start .
My girlfriend is a porn star. – She will kill me if she finds out.
Why can’t Helen Keller drive? Because she’s a woman.
Once an orphan got a girlfriend. He regreted it. She left him too.
my girl is so cute when she sleeps I watch her all the time……………….tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time
Stage 4 cancer is like a woman you can’t beat it but if you do she’ll probably come back again A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she’s away. On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead. The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, “You can’t tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn’t get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day you could have said that she died from complications.” The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, “Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can’t get down …”
My wife wanted a present that could go from Zero to 80 very quickly. So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.
Why has Stephen hawking’s stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. – But if I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
A man boards a plane with six children of various ages. After the plane takes off, a woman sitting sitting behind the man asks him, “are all of them yours?” “No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
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