Wife: (on phone) hi Husband: hey I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.
its only ok to beat up an dwarf when they walk up to your wife and say your hair smells nice I saw my wife at the dam yesterday. Drat. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.
my girlfriend dumped me today apparently I don’t stand up for her in fights I don’t care she use to push me around all the time
Y is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman stomach but never the man’s balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations
Today was a terrible day. My wife got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver
I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
A feminist walks into a bar. Her friend says “oh my god your shoulders are broad!” another woman says “are you sure it’s a woman?”
Doctor: Madam, Your Husband Needs Rest And Peace So Here Are Some Sleeping Pills. Wife: Doctor, When Should I Give Them To Him? Doctor: They Are For You.!!
rmm
My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side so i crashed the car.
The doctor says “your wife is PREGNENT” the man says that he used a condom and the doctor says "ya but I didn’t
Why do orphans make the best girlfriends? Because They don’t need permission from their Parents
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a seven year old.
A man boards a plane with six children of various ages. After the plane takes off, a woman sitting sitting behind the man asks him, “are all of them yours?” “No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”
Boy: my girlfriend didn’t dump me, I dumped her… Off the nearby cliff
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