I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
My girlfriend is 19 and I’m 29. We go out to eat in a restaurant but the whole time I have to deal with being accused of being a pedo, being called disgusting and disturbed. It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary
A guy is due to meet his friends for drink at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late. The guy says, “Well, you won’t believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her.” The friends are cheering and one friend asks, “So… did you get any head?” The guy replies, “No, I couldn’t find it.”
My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day: Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you’re told. What’s the difference between your girlfriend and sister ? Nothing if your from Alabama
i like my woman like i like my coffee in a big sack on top of donkey
What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend? He wipes his butt.
Window Problems A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won’t open." Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer. " Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now.”
my girl is so cute when she sleeps I watch her all the time……………….tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time
I keep looking for my girlfriends killer but no one wants to do it.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair. But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.
One day I told my wife that she drew her I brows too high, She looked surprised.
I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “what do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed. Most women can’t pull off sarcasm
Only one of Kenny’s girlfriends has ever said he’s good in bed. But she has to. She’s his mom.
My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again
Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times and she won’t believe you. Tell a woman she’s fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
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