What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets? Women.
What’s the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side
Roast: What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus? One is hairy and smells like fish and the other is a walrus. Your welcome
My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me. The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment. With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg? Eileen
When your girlfriend has an abortion, it’s kinda like dodging your own bullets.
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!” She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?” To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
Only one of Kenny’s girlfriends has ever said he’s good in bed. But she has to. She’s his mom.
A man ordered a washing machine because his old one stopped working. As soon as the man opened his new washing machine, he immediately rejoiced because there was a woman inside. Without hesitation the man yelled. FREE DISHWASHER!
Y is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman stomach but never the man’s balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.
i thought my wife was joking when she said she was gunna leave me because i wouldn’t stop singing “im a believer” but then i saw her face
Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number
my girl is so cute when she sleeps I watch her all the time……………….tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
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