Today was a terrible day. My wife got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months she woke. She asked the doctor “hows the baby?” “You had twins” the doctor replied. “Your brother named them” the woman said *oh no not my brother what did he call them?" “He called the girl Denise” “what about the boy” the woman asked the doctor said “denephew”
What is similar about a dog and a woman? You can ask them to come
Guy starts chatting to pretty woman at a party Seeing that she didn’t back off he asked her name. “Carmen,” she replied. That’s a nice name," he said warming up the conversation, “Who named you, your mother?” "No, I named myself, she answered. “Oh, that’s interesting. Why Carmen?” “Because I like cars, and I like men,” she said looking directly into his eyes. “So what’s your name?” she asked. ‘BJ Titsngolf’
Doctor: Madam, Your Husband Needs Rest And Peace So Here Are Some Sleeping Pills. Wife: Doctor, When Should I Give Them To Him? Doctor: They Are For You.!!
What’s the difference between a nun and a woman in a bath tub? One’s got hope in her soul, the others got soap in her hole.
My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers. To be honest, I should have seen the signs.
What’s the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.
What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.
I was watching my daughter play at the park, a woman came up to me and asked which one was mine, I said I was still choosing.
Q: What did the skeleton say when he proposed to his girlfriend? A: Will you marrow me?
My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
I see some objects over there… oh never mind, that’s a woman.
The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is stupid because we’ve all kicked a pregnant woman before we where even born. the doctor says to the woman there was good and bad news. the woman says she wants the bad news first the doctor says the bad news is the baby had red hair. then he said the good news is it is dead.
A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone. It’s either really terrible news or really great news.
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