Me: Are you okay? Dentist: I’m just a bit surprised. When I said to you “spit it out” I wasn’t expecting you to say you’ve been shagging my wife.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair. But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.
When your girlfriend has an abortion, it’s kinda like dodging your own bullets.
Why couldn’t the lizard get a girlfriend? Because he had a reptile dysfunction!
How do you know when you girlfriend is to young ? you have to make airoplane noises to get her to open her mouth… sorry
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
I keep looking for my girlfriends killer but no one wants to do it.
A wife and husband was setting up their computer and the husband makes the password my dick, but the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.
Last halloween i went dressed as a woman. When i rang the doorbell an elderly woman opened and i made grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands. She immediately called the police and told them excactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First he asked are your parents here and i said nothing. Concerned by my answer he then asked if i was ok so i said nothing. He asked me what my name and i responded, "Hellen Keller.
My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.
Woman one: I got so mad at my GPS today that I told it to go to hell! Woman two: Did that work? Woman one: Well, it took me to my in-laws’ house.
one day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy then they heard a sound from the bushes, instead of looking down they both ran. two years later they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial they asked him if he has ever been caught he said “No but a couple was walking as soon as i killed a girl i jumped into a bush they didnt know i was there but the man stepped on the dead body but didn’t look down then he and his girlfriend ran.”
My wife thinks i’m immature, so I told her to get out of my fort.
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she’s a slut, but if a man does it… He’s gay, definitely gay.
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