Why has Stephen hawking’s stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector
My girlfriend called me a pedophile but what does she know, She’s 7
my girlfriend dumped me today apparently I don’t stand up for her in fights I don’t care she use to push me around all the time
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
its only ok to beat up an dwarf when they walk up to your wife and say your hair smells nice I saw my wife at the dam yesterday. Drat. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.
Little Johhny is walking around and peaks in his parents room, catching them having sex so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! we’re just uh, making cake” and they send him away. So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brothers room so he walks in and catches his brother and his brothers girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! were making cake!” So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! Howd you know! ?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.
At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become. On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again. “Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
Guy starts chatting to pretty woman at a party Seeing that she didn’t back off he asked her name. “Carmen,” she replied. That’s a nice name," he said warming up the conversation, “Who named you, your mother?” "No, I named myself, she answered. “Oh, that’s interesting. Why Carmen?” “Because I like cars, and I like men,” she said looking directly into his eyes. “So what’s your name?” she asked. ‘BJ Titsngolf’
I said to my pregnant wife push darling , come on push harder dear , no she wasn’t giving birth the bloody car would not start .
Have u ever noticed When a woman is pregnant aII her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “weII done”
so i was sitting on the couch with a woman,and i asked her,does this napkin smell like chloroform?
A woman comes to the doctor and tells her ‘doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?’ The doctor says ‘my number’
Two girls have a sleepover. Karen: Let’s go to bed. Lauren:Fine, but it’s early. *Karen wakes up and exits room" Lauren hears noise Mikey: Your so much better than my girlfriend Karen. Lauren: laughs Lauren: remembers her boyfriend is Karen’s brother Mikey
A : Whats the similarity between your girlfriend and the Sun? B : They’re both hot? A : They’re both massive.
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