One day I got home and told my girlfriend “I cheated on you.” she replied with “F**k you” I then said “But you won’t, that’s why I cheated on you.”
How do you know when you girlfriend is to young ? you have to make airoplane noises to get her to open her mouth… sorry
Woman: Doctor, where are we going? Doctor: To the morgue. Woman: I’m not dead yet, doctor. Doctor: We’re not at morgue yet, either
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day she said its the biggest thing i ever had in my hand i said no love your just pulling my leg
I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.
Why do women rub their eyes in the morning? Because they don’t have balls.
A husband got a message from his neighbor one day. It read “Hey im sorry i had to tell you like this but i have been doing your wife for months now” The husband went to go grab his gun and shot his wife. He hid the evidence and a few hours later he got another message from his neighbor saying “Sorry meant using your wifi”
Why couldn’t the lizard get a girlfriend? Because he had a reptile dysfunction!
Do you know what’s the difference between a knife and a girl’s argument A knife has a point
I showed my girlfriend my shotgun yesterday. It really blew her away.
What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Stop and apply lubrication.
A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone. It’s either really terrible news or really great news.
A man ordered a washing machine because his old one stopped working. As soon as the man opened his new washing machine, he immediately rejoiced because there was a woman inside. Without hesitation the man yelled. FREE DISHWASHER!
My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won’t stop complaining about their mom whats the difference between a lightbulb and a preganant woman you can unscrew the lightbulb
I see some objects over there… oh never mind, that’s a woman.
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