Woman jokes

What do u call a woman who says she can do anything a man can do? Wrong

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A wife and husband was setting up their computer and the husband makes the password my dick, but the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.

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My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side so i crashed the car.

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A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: “Shut up … you’re next!”

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What’s the difference between a nun and a woman in a bath tub? One’s got hope in her soul, the others got soap in her hole.

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Wife:Honey im pregnant Husband:Hi Pregnant im dad Wife:No you’re not

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Roast: What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus? One is hairy and smells like fish and the other is a walrus. Your welcome

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A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months she woke. She asked the doctor “hows the baby?” “You had twins” the doctor replied. “Your brother named them” the woman said *oh no not my brother what did he call them?" “He called the girl Denise” “what about the boy” the woman asked the doctor said “denephew”

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My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. – I’m doing well, but I do get cannelloni.

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What’s the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle? my girlfriend didn’t go to jail for loving me. I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.

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What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg? Eileen

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A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.

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A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.

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My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a seven year old.

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What’s the worst part of Breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice until she finally gets it. I have a problem my dad any my girlfriend have the same birthday. So one took my virginity and the other is my girlfriend

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