Woman jokes

My ex girlfriend got hit by a bus. I also lost my bus drivers licence.

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My wife told me pass her lip stck but i gave her a glue stick now she is not talking to me

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A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “Ha! Thats not going to help! ” She said. “Sure it does.” he said. “Its the only way i can see the numbers.”

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My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day: Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you’re told. What’s the difference between your girlfriend and sister ? Nothing if your from Alabama

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FIRST DATE man: i work with animals every day woman: oh how sweet! what is it that you do? man: im a butcher…

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I took my girlfriend out the other day… Man do I love being a sniper.

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I haven’t talked to my wife in three weeks. – I didn’t want to interrupt her. A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3… The boy said, “Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she’s in Grade 4”. The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal.The principal decided to test the boy with some

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I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.

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What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most? The “cold and passed out” kind.

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20 years of sex in the dark the wife find out he was using a dildo the wife get angry and says ?explain the dildo prick? the husband says ?explain the children bitch

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I said to my pregnant wife push darling , come on push harder dear , no she wasn’t giving birth the bloody car would not start .

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My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a seven year old.

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A woman comes to the doctor and tells her ‘doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?’ The doctor says ‘my number’

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What’s the difference between a nun and a woman in a bath tub? One’s got hope in her soul, the others got soap in her hole.

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How do you know when you girlfriend is to young ? you have to make airoplane noises to get her to open her mouth… sorry

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