I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry. Onions was a good dog.
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. – But if I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
Why do women rub their eyes in the morning? Because they don’t have balls.
so i was sitting on the couch with a woman,and i asked her,does this napkin smell like chloroform?
Why are we depressed, is it because that bully in your school, or that you have acne, how about when you listen to you sad song playlist, maybe cause you have no friends, Or is it the fact your anime girlfriend is fake. T^T
Your at your girlfriends house for a family dinner. Your GF says, " Daddy please pass me the salt." when you and her father begin to reach for the salt.
i cought my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
A woman gets rid of polish with chemicals and no one bats an eye The Germans got rid of polish with chemicals and everyone lost their mind
My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.
how did Stephan hawking please his woman he uses a hard drive.
Two friends who’ve been bros for forever see each other in Wal-Mart in the card section. The first guy asks what he got his wife for her birthday. The second guy tells him he got her a Maserati and a card. The first guy tells him he got his wife a card and a dildo for her birthday. The second guy asks why he got his wife a dildo for her birthday. The first guy says, “If she doesn’t like the card I got her, then she can go f@ck herself!”
The cops are still searching for my wife’s killer. Luckily I already fled the country.
A woman comes to the doctor and tells her ‘doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?’ The doctor says ‘my number’
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.
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