Woman jokes

%% %%It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. ‘No,’ says the neighbor. ‘The seat is empty.’ ‘This is incredible,’ said the man. ‘Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?’ The neighbor says, ‘Well actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.’ ‘Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible….But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat? ’ The man shakes his head. ‘No,’ he says. ‘They’re all at the funeral.’

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I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.

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I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset

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Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike, there may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until i find one, i’m stuck here holding my rod

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I see some objects over there… oh never mind, that’s a woman.

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A feminist walks into a bar. Her friend says “oh my god your shoulders are broad!” another woman says “are you sure it’s a woman?”

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3 citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI, their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot them, he walked out in shame and said he couldn’t do it. The second guy had the same scenario, he put the gun up but couldn’t pull the trigger so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario, he walked out and told the instructor, “The gun wasn’t loaded, I had to strangle the bitch.”

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I have a girlfriend.

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School Bully: How’s your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don’t have any! Me: How’s your parents? Oh wait, you don’t have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage

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What is similar about a dog and a woman? You can ask them to come

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how did Stephan hawking please his woman he uses a hard drive.

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Hey what is the difference between a painting and a wife? Only the wife was hung up

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A : Whats the similarity between your girlfriend and the Sun? B : They’re both hot? A : They’re both massive.

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Tell someone to look in their shirt and spell attic hehe

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My wife told me I was immature. I just told her to get out of my pillow fort.

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