My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side so i crashed the car.
My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she’s a slut, but if a man does it… He’s gay, definitely gay.
When your girlfriend has an abortion, it’s kinda like dodging your own bullets.
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas. “I don’t understand it, Doc”, she said, “I have this terrible, terrible gas”. “Thankfully”, she added, “they are at least silent when I fart”. Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him. The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. “I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!”, she yelled. The doctor said, “well, now that we’ve solved your hearing problem, let’s see what we can do about that gas”.
My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me. The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment. With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.
A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was “she was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife reply’s “perform the f@cking autopsy!”
I asked a poor old woman if I could take her home. She smiled and said yes. However the expression on her face soon changed when I started walking away with her cardboard box.
why did the orphan not have a girlfriend? because he thought that she would leave him to.
A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.
An American woman married a British man. On their honeymoon, the British husband said, ?You look like a million pounds!? The wife divorced him.
My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won’t stop complaining about their mom whats the difference between a lightbulb and a preganant woman you can unscrew the lightbulb
My girlfriend called me a bot in fortnite, so I called her sandwich maker 3000
A woman gets rid of polish with chemicals and no one bats an eye The Germans got rid of polish with chemicals and everyone lost their mind
my girlfriend asked me if we could have anal sex and I said what’s that, she said I f@ck her ass, I said oh my uncle calls that shhhhh
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