its only ok to beat up an dwarf when they walk up to your wife and say your hair smells nice I saw my wife at the dam yesterday. Drat. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, “No, wait! I can change.”
A : Whats the similarity between your girlfriend and the Sun? B : They’re both hot? A : They’re both massive.
Jon said:What do you call a pregnant woman? Mike said: I don’t know what? Jon said: kinder surprise
I asked my girlfriend if he wanted to join my family tree… She dropped the rope and ran
A woman walks into a doctor’s office. She schedules an appointment and sits down it the waiting room. Whem it’s her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they’re unlike anything he’s heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, ‘Well I have good news and bad news.’ The woman says, ‘I’ll hear the good news first please. ’ The doctor replies ‘The good news is we’re naming a disease after you!’
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
My girlfriends last words I can’t wait to become a mom
one time i broke up with my roblox girlfriend by sending her a message, 30 seconds later i heard my uncle crying in the next room
Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you’re super annoying and won’t shut up.
A elderly woman and an elderly man were at a retirement home The man was shuffling a deck of cards for a card game The man asks "Is it your first time? " The woman replies “It’s been a while since a man has asked me that.”
my wife said if I don’t get of the computer shes gonna slam my head in to the keyboard but I think I’ll ajlkfsdhnvkwr;anhf My wife left me for an Indian guy. – I know he’s going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
Little Jonny just came back from quarantine with his girlfriend Sally. They both said they had to go to the bathroom. When they came back Sally was coughing up a storm. The teacher said you need to be quarantined again. No sally said I was just in the bathroom choking on something that grown-ups especially women like. Then the teacher faints.
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? - Because he needed some space.
My wife thinks i’m immature, so I told her to get out of my fort.
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