A man wakes up from his operation and the doctor says ‘I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?’ The man says ‘bad’ so the doctor says ‘during the surgery your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man’ the man says ‘what’s the good then? ’ And the doctor says ‘I’m picking her up at 7’
What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend? He wipes his butt.
I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset
I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard she turned Christian.
how do you know when your wife is cheating on you? she comes home with sparkles on her face
one day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy then they heard a sound from the bushes, instead of looking down they both ran. two years later they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial they asked him if he has ever been caught he said “No but a couple was walking as soon as i killed a girl i jumped into a bush they didnt know i was there but the man stepped on the dead body but didn’t look down then he and his girlfriend ran.”
i cought my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.
my girlfriend asked me if we could have anal sex and I said what’s that, she said I f@ck her ass, I said oh my uncle calls that shhhhh
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.
My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
20 years of sex in the dark the wife find out he was using a dildo the wife get angry and says ?explain the dildo prick? the husband says ?explain the children bitch
What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets? Women.
I was watching my daughter play at the park, a woman came up to me and asked which one was mine, I said I was still choosing.
Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you’re super annoying and won’t shut up.
one time i broke up with my roblox girlfriend by sending her a message, 30 seconds later i heard my uncle crying in the next room
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