A blind man walks into a bar, and asks the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bartender replies with, “I’m blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde.” Then says “Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke? ” the blind guy responds with "No I don’t wanna tell it that many times.
I was watching my daughter play at the park, a woman came up to me and asked which one was mine, I said I was still choosing.
Guy starts chatting to pretty woman at a party Seeing that she didn’t back off he asked her name. “Carmen,” she replied. That’s a nice name," he said warming up the conversation, “Who named you, your mother?” "No, I named myself, she answered. “Oh, that’s interesting. Why Carmen?” “Because I like cars, and I like men,” she said looking directly into his eyes. “So what’s your name?” she asked. ‘BJ Titsngolf’
What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Stop and apply lubrication.
Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. not everyone gets it
Wife:Honey im pregnant Husband:Hi Pregnant im dad Wife:No you’re not
A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him: Wife: why is your face all bloody? Husband: I was so drunk that I couldn’t stand up so I kept falling on my face! Wife: idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!
A : Whats the similarity between your girlfriend and the Sun? B : They’re both hot? A : They’re both massive.
Wives are like grenades… – Remove the ring and boom, house is gone!
A man boards a plane with six children of various ages. After the plane takes off, a woman sitting sitting behind the man asks him, “are all of them yours?” “No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”
A husband and a wife have four children the oldest three are tall with blonde hair, the youngest is short with brown hair. The husband was on his deathbed and said “honey, can you be completely honest with me, is our youngest son mine?” The wife says “I swear to all that is holy he is your son.” Then the husband died and the wife muttered, “thank god he didn’t ask about the other three.”
One day I got home and told my girlfriend “I cheated on you.” she replied with “F**k you” I then said “But you won’t, that’s why I cheated on you.”
My girlfriend broke up with me. She said I was a pedophile. I told her, “PEDOPHILE? Wow, that sure is a big word for an eight-year-old!”
my girlfriend dumped me today apparently I don’t stand up for her in fights I don’t care she use to push me around all the time
My girlfriends last words I can’t wait to become a mom
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