why is there no woman on the moon? because it doesnt need to be cleaned
What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you? Take her wheel chair, she’ll come crawling back.
Do you know what’s the difference between a knife and a girl’s argument A knife has a point
so a man was on a ledge ready to kill himself because he got laid off at work and his girlfriend cheated on him he was about to jump until he saw from a mountain side a little guy with no arms dancing around so he thought maybe my life aint so bad so he went to the mountain side thank you he said i was gonna jump off a bridge and kill myself until i saw you dancing even though youu have no arms dancing? the armless man said bitterly my asshole itches and i cant scratch it
FIRST DATE man: i work with animals every day woman: oh how sweet! what is it that you do? man: im a butcher…
A : Whats the similarity between your girlfriend and the Sun? B : They’re both hot? A : They’re both massive.
what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back
Two friends who’ve been bros for forever see each other in Wal-Mart in the card section. The first guy asks what he got his wife for her birthday. The second guy tells him he got her a Maserati and a card. The first guy tells him he got his wife a card and a dildo for her birthday. The second guy asks why he got his wife a dildo for her birthday. The first guy says, “If she doesn’t like the card I got her, then she can go f@ck herself!”
you can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. For example, if she’s holding a gun, she’s probably angry.
how do you know when your wife is cheating on you? she comes home with sparkles on her face
There was a cannibal who had a wife and (eight) kids.
My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers. To be honest, I should have seen the signs.
Billy: spits out food Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths. Dad: looks at mom Mom: Shut up If you get you get it
A woman walks into a doctor’s office. She schedules an appointment and sits down it the waiting room. Whem it’s her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they’re unlike anything he’s heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, ‘Well I have good news and bad news.’ The woman says, ‘I’ll hear the good news first please. ’ The doctor replies ‘The good news is we’re naming a disease after you!’
My girlfriend called me a bot in fortnite, so I called her sandwich maker 3000
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