Man: "Is your body from Mcdonalds?" Woman: "Why, because your loving it?" Man: “No, because its fat and greasy.” :D
What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Stop and apply lubrication.
Therapist: so what brought you here today? wife: he’s too literal Therapist: and you sir? husband: my truck
A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to. He says to the first one "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny" He says to the second one "You are addicted to food, you named you daughter Candy" Then the third one whispers to her son “Come on Dick, lets go.”
Hitler visits a lunatic asylum. The patients give the Hitler salute. As he passes down the line he comes across a woman who Isn?’t saluting. ?Why are you not saluting like the others? ? Hitler barks. ?"Mein Fuhrer, I?m the nurse," she responds "I?m not crazy!?
its only ok to beat up an dwarf when they walk up to your wife and say your hair smells nice I saw my wife at the dam yesterday. Drat. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.
Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you’re super annoying and won’t shut up.
What do u call a woman who says she can do anything a man can do? Wrong
If depression is going to be my girlfriend. Will she leave me?
My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair. But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.
My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me. The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment. With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.
20 years of sex in the dark the wife find out he was using a dildo the wife get angry and says ?explain the dildo prick? the husband says ?explain the children bitch
Boy: my girlfriend didn’t dump me, I dumped her… Off the nearby cliff
I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset
What is similar about a dog and a woman? You can ask them to come
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