Woman jokes

Two friends who’ve been bros for forever see each other in Wal-Mart in the card section. The first guy asks what he got his wife for her birthday. The second guy tells him he got her a Maserati and a card. The first guy tells him he got his wife a card and a dildo for her birthday. The second guy asks why he got his wife a dildo for her birthday. The first guy says, “If she doesn’t like the card I got her, then she can go f@ck herself!”

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One day I got home and told my girlfriend “I cheated on you.” she replied with “F**k you” I then said “But you won’t, that’s why I cheated on you.”

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I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

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so i was sitting on the couch with a woman,and i asked her,does this napkin smell like chloroform?

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I know a woman who owns a taser. – She’s stunning!

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My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. – But if I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.

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Why couldn’t the lizard get a girlfriend? Because he had a reptile dysfunction!

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My wife is like a mirror I can never look at it

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FIRST DATE man: i work with animals every day woman: oh how sweet! what is it that you do? man: im a butcher…

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Why can’t Helen Keller drive? Because she’s a woman.

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