What’s the difference between a nun and a woman in a bath tub? One’s got hope in her soul, the others got soap in her hole.
Husband: Hay honey words can’t describe how beautiful you are. Wife: aww thanks Husband:But numbers can 0 out of 10
Therapist: so what brought you here today? wife: he’s too literal Therapist: and you sir? husband: my truck
A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him: Wife: why is your face all bloody? Husband: I was so drunk that I couldn’t stand up so I kept falling on my face! Wife: idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months she woke. She asked the doctor “hows the baby?” “You had twins” the doctor replied. “Your brother named them” the woman said *oh no not my brother what did he call them?" “He called the girl Denise” “what about the boy” the woman asked the doctor said “denephew”
I haven’t talked to my wife in three weeks. – I didn’t want to interrupt her. A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3… The boy said, “Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she’s in Grade 4”. The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal.The principal decided to test the boy with some
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!” She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?” To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
my girlfriend dumped me today apparently I don’t stand up for her in fights I don’t care she use to push me around all the time
An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee, A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after awhile and says, “Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in”.
Wife: (on phone) hi Husband: hey I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.
Why do orphans make the best girlfriends? Because They don’t need permission from their Parents
I was watching my daughter play at the park, a woman came up to me and asked which one was mine, I said I was still choosing.
“I’m not sure why my girlfriend’s father doesn’t like me.” “What was your first impression on him?” “I told him, she calls me daddy too.”
My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again
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