Woman jokes

I was watching my daughter play at the park, a woman came up to me and asked which one was mine, I said I was still choosing.

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My girlfriends last words I can’t wait to become a mom

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My girlfriend called me a bot in fortnite, so I called her sandwich maker 3000

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My girlfriend broke up with me. She said I was a pedophile. I told her, “PEDOPHILE? Wow, that sure is a big word for an eight-year-old!”

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My wife wanted a present that could go from Zero to 80 very quickly. So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.

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I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.

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My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a seven year old.

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Y is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman stomach but never the man’s balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations

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I have a girlfriend.

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The cops are still searching for my wife’s killer. Luckily I already fled the country.

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Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. Paddy agrees to tell Seamuswife the bad news. He knocks on the door and Seamus wife answers. " Whats happened Paddy?" Paddy frowns. " Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly? " Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee."

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One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive! My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair Guess who came crawling back

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A : Whats the similarity between your girlfriend and the Sun? B : They’re both hot? A : They’re both massive.

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A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to. He says to the first one "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny" He says to the second one "You are addicted to food, you named you daughter Candy" Then the third one whispers to her son “Come on Dick, lets go.”

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Only one of Kenny’s girlfriends has ever said he’s good in bed. But she has to. She’s his mom.

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