Girlfriends are just like Ak47s they always go off on you.
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game. They had great seats right behind their teams bench. After the game the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience. “Oh, I really liked it!” she replied, “Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.” Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, “What do you mean?” She said, “Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!’ I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!”
My wife thinks i’m immature, so I told her to get out of my fort.
My wife told me I was immature. I just told her to get out of my pillow fort.
A man robs a bank and asks a woman, “did you see that?” She says “yes”, so the man shoots her. He leaves the bank and sees a couple, he asks “did you see that?” “No but my wife did!” The husband said.
What do you call it if your mom is a guy and ur dad is a woman? Transparent
why did the orphan not have a girlfriend? because he thought that she would leave him to.
An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee, A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after awhile and says, “Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in”.
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. – I’m doing well, but I do get cannelloni.
A elderly woman and an elderly man were at a retirement home The man was shuffling a deck of cards for a card game The man asks "Is it your first time? " The woman replies “It’s been a while since a man has asked me that.”
Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times and she won’t believe you. Tell a woman she’s fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she’s a slut, but if a man does it… He’s gay, definitely gay.
my girlfriend dumped me today apparently I don’t stand up for her in fights I don’t care she use to push me around all the time
Wife: (on phone) hi Husband: hey I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.
Wives are like grenades… – Remove the ring and boom, house is gone!
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