Doctor: Madam, Your Husband Needs Rest And Peace So Here Are Some Sleeping Pills. Wife: Doctor, When Should I Give Them To Him? Doctor: They Are For You.!!
A woman went out on a date and said “I’m thirty one with the body of a sixteen year old” the man responded “wanna show me???” the woman took him back to her house and opened her freezer and said, “take a look”
My girlfriend treats me like God. – She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.
A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: “Shut up … you’re next!”
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months she woke. She asked the doctor “hows the baby?” “You had twins” the doctor replied. “Your brother named them” the woman said *oh no not my brother what did he call them?" “He called the girl Denise” “what about the boy” the woman asked the doctor said “denephew”
My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish. I started thrashing about and roared “You don’t have enough badges to control me!”
Husband: I bet you can’t say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time Wife: You have the biggest penis out of all your friends
A man ordered a washing machine because his old one stopped working. As soon as the man opened his new washing machine, he immediately rejoiced because there was a woman inside. Without hesitation the man yelled. FREE DISHWASHER!
Have u ever noticed When a woman is pregnant aII her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “weII done”
The other day my friend messaged by saying “bro I have two pieces of bad news for you.” I told him to combine them. He replied with “your girlfriend is cheating on both of us.”
I keep looking for my girlfriends killer but no one wants to do it.
What’s the difference between a nun and a woman in a bath tub? One’s got hope in her soul, the others got soap in her hole.
My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won’t stop complaining about their mom whats the difference between a lightbulb and a preganant woman you can unscrew the lightbulb
If depression is going to be my girlfriend. Will she leave me?
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day she said its the biggest thing i ever had in my hand i said no love your just pulling my leg
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