Woman jokes

I showed my girlfriend my shotgun yesterday. It really blew her away.

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A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another guy “What’s going on here!?” He exclaims. The wife replies “See, I told you he was stupid.”

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Why do women rub their eyes in the morning? Because they don’t have balls.

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An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas. “I don’t understand it, Doc”, she said, “I have this terrible, terrible gas”. “Thankfully”, she added, “they are at least silent when I fart”. Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him. The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. “I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!”, she yelled. The doctor said, “well, now that we’ve solved your hearing problem, let’s see what we can do about that gas”.

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I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.

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A wife and husband was setting up their computer and the husband makes the password my dick, but the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.

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My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a seven year old.

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A : Whats the similarity between your girlfriend and the Sun? B : They’re both hot? A : They’re both massive.

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The other day my friend messaged by saying “bro I have two pieces of bad news for you.” I told him to combine them. He replied with “your girlfriend is cheating on both of us.”

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An American woman married a British man. On their honeymoon, the British husband said, ?You look like a million pounds!? The wife divorced him.

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Husband: Hay honey words can’t describe how beautiful you are. Wife: aww thanks Husband:But numbers can 0 out of 10

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Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. not everyone gets it

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My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers. To be honest, I should have seen the signs.

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My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10. Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9! That’s the best I’ve done so far.

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Boy: my girlfriend didn’t dump me, I dumped her… Off the nearby cliff

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